By Lex June 24, 2013 @ 12:24 PM
Catching sour putty faced Victoria Beckham smiling even for a single shutter frame is worth a small fortune to collectors of the weird and unique. But here’s something that seems to make the rich girl smile. Take her to China. She’s been there with her husband this week and she can’t seem to stop grinning from skin stapled ear to ear. I’m not sure if she loves the CCP or just the industrial haze. It can’t be the food. She hasn’t eaten since 2009. She’s appearing like a happy clown on national television shows and even Tweeting photos of herself smiling. Her mirth can’t be contained. Maybe she’ll stay.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Lex June 05, 2013 @ 2:27 PM
Maybe Victoria Beckham is in a prison. A prison in her mind. Behind the bars of her own fears and anxieties. Forcibly finger banged in the shower of her insecurities and shame. Or she might just be a rich model who hasn’t had a meal consisting of of more than 100 calories since 1997. Either way, she’s giving her daughter the same face.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN, WENN
By Lex May 06, 2013 @ 9:23 AM
My great Uncle Sal invented the windswept toupee. It was a pre-tousled toupee that men could wear wear out in inclement weather so their hair would look more native to the conditions. Then that bastard Sy Sperling invented fake hair implants and the toupee business died. So did my Uncle Sal, a broken and busted man. We buried him in his windswept toupee at an outdoor funeral. I’m thinking back to Uncle Sal while watching Victoria Beckham try out the new ‘pleasantly surprised’ face they gave her to look more upbeat in public settings. It’s very lifelike. Even the paparazzi bylines read ‘Victoria Beckham looks pleasantly surprised at a Paris boutique’. And don’t think the husband in this equation won’t benefit from the new mouth agape pose on this custom facial setting. Science continues to improve lives, one super rich person at a time.
By Lex April 29, 2013 @ 3:37 PM
Victoria Beckham made her way to the Vogue Festival in London. She fucking loves clothes. She makes them. She sells them. She diddles her lady parts with them in her walk-in closet. A Vogue fashion event for Victoria Beckham is like pig in shit. Like an Eagles fan at a dollar drinks sports bar. This is Victoria’s Rapture. Yeah, still no smile. It’s uncanny. The Mothra girls looked less sullen.
Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin, FameFlynet, PCN, WENN
By Lex April 22, 2013 @ 12:17 PM
Victoria Beckham hasn’t smiled in ten years. She hasn’t shown so much as a single tooth in her mouth since her Spice Girls days. Even at her birthday over the weekend, Vicky couldn’t force her lips asunder. She had to squelch her birthday candle by shaking her hair extensions vigorously in the direction of the flame. People mock Victoria’s apparent self-misery because she’s rich and successful and has a bunch of good looking kids and fine houses and a famous soccer playing model husband. What seems like the perfect life. But what you can’t see in photographs is that Victoria Beckham has vaginitis. So why don’t you take your judgements elsewhere.
Here’s Victoria over the weekend shopping in Paris. The finest clothes, the finest shops, V.I.P. treatment. You think that’d make a woman grin from ear to ear. But there’s no smiling when your sugar walls feel like 60 grit sandpaper.
Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin
By brendon September 14, 2012 @ 8:03 PM
Lindsay Lohan tweeted a picture yesterday saying, “Birkin. Mac Computer. Chanel and a jet. Never quit fighting to live your dreams. God Bless.” And I never realized mac’s were some opulent display of luxury, but it’s probabaly the one Chateau Marmont was asking her to return two weeks ago, the jet is the one producers had to send as a last resort to get her to work for her ‘Scary Movie 5′ cameo, and that birkin is fake piece of shit.
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