Victoria Silvstedt In A Bikini

By Lex January 12, 2015 @ 11:21 AM

Victoria Silvstedt In A Bikini Paddle Boarding While In St. Barts
Corpses don’t last long in Caribbean waters with their warm currents and viscera-dissolving ecosystem. Even the bones become microbe encrusted bedding for coral and anemone in short order. But then Victoria Silvstedt knows this better than anyone. That look on her face and the presence of celebratory secretion in her crotch region indicates that some poor old man who just wanted his pecker wetted now finds himself a permanent patron of Davy Jones locker. It’s the circle of life.

Photo Credit: Splash

Victoria Silvstedt in a Bikini

By Lex January 05, 2015 @ 10:56 AM

Victoria Silvstedt Wears A Red Bikini While In St Barts
Fuck, that tongue, that seaweed. Ursula has somebody trapped in her Swedish Santeria clutches. Somebody tracking the Victoria Silvstedt pings on the maritime emergency sonar should’ve warned St. Bart’s she was on her way from Miami. Now some poor rich sod of mixed French and German descent is about to become Tokyo to her Godzilla. We couldn’t do shit to contain Ebola. Political correctness leaves us impotent to properly quarantine the sympathetic viruses. But we need to build some kind of cage around this woman before she siphons off so much currency that Western banks become endangered from insolvency. I’d hate to be catching rats for food one day outside my New Los Angeles shanty and kick the tin wall knowing how this all could’e been prevented with one Navy Seal with a spear gun.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews

Victoria Silvstedt Tits Like a Lure

By Lex December 29, 2014 @ 1:01 PM

Victoria Silvstedt Wears A Yellow Bikini Top With Shorts In Miami Beach
It’s like watching a bass master cast his line. Some unfortunate largemouth is about to be dinner. Victoria Silvstedt has that hook line and sinker routine going with her inflated everything. By the time you’ve surmised what it might feel like to have collagen pressed around your member, your bank account has already been emptied. It’s a magic act that counsel for your legal heirs will label cunning in a courtroom someday. In some ways, I admire watching a master at work. In another way, I want to yell the word whore loud enough for Rolling Stone to accuse me of institutionalized┬árape.

Photo Credit: INF

Victoria Silvstedt in a Bikini

By Lex November 17, 2014 @ 12:42 PM

Victoria Silvstedt Wears A Pink Bikini In Miami
Victoria Silvstedt has been missing from public view since her immersion in a stasis tank filled with hep-c blockers and finely shredded paper currencies from the G8 nations. The murky colloid allows her skin to be rejuvenated and her lips and breasts to be re-inflated to specs customized from survey responses of wealthy benefactors around the globe. The result is another twelve months of free rent and enormous tubes that cast no known shadow.

Photo Credit: Splash

Victoria Silvstedt on the Hunt in Manhattan

By Lex September 22, 2014 @ 10:08 AM

Victoria Silvstedt Wears Leather Skirt While In NYC
You’ve got 300,000 people marching in New York City because a cyclist standing at the edge of Battery Park might get his Shimanos wet in 2147. Meanwhile Victoria Silvstedt is roaming the streets of Gotham this very day prepared to take down another wealthy old fat midget. We can find more bicycle riders to stare out wistfully over New York Harbor and dream of a world with no cars. Short fat wealthy guys are what makes our American economy function. We keep letting Victoria Silvstedt and her starfish like everted vagina pick these key midgets off, our entire monetary system could collapse. If Jeremy Renner ran the Fed, he’d do what has to be done.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Victoria Silvstedt Stretches Lucratively

By Lex September 15, 2014 @ 2:09 PM

Victoria Silvstedt Does Yoga While On The Phone In Central Park
Central Park is the people’s park. Victoria Silvstedt is a people. If she wants to produce live cam shows from the lawn, unless some kid under seven sees her pink or stink, I’m good with it.┬áVictoria is actively engaged in managing her personal funds. She’s investing her money for a time when men leave $15 iTunes gift cards on her nightstand instead of black AmEx cards. Everybody wants golden years hammock money, to lie back in the sun, hear the ocean breezes, and dream about the buckets and buckets of sperm that went into building your nest egg.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI