Imagine you’re the dude that Ducati brings in to crisis manage the fact that Ducati is getting a bad rap as the bike for gay poser riders and then Justin Bieber and Usher appear as the highest profiles celebrity riders of your brand. You are fucked in the biggest way.
The twin douchebags have taken up riding motorcycles as the thrill from being undersized versatile top/bottom pop stars just isn’t enough. While you might look at this picture and find nothing to root for, we’re pulling hard for a high speed collision.
Usher, Green Day, and Rihanna were the headliners Friday night for the iHeartRadio Festival at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, but after Usher was done, Green Day took the stage 30 minutes late and then were told to cut their set short.
And after lead singer Billie Joe Armstrong said “fuck” 21 times and smashed his guitar, that’s exactly what they did.
“Fuck this shit, I’m gonna play a fucking new song, fuck this shit. Give me a fuckin break, one minute left. One minute fucking left. You’re gonna give me fucking one minute? Look at that fucking sign right there. One minute. Let me fucking tell you something. Let me tell you something. I’ve been around since fucking nineteen eighty fucking eight. And you’re going to give me one fucking minute? You gotta be fucking kidding me. You fucking kidding me. What the fuck? I’m not fucking Justin Bieber you mother fuckers. You gotta be fucking joking, this is a fucking joke.”
It would have been a lot better if Bieber was actually there, but it was still pretty cool. Right up until the moment when the band announced that Armstrong is now in rehab for “substance abuse.” That ruined everything. If he was taking too many pills, they were in a bottle labeled How To Earn Respect.
Usher and Shakira will replace Christina Aguilera and Cee Lo Green for the fourth season of ‘the Voice’, though it’s said to be a temporary move so Aguilera can go on tour and Green can record a new album. But maybe it won’t be for one season. Maybe it will be permanent. Or maybe it won’t, look, why are you dragging me into this, I hate that stupid show.
Pippa Middleton became world famous when she and her ass upstaged her sisters wedding to Prince William, and now Usher, who has a line of lingerie coming out this summer for some reason, tells Look magazine that he wants Pippa to take most of her clothes off so he can take pictures of her. As if that was some original idea no one else had thought of.
“I don’t think there’s a more beautiful, more stunning, more talked-about woman in the world at the moment.”
“I’m going to be approaching her in the next few weeks and setting up a meeting this summer.”
“The great thing about her is that she would be a global brand. Everybody knows her now, she would be perfect. I am sure everybody is trying to sign her up and she won’t be cheap, but she has the looks and the popularity to really establish a new product.”
And I bet he’s saying that without even having seen these pictures of her in a bikini. And then taking off her bikini top and kind of showing some side boob.
Just for the record, everything that happened between me and these pictures was completely consensual.
Ushers wife almost died on the operating table last week (more here), and everyone handles this type of tragedy differently. Some people sink into a deep depression, others get very pro-active in a “seize the day” type thing. Usher did the kind where you fly to Paris and spray million dollar champagne on a strippers giant titties. It’s unconventional, but look, he does appear to be moving forward. The initial data seems to warrant more investigation.
"The comments made during a recent recording session amongst friends were taken out of context and blown out of proportion. I apologize on behalf of myself and my friends if anyone was offended. The intentions were not to pass judgment and we meant no harm. I respect and wish the best for all parties involved."
I don’t happen to know any black people, and I haven't been hearing many black people condemn Brown for what he did, so I went over to Media Take Out. The site takes the controversial position that what Brown did was wrong, but the majority of the readers are too savvy to be fooled by the white media, and they know the truth, specifically that Rihanna beat herself up, she likes being beaten up, she beat him up, she started it, and the TMZ picture is a forgery. They say…
- "tHAT cAN'T bE hIS bLOOD? wE dON'T kNOW wHAT sHE dID 2 hIM…" - "Oh and looking at her injuries, it doesn't look like she would be bleeding like that. No one knows what she did to Chris Brown. It could be his blood for all we know." - "Thanks for revealing to everyone in graffic detail that Rhianna likes it rough…" - "so, think about it folks if he punched her or slapped her you would see knuckles and/or a hand print on her face somewhere. do you see any of this?" - "I THINK SHE IS HIDING SOMETHING FROM THE MEDIA REGARDING HWY IT REALLY HAPPENED, AND THAT'S WHY SHE DIDN'T GO ALONG WITH THE CHARGES……." – "that crazy b!tch prolly beat her own self up…" - "Man that could be from anywhere…..that blood could be from a honda civic!"
It kind of goes on and on like that for a while, and other than the theory about Honda Civics being hemophiliacs, the majority say the same thing, that this story is not a big deal. Another thing I discovered during my investigation is that Chris Brown is a little bitch. I also heard that he lactates, and he acts tough to overcompensate for that and his tiny tiny penis. In fact his penis is so small it's been declared a choking hazard for kids 0-3. True Story!