Bobbi Kristina Never Had a Chance

By Lex February 02, 2015 @ 12:54 PM


Being the kid of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown is like winning the lottery where you get money but everything else in your life is supremely fucked up forever more. So, just like the regular lottery. Just for kicks, the authorities are calling Bobbi Kristina face down in a tub a cardiac arrest. Thirty-seven interested parties have quickly come out to claim there were no drugs involved. Thirty-six of these people said the same thing when Whitney Houston was found cocained to the bottom of the Hilton tub in 2012. The thirty-seventh is the drug dealer who sold to both Whitney and her daughter. It’s not that 21-year old girls don’t just routinely have heart attacks when taking their 10 am baths, it’s just that they don’t.

Photo credit: Splash News

Whitney Houston’s Mom Not Down For Biopic

By Matt July 28, 2014 @ 7:17 AM


There is a Lifetime movie about Whitney Houston’s life in the works, but her mom doesn’t want it to move forward. Cissy Houston is apparently concerned the movie will distort the facts of Whitney’s life, like that she was a crackhead or was married to Bobby Brown or occasionally sang. She finds it irritating none of the people involved in the film’s production were personal friends of Whitney:

No one connected with this movie knew Whitney or anything about her relationship with Bobby… I find it difficult to believe people who knew and supposedly loved her would participate in a movie about her done by folks who didn’t know her.

Who does this woman expect should be directing the movie, Cousin Tanya from down the street? This is a Lifetime movie. It’ll be seen by seventeen women who are mostly trying not to think about cheesecake or their desiccated vaginas or whether cheesecake can solve that dryness problem if applied directly. Naturally the movie will portray Whitney as a screaming, vamping, screeching, nagging, and snorting mess. And we’ll all pretend to feel bad  for Cissy and talk about what a hatchet job Lifetime did with Whitney’s life. Then we’ll all secretly agree it was pretty accurate.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

Whitney Houston Superfan Buys Her Old House

By Lex June 05, 2014 @ 12:22 PM

In Los Angeles, 1.5 million gets you a junior sized bungalow where Judy Garland used to chase downers with whiskey while screaming at Liza for being such an ugly baby. But in New Jersey it gets you Whitney Houston’s 13,000 square foot home on five acres with a tennis court and pool. It’s the same home where Whitney married Bobby Brown and sealed her fate. Some young physician in Jersey purchased her former residence, claiming he loved her for the generous and caring person she was. He labels the real estate acquisition as a smart investment even though the home has been dropping in price ever since originally being placed on the market. I assume he means there’s likely enough cocaine hidden in the mansion to vault him into prime position to become the next El Chapo. It’s all built into the wallpaper. The strawberries taste like strawberries and the snozzberries taste like Whitney’s upper lip if you had licked it right before her last bath.

Photo credit: Zillow

Whitney to be ‘celebrated’ at Clive Davis’ Grammy party

By brendon February 08, 2013 @ 3:08 PM


Considering that Whitney Houston was found dead just house before Clive Davis’ annual Grammy party, in the same hotel where the party was being held, many thought he might cancel things this year. But this is Hollywood so fuck that. Instead they’re calling it a “celebration” of her life, a life where she ignored every warning, got high for 30 years then overdosed and drowned.

“Were going to keep that tradition and celebrate her, celebrate music and mark the occasion of the one-year anniversary of her premature, tragic passing,” he said. “But make sure that people remember her always.”

Someone should dig her body up and put it in one of the guest bathtubs filled with water, and then use her lipstick to write some random name on the wall. Like Andy Richter or someone. Because at least 70 percent of this country are fuckin idiots and they’ll think Whitney Houstons ghost is trying to tell us she was murdered by Andy Richter.

I mean there’s nothing else good goin on lately; might as well do something.

Bobbi Kristina is marrying her “adopted brother”

By brendon October 11, 2012 @ 1:16 PM


Whitney Houston believed the children were our future, teach them well and something something, but not if you’re a drug addict. Crack heads shouldn’t be teaching the children a god damn thing. But Whitney did and now her daughter Bobbi Kristina is a gap toothed idiot too.

Example: in this clip from A&E’s upcoming ‘The Houstons: On Our Own’, Kristina (19) confirms that she is engaged to Nick Gordon (22), and while his past is a bit of a mystery, we do know he was unofficially adopted by Houston when he was young and raised alongside Bobbi. So she’s essentially marrying (and fucking) her step-brother. Hot, right?

So I guess recording your step-sister in the shower and masturbating to it isn’t so weird after all, and my dad owes me an apology.

(image source = fame/flynet)

Whitney Houstons daughter got a WH tat

By brendon August 09, 2012 @ 4:31 PM


Bobbi Kristina and her pussy-whipped boyfriend went out last night and got some tattoos of doves and “WH” on their wrists in honor of today, Whitney Houston’s 49th birthday. Bobbi tweeted:

“Once it hits 12 am mommy it’s your birthday & I am going2celebrate it2thee fullest!
Bc YOU deserve it damn it, YOU deaerveNothingburtheBEST!”

Well, Whitney may or may not deaerve Nothing bur the BEST, but it’s actually not her birthday because she overdosed on drugs and now she’s dead. Does Bobbi not remember that? It was in all the papers. “BTW, I kEEpz callin U. Y U no pik up?”