Tyra Banks was also at the Teen Choice Awards last night in LA, because why wouldn’t she be? The kids today love models from the 90’s. That’s why, when it was time to pick an outfit for the big night, she walked right into that Halloween store and bought the finest wig they had.
(image source = getty and wenn)
I assume that Trya Banks isn’t about to blow this guy (based on the size of her ass she was almost certainly unwrapping some sort of candy or candies) but she looked all around first, and he looked completely unsatisfied when it was over, and that’s what I imagine sex with Tyra Banks is like, so maybe she was.
After that, Tyra left and some new lady came out, but due to hat-based treachery, I have no idea who it was! Foiled again!
QUESTION: What’s hotter than Tyra swinging her arms around like Bigfoot?
ANSWER: Nothing. Literally nothing on earth.
(image source of Tyra on 7.2.11 in Los Cabos with her bf John Utendahl = splash)
Tyra Banks is a barely functioning retard who can’t string 10 words together and have them be related in any way, but she has amazing tits so everyone puts up with her. Needless to say this makes her an ideal choice to write a series of fantasy books.
The series will follow a teenager who gets into an exclusive modeling academy for “Intoxibellas”. Who are they? Exactly who you thought they were. Models with special powers. Tyra says,
“It’s my novel called Modelland (pronounced “Model Land”) that takes you to a fantastical place you’ve never seen, or heard about, or read about before… Where dreams come true and life can change in the blink of a smoky eye.”
First of all, the fact that this cunt paused to explain that “modelland” is pronounced “model land” is enraging. Of course it’s pronounced “model land”. There’s literally no other way for the words “model” and “land” to be pronounced, regardless of whether or not the person who wrote it had a fucking space bar that worked.
It’s a land of models, and this dimwitted bitch named it “model land”. It would be like if Harry Potter went to “Magicschool”. JK Rowling would go through French gardening books and Greek mythology to find interesting names. “Dumbledore” is an old word for “bumblebee”, for example. Like the books or not, at least Rowling wanted to be creative. But fuck that. Why bother? Just type what something is. That’s just as good. If Tyra wrote Star Wars, “MainCharacter” would fight “HalfRobotMan”. Oohh, weeeee, I’m being whisked away into a world of imagination.
But really that’s a minor point. Because yes. Yes we have seen a place like this before. There are literally dozens of books exactly like it.
“Hey kid, you’re magic.”
“Who me? Oh no sir, there must be a mistake. I’m ordinary.”
200 pages later.
“Hooray! Though I am small and was over matched by a vastly superior foe, my magic has saved the day!”
Thank god no one in this country can read anymore.
If you had told me five years ago that the then brand new Tyra Banks talk show would still be around in 2009, I would have punched you in the stomach then tattled on you for being mean to me. But there she was today, showing off her “real hair” while her studio audience of unemployed loners hooted and hollered as if something were actually happening.
Presumably this episode talked about how women can look good naturally, although you’re forgiven if you missed that point because naturally Tyra looks like complete fucking hell. No one tipped the camera on its side so it could fit her entire forehead into the shot, so depending on what weird face she’s making, she either looks like a Klingon or some kind of light bulb character you might see in a commercial for the electric company.
The first 10 winners of "Americas Next Top Model" need no introduction, so I won't introduce them. They’re all household names at this point, so it would be a waste of my time and yours to name these very successful models. But will this assembly line of top talent continue? Lets find out…
After two days of glowing headlines for the CW, you just knew everybody's favorite hard-luck network was going to have a change of fortune: Despite the CW's stellar start this week with the return of "Gossip Girl" and unveiling of "90210," Wednesday night's "America’s Next Top Model" premiere was the lowest-rated in the network’s history.
The two-hour "Top Model" premiere (3.5 million viewers, 1.7 preliminary adults 18-49 rating and a 5 share) was down 11% from last February's cycle, and down 32% from last September in the adult demo. Among the network's 18-34 demo (1.9/6), the drops were steeper. It marks the lowest-rated premiere since the show debuted in 2003 on UPN.
It's hard not to notice that ever since this dumb ass show came on, America has gotten it's ass kicked at modeling. Basically we have Marissa Miller, and that’s about it. The rest are all Brazilian, Aussie, German, Dutch or English. Tyras fat ass has ruined everything, although I must confess I am partially responsible. I leave all the American models so sexually satisfied, it’s hard for them to ever feel joy again once I’m gone. In fact I heard Kate died. Jill is a prostitute in Japan.
Us magazine has confirmed the rumors that this season of Americas Next Top Model will feature a transgender contestant. Oh that’s right baby. One of the 14 girls is a guy, pretending to be a girl. Us says…
"My cards were dealt differently," Isis, a 22-year-old former receptionist, tells Us Weekly exclusively in its new issue, on newsstands now.
Hailing from Prince George's County, Maryland, Isis identifies herself as "a woman born physically male."
Will she be a role model?
"I like to help people, but I'm here to follow my dreams," she tells Us.
The inclusion of Isis is being hailed by GLAAD president Neil Giuliano as "an unprecedented opportunity for a community that is underrepresented on television.
"We applaud Tyra Banks and The CW for making this historic visibility of transgender people possible," Giuliano said.
Whatever. This dude needs therapy, not a modeling contract. Thinking you’re a woman is no different than thinking your Jesus or a vampire. Knock it off jackass. Or at least don’t expect me to play along with your creepy fantasy. The voices in your head can address you as whatever they want, but I feel no obligation to abide by titles given to you by your insane delusions.
