By Lex September 22, 2014 @ 10:08 AM
You’ve got 300,000 people marching in New York City because a cyclist standing at the edge of Battery Park might get his Shimanos wet in 2147. Meanwhile Victoria Silvstedt is roaming the streets of Gotham this very day prepared to take down another wealthy old fat midget. We can find more bicycle riders to stare out wistfully over New York Harbor and dream of a world with no cars. Short fat wealthy guys are what makes our American economy function. We keep letting Victoria Silvstedt and her starfish like everted vagina pick these key midgets off, our entire monetary system could collapse. If Jeremy Renner ran the Fed, he’d do what has to be done.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex September 15, 2014 @ 2:09 PM
Central Park is the people’s park. Victoria Silvstedt is a people. If she wants to produce live cam shows from the lawn, unless some kid under seven sees her pink or stink, I’m good with it. Victoria is actively engaged in managing her personal funds. She’s investing her money for a time when men leave $15 iTunes gift cards on her nightstand instead of black AmEx cards. Everybody wants golden years hammock money, to lie back in the sun, hear the ocean breezes, and dream about the buckets and buckets of sperm that went into building your nest egg.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex July 21, 2014 @ 12:10 PM
Victoria Silvstedt had no time for tears after her chubby French midget benefactor revoked her Amex black. Where other kept women see peril, Victoria saw an opportunity to gobble up the last remaining drachmas in Greece by working the wharf in Mykonos. She raised her hand in the international sign of the world’s oldest profession. Within two minutes a Zodiac Mark 6 carrying somebody loosely related to Socrates came by and picked her up for a tour of his many child trafficking way stations throughout the archipelago. This is no different than Edgerrin James taking that fat contract with the Cardinals. When you can see the end of your career, you can’t afford to listen to the critics.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex June 25, 2014 @ 4:43 PM
I’m going to guess that Victoria Silvstedt and her diminutive billionaire boyfriend are kaput. I don’t say that because I don’t believe in love between aging Playmates and older rich fat dudes, but because somebody has been sending out legal demands to remove old paparazzi photos of the two in photographs together. Ah, the sadness that ensues when two perfect souls detach. But, hark, what promising light shines under yonder short skirt. Victoria has been spotted this week in Saint Tropez with Jonathan Cheban. He’s a publicist / model / jewelry designer / restauranteur / reality show cast member. You’d be surprised just how many people in Los Angeles have that same occupation. He’s best known for being Kim Kardashian’s BFF. Gay BFF if you follow Kris Humphries logic, but not something I’d say because Jonathan sues people over the mention. Gay or straight he seems to be the perfect partner for Victoria Silvstedt because he has a $3 million apartment and a Bentley. I know because the douche told me so:
Photo Credit: INFphoto.com
By Lex March 10, 2014 @ 1:31 PM
It’s day five of her commercial feeding frenzy in Miami and you wouldn’t believe the kind of gunk that’s built up in Victoria’s Silvstedt’s vagina. It’s similar to the miscellaneous refuse of a ’80 LeSabre ashtray. Lots of Wrigley’s wrappers and lint and loose buffalo nickels. But you can’t just run that pouch through the car wash. You need some kind of industrial solvents and a centrifuge to separate the coins from the secretions that are specifically designed to adhere currency. Not surprising, they got a lab for that in Miami.
Photo Credit: Splash, Pacific Coast News