By Jack October 25, 2013 @ 3:45 PM
A high school in Maryland has done the unthinkable and banned twerking and other “suggestive dancing”. It seems that the school administrators are wary of the rise in popularity of the ass shaking dance made famous by the internet and Miley Cyrus’ flat ass. The students will have to sign a contract swearing that at the homecoming dance they will partake in “no grinding, intimate touching or dancing with your buttocks touching or in the air.” What the fuck is the fun in that? The reason isn’t what you might think, namely that it’s slutty and ends with girls getting pregnant in the back of a Toyota Cressida. No, the reason is that the school doesn’t want the students not taking part in the grinding to feel left out.
Now, as a guy who was regularly left out of sexually explicit grinding I can sympathize. But I wouldn’t begrudge my luckier classmates from the joys of clothed rhythmic dry humping. That kind of homegrown supply keeps the prices down for guys like me paying for it in the champagne room at Dom’s House of Girls. It’s just another example of our self-esteem obsessed parenting culture is costing me money.
By Travis August 12, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
If Miley Cyrus hadn’t already taken the fine dance art of Twerking out behind the woodshed and put a bullet between its eyes, then One Direction’s Harry Styles took care of it at the 2013 Teen Choice Awards last night. As a billion teenage girls screamed with the orgasmic ferocity of 1,000 suns, Harry shook his ass for a brief moment, or at least long enough to make LL Cool J think, “White kids are the weirdest.” And then he went back to pretending that he and Brad Paisley didn’t record the worst song of the year with “Accidental Racist.”
By Travis July 26, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Ice-T’s wife, Coco Austin, was a guest on the daytime talk show The Real yesterday, and, as always, the topics of discussion ranged from nuclear physics and the origin of man to the existence of life beyond our universe and the role of religion in government. Fortunately, they also found the time to talk about her giant ass that she’s so very proud of, and that was great of them, because nobody ever talks about Coco’s ass.
According to the Daily Mail, the 34-year old reality star explained that people have always accused her of having ass implants, so she let the hosts all get a handful of her bouncy posterior, before she cemented her point with a twerking showcase. And somewhere Philo Farnsworth crawled out of his grave and shouted, “That’s why I created this thing!”