was Whitney Houston murdered?

By brendon February 14, 2012 @ 2:19 PM

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Spolier Alert: no. Actually there’s no evidence of this being anything but a drug overdose and an accident, but Nancy Grace was on CNN last night implying it might have been murder anyway.

“I’d like to know who was around her, who, if anyone gave her drugs, following alcohol and drugs, and who let her slip, or pushed her, underneath that water?”
“Apparently no signs of force or trauma to the body. Who let Whitney Houston go under her water?”

Is Nancy Grace seriously so fat that she thinks people can’t slip the surface of water without some kind of help? CNN could have gotten literally anyone on earth and they would have been better than this dolt, even if all that person did was go outside and sit in a tree house.

(image source of whitney last night in her fancy gold hearse, being taken from the airport in newark to the funeral home = pacific coast)

a ghost plane is on its way to New Jersey

By brendon February 13, 2012 @ 6:50 PM

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Whitney Houston is going home one last time, says People magazine. And also getting high one last time, as her body was flown from LA to New Jersey today (on a private jet owned by Tyler Perry) for a funeral in Newark later this week and a possible memorial service at the Prudential Center.

Prudential has already begun to make plans for the memorial by wrapping the big white rock in their logo in a plastic bag in her honor.

Whitney Houston is easily replaced

By brendon February 13, 2012 @ 12:45 PM

Everyone was really sad last night at the Grammies, just one day after Whitney Houston died, because she was such a special talent and impossible to replace. So to make everyone feel better, Jennifer Hudson sang Whitney’s big hit, “I Will Always Love You”.

That of course is a song that Dolly Parton wrote in 1973, and Hudson sang it every bit as good as she did, so it turns out Whitney is not that special and can be replaced on about 24 hours notice. Whew, what a relief!

the kick didn’t wake up Whitney Houston

By brendon February 13, 2012 @ 9:34 AM

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When Whitney Houston was found dead on Saturday at the Beverly Hilton at the age of 48, early reports suggested she may have fallen asleep or blacked out in the bathtub and drowned. Oh but you’ll never guess why she blacked out. Not in a million years.

Whitney Houston’s family was told by L.A. County Coroner officials she did not die from drowning, but rather from what appears to be a combination of Xanax and other prescription drugs mixed with alcohol … this according to family sources (and TMZ).

Which Radar pretty much confirms:

Houston had “a plethora of sedatives including Lorazepam, Valium, Xanax, and a sleeping medication that was found in her hotel room,” a law enforcement source tells us.

So there you go. Whitney Houston got drunk and high and drowned. It’s like if Tyler Perry had made ‘Inception’.

Whitney Houston is in rehab

By brendon May 09, 2011 @ 3:01 PM

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Whitney Houston has been drinking and doing drugs for about 20 years now, and she’s been in rehab twice, once in 2004 and again a year later, but apparently she still has a problem. So with that in mind she is now…

A) turning herself over to experts and following their every order to address a problem that is obviously out of her control.

or…

B) doing the absolute minimum, because that should be good enough.

Ok now let’s see what the answer is. I bet it’s surprising!

“Whitney Houston is currently in an out-patient rehab program for drug and alcohol treatment,” her rep tells PEOPLE in a statement. “Whitney voluntarily entered the program to support her long-standing recovery process.”

With this program, Whitney still lives at home and does all the same stuff she normally does, in the all the same places, but monitored by a “sober companion”. Which is someone who makes 8 dollars an hour to follow Whiteny around and lecture her. Knowing Whitney, this has success written all over it. She’s probably already cured.

Friday headlines, with Lindsay Lohan and green ooze

By brendon May 06, 2011 @ 5:46 PM

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THE DARK KNIGHT RISES – had it’s first day of filming today in India, and already there are mysterious pictures from the set showing a green ooze. And the internet is all, “Is that the Lazarus Pit? Is Ra’s al Ghul in this? That’s so stupid, that doesn’t fit the canon, this is Batman in real life! This movie sucks, I hate it!” (latino review)

WHITNEY HOUSTONS DAUGHTER – was arrested for possession of alcohol (she’s 18) after some kind of gun fight between her friends and her ex boyfriend. A shocked and frightened Whitney has heard to ask, “Does anyone know what happened to the alcohol, where is it now?” (the enquirer)

THE OFFICE – had it’s first episode with Will Ferrell replacing Steve Carell last night, and the ratings were down 17 percent. If I were them I’d just keep saying Carell is on it and see how long before people figure it out. (thr)

THOR – has 175 reviews so far, and an impressive 80 percent of them are positive. Although a lot of them sound like Hollywood has lowered our summer expectations to a degree where all you have to do to get a good review is not completely fuck everything up. (rotten tomatoes)

X MEN FIRST CLASS – has a new character trailer, this time for Mystique, who is played by Oscar nominee Jennifer Lawrence. Of course if she was any good she would have won. If Julia Roberts has one, how hard could it really be. (youtube)

LINDSAY LOHAN – began her community service today at a women’s shelter in Los Angeles, although you’re forgiven if you assumed the green ooze in the headline was going to have something to do with her vagina. In your defense we’re still not sure it doesn’t. (inf)