Victoria Beckham looks terrible naked - Posh Spice says she has no ass and looks "really awful naked" after having three kids.  She says, "I've got so much saggy skin on my stomach. I might fit into jeans, but trust me, I look really awful naked."  So, wait, does she think she looks good with her clothes on?  That's surprising, because she's so god dam leathery, I heard she's bulletproof. 

The Screech sex tape will be released - David Hans Schmidt (who sold the Paris Hilton sex tape) has struck a deal with ClubRedLight.com to distribute the Dustin Diamond sex tape.  A source who has seen the tape calls is "quite humorous and, at times, arousing."  I’m pretty much just gonna take his word for it.  I heard that if someone makes you watch the Screech sex tape, you have the legal right to kill them.  In fact you're allowed to keep shooting them until they're actually in the grave.

"The Departed" wins easy - Bolstered by almost universally fawning reviews (133 positive and 11 negative, according to Rotten Tomatoes) "The Departed" strolled to number 1 at the box-office, bringing in 27 million dollars.  The "Texas Chainsaw" sequel was at number 2 with 19.4 and "Employee of the Month" struggled to fourth place with just 11.5 million.  When asked for a comment, Dane Cook said some things that were hilarious.  Oh, wait, no, he didn't.