Liberty Ross Takes Off Her Top and Spills Her Guts

By Lex November 12, 2013 @ 1:28 PM

Liberty Ross Poses Topless In The December Issue Of Vanity Fair
Nothing says I want to get this whole cheating and divorce scandal behind me like doing a tell all piece for Vanity Fair a year and a half after the story broke, and a year after nobody cares anymore. I don’t think there’s actually a way to spin the tale of losing your director husband to young Kristen Stewart demanding you service her angry snatch during set breaks. But Liberty Ross is trying in Vanity Fair, and she’s also taking off her top just to let you know she’s serious about being the aggrieved party.

‘I just visualised being this sort of Maasai warrior. I was just going to stand very still and very strong, and just let it roll past me.’

The Maasai warrior visualization technique is a pretty standard emotional survival response for models when bulimia and wearing oversized flannel shirts simply won’t do the trick. The Maasai tribes of sub-Saharan Africa are long heralded for handling cunnilingus cheating scandals.

I’ve done everything I could to be the perfect wife and mother and really support my husband. But I didn’t have any more to give, you know?’

Yes, yes, we do know. You were perfect. We don’t even need to cross examine this statement in the least if you give us a seductive photo shoot for the article. In fact, you show us some tit and we won’t even ask about what happened between you and ‘super close friend’ 60-year old Jimmy Iovine after you found out about your husband’s affair. Anybody who says print journalism is dead simply isn’t looking at Liberty Ross’ tits hard enough in this story.

Photo Credit: Vanity Fair

Kate Upton Is Your Model of the Year

By Lex September 04, 2013 @ 3:37 PM

Kate Upton On The Cover Of Vanity Fair's 100th Issue
It’s important to Kate Upton that you remember that she’s not a sex object. I’m not sure what we’re supposed to do with this admonition specifically, Maybe review her grade school art folder as you whack off to her? Either way, the non-object has accepted the title of model of the year for the Style Awards, whatever the hell those are. But it must be important, because it’s being televised on E!, which means there will be bulimic over-made up shrews talking about shit I don’t care about as all the while I’m objectifying Kate Upton. I’m weak in the soul and Kate Upton is cursed with being a great looking blond with nice tits. The universe has a master plan and Kate Upton is still trying to fight it.

Photo Credit: Vanity Fair

Kristen Stewart is way too cool to care about anything

By brendon June 05, 2012 @ 2:42 PM

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Kristen Stewart is on the cover of the July issue of Vanity Fair, and go ahead and read the interview if you want. Or don’t, whatever man, she doesn’t even care.

“I have been criticized a lot for not looking perfect in every photograph.”

“But not for exaggerating, because I don’t ever do that.”

“I get some serious shit about it. I’m not embarrassed about it. I’m proud of it.”

“You and your professionalism can suck my dick.”

“If I took perfect pictures all the time, the people standing in the room with me, or on the carpet, would think, What an actress! What a faker!”

So she’s offended if people think she’s a good actress? This explains a lot.

“That thought embarrasses me so much that I look like shit in half my photos, and I don’t give a fuck. What matters to me is that the people in the room leave and say, ‘She was cool. She had a good time. She was honest.’ ”

“We wasted 6 hours and didn’t get a single usable picture but all that really matters is that Kristen had fun fucking everything up,” said No One Ever.

“I don’t care about the voracious, starving shit eaters who want to turn truth into shit.”

So I can call her ugly and she won’t care? Perfect. Because two of pictures of “Kristen” are actually images of my colon. Try to guess which ones.

hilary swank was tonights big winner

By brendon March 08, 2010 @ 2:57 AM

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Some people say Hilary Swank isn’t sexy, and by “some people” I mean “straight men”, but she wore one of the hottest dresses in a long time to the Vanity Fair party after the Academy Awards.

And on top of that, she was even nice enough to wear a fancy necklace so you could pretend like you weren’t staring at her tits. “Oh my gosh, is that a dreamcatcher? Wow that is so interesting. And … as I move closer, yeah wow look at that, it really catches the light. That is so neat.”

(picture source = getty images)

VANITY FAIR CANCELS OSCAR PARTY

By brendon February 06, 2008 @ 9:52 AM

Every year after the Academy Awards, there are a few big parties that everyone wants to get invited to, but none bigger than the Vanity Fair party.  That won't be a problem this year.   

After much consideration, and in support of the writers and everyone else affected by this strike, we have decided that this is not the appropriate year to hold our annual Oscar party. We want to congratulate all of this year’s nominees and we look forward to hosting our 15th Oscar party next year.

This is kind of shocking because word is the strike could be over by Friday, and it makes you wonder if Vanity Fair is hearing something else and doubts there will even be an Academy Awards this year.    Which would be just awful, because according to the Academy Awards website, the ceremony features incredible dance numbers and is the one awards show I don't want to miss.  And they're not kidding.  I'm scared to even to even turn my TV off I don't wanna miss it so bad!