05.09.2011 Whitney Houston is in rehab

Whitney Houston has been drinking and doing drugs for about 20 years now, and she’s been in rehab twice, once in 2004 and again a year later, but apparently she still has a problem. So with that in mind she is now…

A) turning herself over to experts and following their every order to address a problem that is obviously out of her control.

or…

B) doing the absolute minimum, because that should be good enough.

Ok now let’s see what the answer is. I bet it’s surprising!

“Whitney Houston is currently in an out-patient rehab program for drug and alcohol treatment,” her rep tells PEOPLE in a statement. “Whitney voluntarily entered the program to support her long-standing recovery process.”

With this program, Whitney still lives at home and does all the same stuff she normally does, in the all the same places, but monitored by a “sober companion”. Which is someone who makes 8 dollars an hour to follow Whiteny around and lecture her. Knowing Whitney, this has success written all over it. She’s probably already cured.

Tags: whitney houston |

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05.06.2011 Friday headlines, with Lindsay Lohan and green ooze

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES - had it’s first day of filming today in India, and already there are mysterious pictures from the set showing a green ooze. And the internet is all, “Is that the Lazarus Pit? Is Ra’s al Ghul in this? That’s so stupid, that doesn’t fit the canon, this is Batman in real life! This movie sucks, I hate it!” (latino review)

WHITNEY HOUSTONS DAUGHTER - was arrested for possession of alcohol (she’s 18) after some kind of gun fight between her friends and her ex boyfriend. A shocked and frightened Whitney has heard to ask, “Does anyone know what happened to the alcohol, where is it now?” (the enquirer)

THE OFFICE - had it’s first episode with Will Ferrell replacing Steve Carell last night, and the ratings were down 17 percent. If I were them I’d just keep saying Carell is on it and see how long before people figure it out. (thr)

THOR - has 175 reviews so far, and an impressive 80 percent of them are positive. Although a lot of them sound like Hollywood has lowered our summer expectations to a degree where all you have to do to get a good review is not completely fuck everything up. (rotten tomatoes)

X MEN FIRST CLASS - has a new character trailer, this time for Mystique, who is played by Oscar nominee Jennifer Lawrence. Of course if she was any good she would have won. If Julia Roberts has one, how hard could it really be. (youtube)

LINDSAY LOHAN - began her community service today at a women’s shelter in Los Angeles, although you’re forgiven if you assumed the green ooze in the headline was going to have something to do with her vagina. In your defense we’re still not sure it doesn’t. (inf)

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Tags: batman, jennifer lawrence, lindsay lohan, steve carell, the dark knight rises, thor, whitney houston, will ferrell, x-men |

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03.03.2011 Whitney Houston taught her daughter well

The Enquirer has pictures of Bobbi Kristina Brown, the 17-year-old daughter of Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston, reportedly doing cocaine, but she went on her twitter to say she was set up and isn’t what it looks like. Where are the receipts?

The pictures_ a former very dear person to me did this. Set me up to make it look exactly what it looks like. God will smite them yes..But it’s really not what it looks like.. People will do anything for money which is extremely sad, and I’m very hurt by this.Thing’s people do these days to hurt others is a shame. All I can do now, is keep my head up high, keep looking towards the lord.All the lord is telling me is be still. That’s all, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. #BeStill.
I love my family so much. My mom just comforted me to the max, and I’m so thankful for her. Thank you so much lord for blessing me with an Phenomenal family and incredibly phenomenal mother. Thank you for giving me the strength to move forward and put things in the past.
And the person that did this was a result of a horrible relationship that went sour. I was in love_ he was in love with money. I’ve learned My lesson. I’m so much greater and blessed for it today, and I believe nothing less. That is the last I will speak of this, let’s praise god And be greatful and thankful for your family, and people that truly love you, strength, courage, and life lessons learned. GodblessUall

What the fuck ever. She’s lying and doing coke. She’s half Whitney Houston and half Bobby Brown, of course she does coke. This is like if Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan had a kid together, but with me assuming this one would be better at sports because I’m racist.

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Tags: bobbi kristina, bobby brown, whitney houston |

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07.19.2010 monday morning headlines

INCEPTION - made $60 million to easily win the weekend box office. ‘Despicable Me’ was in second with 32.7m, and ‘the Sorcerers Apprentice’ was third with a disappointing 17m. But don’t panic Hollywood. People can’t get enough movies about a kid who thinks they’re ordinary until an eccentric stranger arrives and teaches them to use their untapped magic powers. I see no reason to stop making those. (variety)

WHITNEY HOUSTON - spends over 6 grand a week on cocaine, over 325 grand a year, and she could be dead in a year according to worried friends and an even more worried coke dealer. (enquirer)

TIGER WOODS - pouts like a little girl when things don’t go his way, so naturally he threw a hissyfit at the British Open Saturday before finishing in 23rd place. It was right after he missed a 2 foot putt that any toddler could make even if they were blindfolded and held the club upside down. Then he acted like it was the courses fault. Yeah that must be it Tiger. That hole has a strict Whites Only policy. (huff post)

ANNALYNNE MCCORD - turned 23 on Friday, and this weekend she celebrated in Vegas at Wet Republic with Kellan Lutz from ‘Twilight’. She looked pretty weird actually, and he’s genuinely ugly. If these two ever have a baby there’s a good chance one of the nurses would beat it with a bible. (splash)

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Tags: annalynne mccord, bikini, bikinis, headlines, inception, tiger woods, weekend box office, whitney houston |

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05.03.2010 whitneys still got it

These pictures of Whitney Houston in concert over the weekend in England are a poignant reminder that many people doubted Whitney before this tour, and didn’t believe that someone could do crack for 10 years and then step back on stage at the peak of her powers, as if she never left.

But the reason a few of the “haters” felt that way is because it’s 100 percent true. You can’t do that. I’m not sure why anyone thought any outcome other than complete and total failure was even a possibly. It never was. She looks like a female impersonator who is trying to be Vivica A Fox.

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02.25.2010 whitney houstons still got it

Whitney Houston has been getting lots of very justified criticism in the past 24 hours for her crappy performance of “I Will Always Love You” in Brisbane, Australia this week (before and after up top, video of her entire performance under the cut). The song is famous for the huge ending, but that was before Whitney spent 10 years smoking crack, which doesn’t have as many vitamins and minerals as you might think.

Now she’s a growling mess, and she can’t even come close to holding notes the way she used to. The concert should have been called, “Back Up Singers And Overly Loud Drumming, featuring guest star Whitney Houston.”