Lauren Pope of the UK reality show ‘The Only Way Is Essex’ added some much needed class and sophistication to the London premiere of ‘Twilight’ last night, thanks to this elegant dress. I heard one girl say her dress looks like a Mexican poncho made out of polyester with a bungee chord clipped on for a belt and that she looks like a slut. And I said, “I know right!” And then she explained that she was saying “slut” with a negative connotation. Oh well pardon me your majesty.
The tabloidsarelosing their mind today because Kristen Stewart, who is plain and ordinary in every way, wore this dress with a slit up the side at the ‘Twilight’ premiere last night. Unfortunately she’s so awkward and boyish that she stood there with her leg at a 30 degree angle the whole time, as if she was trying to trip someone or hail a cab in a Bugs Bunny cartoon, to make sure we noticed.
But the fans were going crazy anyway. And why wouldn’t they. They get to see a third and fourth movie about the hazards of dating a werewolf and vampire, because apparently it takes four movies to explain that.
I don’t know how this works because women’s bodies are a baffling mystery, but Jennifer Love Hewitts tits are half the size they used to be while her ass has at least doubled. And instead of working out and getting implants before going to last nights Hollywood premiere of ‘Twilight: Mummies Kiss’ or whatever this one is called, she just pushed her big square body into a dress that was supposed to show off her cleavage. But it didn’t really work. It’s not magic for fucks sake. Mostly her tits were just all lopsided and smooshed. It was very distracting. If would be like it if I taped my dick between two rulers, then put on some baggy pants and walked around in front of her. You wouldn’t like that very much, would you Jennifer?
Today is Thursday, and over 300 people are already lined up to see the stars at the premiere of ‘Twilight: Breaking Dawn part 1’. Which is on Monday.
Not only that, but over 1,300 of the showings on November 18th, the day the movie opens, have already sold out and an additional 1000 showings on other days are sold out. No one has worked this hard to get inside something this boring since Justin Bieber took Selena Gomez to Hawaii.
CONAN O’BRIEN – brought in 4.2 million viewers last night for the premiere of his TBS show, easily defeating Leno (3.5 million) and Letterman (3.4 million). And he showed how they plan to keep using old characters like the Masturbating Bear while getting around NBC’s intellectual property right claims. When it comes to apex predators wacking off, accept no substitutes. (deadline)
SETH ROGEN – says he was so nervous to propose to his girlfriend, he just ran in the house and did it. It was not good timing. “She was in our closet, changing, and she was literally only in her underpants. I had already kind of started. I didn’t picture it like this, and I know she didn’t picture it like this.” Wow so she was topless? What a whore! (people)
KRISTEN STEWART – will be “practically naked, a lot” in the next Twilight movie, though I didn’t catch the name of it. To be honest I thought we were done with these. How long is this gonna go on? (e!)