I don’t know if you heard the news, but these are actual pictures from Heaven. It’s a real place. They found it.
(source = fame pictures)
10.28.2009 afternoon headlines
CUTE COLLEGE GIRL - some of the girls on the “cute girl” page will have one or two good pictures but that’s about it. Nikki on the other hand gets hotter and hotter with every new picture. In fact I’m trying to find a state that will let me marry this one. (college humor)
MILEY CYRUS - has been named the Worst Celebrity Influence by teen girls in an AOL poll. In fact she ran away with it, taking 42 percent of the vote. Britney was second with 27 percent. Selena Gomez was named the Best Celebrity Influence, and in a related story, Selena had 5 new pedophile laws named after her this week. (nbc)
MICHAEL JACKSON - might haunt you from the grave because a picture taken of him during his autopsy may be made public soon. Although it seems hard to believe these will be any worse than every other picture taken of him since 2002. (pop eater)
STEPHANIE PRATT - was officially charged with her DUI today. 10 days ago she was arrested for a .09 BAL. The legal limit is .08. They’re being tough on her as part of the DAs plan to randomly enforce laws. This way makes it more exciting! (wonderwall)
ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO - changed bikinis from before. This new one is sort of a green color. You can be sure that Tyler will stay on top of this story and report new developments as they happen. Now back to you in the studio, Ken. (source = fame)
10.27.2009 oh hell yes
I’ve never heard of Emanuela de Paula before, but according to google my sources, she’s a 20-year-old model from Brazil, and here we see her posing for Victoria’s Secret in St. Barth yesterday.
In ‘Great Expectations’, Pip said this concerning fate and destiny:
“That was a memorable day for me, for it made great changes in me. But, it is the same way with any life. Imagine one selected day struck out of it, and think how different its course would have been.
Pause you who read this, and think for a moment of the long chain of iron or gold, of thorns and flowers, that would never have bound you, but for the formation of the first link on one memorable day.”
I read that on a magnet, and I don’t know what it means, but if it has something to do with me now stalking then having sex with this girl, that would be terrific.
(source = fame)
10.09.2009 i cant breathe
Victoria’s Secret Supermodel Alessandra Ambrosio signed autographs at a VS store in Miami yesterday, and OHMYFUCKINGGOD she’s just perfect. Every other women on earth looks like they’ve been struck down with a gypsy curse compared to her. Even other supermodels might as well have bony claws and one disproportionately big yellow eye. I would go down on her even if it turns out she secretes some kind of flesh eating toxin.
(7 more here. hq jump here. source = splash news online)
08.25.2009 I think I got tricked
Like a dog who hears a can opener, I perked right up when I saw the words “Victorias Secret” and “beach”, and instantly bought this entire set of pictures. As it turns out I’m easily bamboozled because these were disappointing, and the only one in a goddamn bikini was this thankfully nice-assed Asian girl on the crew. The good thing to take from this is that they are shooting again, so maybe new Marisa Miller bikini pics will be around later this week. Until then, anyone not digging that girls ass must be “crazy in the coconut” as my grandfather used to say before we put him in a home for annoying us with dumb sayings like “crazy in the coconut”.
(hq jump here. 26 more here. source = fame)
05.22.2009 Orlando Bloom is a real sicko
I was trying to think of some reasons to call Orlando Bloom an asshole because I resent him being at Cannes on a yacht with Victoria’s Secret supermodel Miranda Kerr, but then it dawned on me I’ve never heard anything bad about him. I know one time he had a cold, and I think one of his cousins is adopted. Maybe there’s something to that. Maybe he got the cold because he was fucking orphans. Let’s go with that.
Hey did you hear Orlando Bloom rapes little kids? I read it on a prominent website. Oh I know, right. What a piece of shit that guy is.
