I suppose it’s possible that Megan Fox will let you bang her in the ass before midnight tonight, but short of that the most awesome thing that will happen to you all day is when you hear Opie and Anthony (official site here) and the great Patrice O’Neal listen to a now very famous youtube video.
This has astoundingly NSFW language, so keep that in mind if co-workers would object to the sounds of anal rape and then you pounding your desk in uncontrolled spasms of laughter.
I only occasionally get stories directly from trusted sources, I get most of them from online news reports, so I haven’t developed Perez Hiltons keen eye for the inner workings of Hollywood. It sounds silly now, but many thought when reports came flooding in that Michael Jackson had a heart attack, it meant he had a heart attack. But Perez knows how to read between the lines. This was his first post when the story broke:
“We knew something like this would happen!!
Michael Jackson was taken by ambulance from his Holmby Hills home to a nearby Los Angeles hospital on Thursday afternoon!!
Supposedly, the singer went into cardiac arrest and the paramedics had to administer CPR!!!
His mother is even on the way to visit him!!!
We are dubious!!
Jacko pulled a similar stunt when he was getting ready for his big HBO special in ‘95 when he “collapsed” at rehearsal!
He was dragging his heels on that just like his upcoming 50 date London residency at the 02 Arena, of which he already postponed the first few dates!!!
Either he’s lying or making himself sick, but we’re curious to see if he’s able to go on!!!
Get your money back, ticket holders!!!!”
(screencap here)
Will.I.Am and Perez Hilton have both issued statements today concerning the incident this weekend in Toronto, and I’m sure it’s just coincidence, but Will.I.Am’s statement is 172 words long, and he uses I, me or my 4 times. Once every 43 words.
Hilton’s statement is 411 words long, and he uses I, me or my 41 times. Over 10 percent of his statement is I, me or my.
Hilton’s statement (read it here) is allegedly an apology, but he does not apologize for lying on twitter when he wrote that Will.I.Am assaulted him, he does not apologize for screaming “you’re a fucking faggot” at Will.I.Am, and he specifically does not apologize to GLAAD, who earlier this week criticized his use of offensive gay slurs. To be honest it’s not entirely clear what he is apologizing for. He does however manage to work in two compliments to himself. He’s a class act.
“I am sorry that any good work I have done for promoting equality may be tainted by me reclaiming a hurtful word…”
“I am apologizing to the gay community, to anyone who was hurt by my choice of words, and to all the people who have ever emailed me to thank me for all that I have done to fight for gay rights over the last few years.”
Will.I.Am takes a slightly different approach (read it here)…
“I will not continue to comment specifically on the incident that happened in Toronto last weekend… But I would hate for my silence to be misconstrued… I do not condone harassment or violence of any kind…
No one deserves physical abuse…
And no one deserves verbal abuse…
Everyone needs to be respected…”
I hope Wills incendiary language doesn’t set Perez off again. You have to tread very lightly or he’ll scream at you. It’s like dealing with a rabid monkey.
I don’t know if you knew this, but if you’re a guy, and you go out of your way to antagonize and provoke another guy, if you try to embarrass him in front of his friends and peers, if you call him the worst names you can think up, that may lead to a fight. Shocking, yes?
This is what happened last night after the Much Music Awards in Toronto, according to Perez Hilton after Will.I.Am allegedly punched him. The summary is from MTV.
“And that’s when I made the split-second decision that I was going to say what I thought was the worst possible thing that a thug would ever want to hear. … I told him, ‘And you know what, I don’t need to respect you … and you’re a f–. You’re gay and stop being such a f—-t.’ And I knew that was going to set him off, but I didn’t want to get into a fight with this person, so we leave. [He] followed me outside of the club … then his manager, Polo, whom I have met before, from behind, comes up to me, clocks me in the eye and punches me two or three times. I am in shock. I just did not know what to do.”
If this we’re a Hollywood movie, no one would ever believe it. But this amazing tale really happened! One guy provoked another guy and called him a fag and it led to a fight. What a shocking conclusion. If they made a TV show about this, they should call it “Shocking Conclusions”.
