Tulisa Contostavlos In A White Bikini

By Lex August 22, 2014 @ 10:30 AM

Tulisa Contostavlos In A White Bikini At The Beach In Bermuda
Jury acquittal looks pretty damn good on this X-Factor judge. After being found not guilty in some bizarrely set up tabloid newspaper drug conspiracy, Tulisa Contostavlos gave a fuck you to the world by getting dripping wet and showing off her mons in Bermuda. They say that living well is the best revenge.  Those people have never felt the rush of squeezing the very life out of your nemesis while staring into their clotting eyes and cackling like a fiend. Also, some of us don’t have the hot bikini body option.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Syco/Thames/Corbis

Tulisa Contostavlos Punched a Blogger

By Lex July 28, 2014 @ 1:59 PM

Tulisa Contostavlos Makes A Statement After Being Found Guilty At Stratford Magistrates' Court
Can we all agree that bloggers deserve special treatment like people in Corvettes with blue placards or Congressmen or really good looking women in low cut tops? Freedom of speech starts and stops with pasty pale white chubby sedentary men with pistachio addictions. X-Factor judge Tulisa Contostavlos punched one in the face at a music festival because he posted her blow job sex tape on his blog for a couple hours before he got scared off by her attorneys. She said it was very hurtful to her by which I think she means she wasn’t particularly good at oral sex. I’ve seen it. She’s no Paris Hilton in oral excellence. She’s not even my Senior Prom date. Tulisa recently skated on a drug felony charge when one of the British newspapers tried to set her up in a cocaine buy because I guess there was no soccer going on and they had nothing else to write about. Those charges were thrown out by a judge, but not the blogger punching case for which she now must compensate the blogger the hefty sum of $150 for the mental anguish of being beat up by a girl.

Tulisa dressed like a 19th century diplomat for her verdict. After the case was concluded, she felt the need to issue a statement in front of the courthouse about her journey, and the burden of being in the spotlight, and perseverance, and faith in her innocence, you know, even though she was found guilty. The good news is she’s not going to let any of this crap get in her way of being the very best X-Factor judge she can be. The world needs that now more than ever.

You can download the sex tape HERE, if you’re up for that Internet rabbit hole.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

Tulisa Contostavlos Shows Off Cleavage As She Leaves Court In London

By Lex December 23, 2013 @ 10:42 AM

Tulisa Contostavlos Shows Off Cleavage As She Leaves Court In London

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, WENN

Tulisa Contostavlos Had A Nice Birthday Party

By Travis July 15, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

Tulisa Contostavlos apparently used to be some sort of a hip hop artist or pop singer in England, but all she ever seems to do lately is wear really tight outfits to nightclubs or revealing bikinis at pool parties, like she did this weekend for her 25th birthday. And while I think it was really kind of Tulisa to stand around and conveniently stretch while someone took pictures of her, I can’t get past the shorts she was wearing when she showed up to the pool.

When exactly did it become cool for girls to wear their mom’s shorts? This is like the complete opposite of the ass crack and g-string trend that captivated us for so long, and I think that this is clearly the cause of all of the world’s problems. In conclusion, women ruin everything.

(Photo Credits: Neil Warner/WENN.com)

Tulisa Contostavlos With White Powder On Her Leg After Cocaine Sting

By Lex June 24, 2013 @ 1:58 PM

Tulisa Contostavlos Out Partying With White Powder On Her Leg In Essex
Here’s one thing that sucks about being famous. Elaborate newspaper cocaine stings. N-Dubz singer and X-Factor judge Tulisa Contostavlos used to be a petty drug dealer in her rough teen days. She said she’d changed and wanted to be a role model for the kids. That’s fresh. The U.K. Sun wanted to catch her still dealing drugs so they set up an elaborate sting involving Arabs and fake movie producers and a $15 million movie role that called for Tulisa to be a street hustler. When the fake movie producers asked her to get some coke, she dialed up a connect who came over with some snort, which the newspaper people taped and then turned over to the cops who arrested Tulisa and her buddy.

“She believed she was going to get this major role and contracts were being readied to sign. She was supposed to play a London street girl who goes to India. She was showing off her credentials to the producers by saying she could get drugs. She wanted the part.” — friend of Tulisa’s after the bust

The Sun apparently spent about $100K on the sting, including flying Tulisa around on a private jet, like some really elaborate reality prank show. Sure this seems like a grand abuse of power and a big fucking waste of time, but if we can finally expose hip hop music’s association with the underground world of recreational drugs, maybe we can finally save those young kids. Fucking Brits.

Photo Credit: Splash