The Warner Bros. Wonder Woman film has started its eighteen month long marketing campaign with a bang of female empowerment and girl power. Wonder Woman isn’t just a superhero, she’s a brave powerful woman who doesn’t need your help opening doors, just a level playing field, equal pay for equal work, and maybe you could call and say something comforting after the first three abortions. Warner Bros. released the first promo piece for the film featuring Kevin Smith as the moderator and a bunch of people working on the film discussing Wonder Woman as an Amazonian Ruth Bader Ginsburg who is good and kind but still much stronger than the men she battles. Kevin Smith declares Wonder Woman a feminist icon. Some dude announces that she stands for gender equality. I’ve read the comics. I don’t remember that part. Wasn’t she born on an island of hot bisexual women who rubbed each’s tits with hot oil while talking about what real cock must feel like?
Chris Pine boldly asserts this is a pivotal moment in history to have a movie about such a powerful woman. Why? It’s unclear. Ten out of ten actresses nominated for Oscars are women. That seems like a lot. Getting into some Jennifer Lawrence isn’t as simple as it was just a year ago. Can’t Wonder Woman just be a superhero movie where she kicks some Kraut ass? Captain America seems less complicated. But I suppose that’s the point. He’s got male privilege and can afford to be. I appreciate a mythical women that fights for the world of men. Still, bitch better be making me nachos during the Super Bowl or back to the island.
The newest pictures from the set of Wonder Woman, taken last night in Hollywood, seem to show even more changes to her costume from that first god awful picture.
We already knew they re-made her pants in a different fabric and changed her boots from blue to red, but now they seem to have added more padding to her top to make her tits bigger. We’ve also learned that even the most powerful woman on earth is still a woman, and she gets a nice pat on the ass when she does a good job. So if you’re done saving the city, run along and get me some coffee, toots.
Hollywood really needs to stop remaking shit from the 70‘s. First of all, you could walk on any given set at any given time and hear someone say, “hey have you seen my cocaine”, but more importantly there were three channels back then. Just because a show got good ratings doesn’t mean it was good. It just means the other two were worse.
Case in point; Wonder Woman, the NBC remake which began filming last night in Hollywood. It seems hard to believe but the outfit looks even dumber in motion than it did standing still. It’s like you’re being arrested by a professional wrestler, or would be if she could manage to turn a corner without falling down.
Coming Soon has the very first picture of Adrianne Palicki in the new NBC version of Wonder Woman (full size here), and holy shit are you god damn kidding me.
She looks like a model for a Halloween website, and there’s no reason for it because it takes 3 seconds to run a search and find a hundred sexy Wonder Woman costume ideas. Like photoshopped Megan Fox. Or photoshopped Megan Fox as Supergirl which for some reason comes up. Or Veronika Zemanova (nsfw versions here). Or anyofthesedrawings. Or Denise Milani. She does look better than Kim Kardashian did though, and Olivia Munn, and this naked black guy holding his penis. But not as good as her and Supergirl about to do it. Or naked and losing at strip poker. She’s 300 feet tall and her clothes are ripped off and a machine is making love to her for some no doubt rational reason in this one. Naked while a guy jacks off on her here, though that may not be an official Wonder Woman cartoon. This one is just Kim Possible naked while some green girl shoves a vibrator in her ass, and to be honest I don’t feel like that one should have even come up during my sexy Wonder Woman costume search. Is it sexy? Yes, of course, obviously, but not only are they not Wonder Woman, they’re not even wearing costumes.
In summation, NBC has the worst Wonder Woman ever except for two $10 costumes and a masturbating hermaphrodite. Way to go, NBC. Clap. Clap. Clap.
Deadline says today that Adrianne Palicki of Friday Night Lights has not only won the role of Wonder Woman in the new NBC series, but she was the only actress even invited to test for it.
Unfortunately that’s not Palicki in the headline. That’s Denise Milani. Palicki is apparently a good actress, HitFix seems to think she’s perfect for this, but it won’t really matter.
Let’s not kid each other; Wonder Woman is pretty useless. Her only weapon is a lasso. A rope, with a hoop on the end. You ever been in a bad neighborhood and thought, “man, if only I had a rope with a hoop on the end right now.” If your baby calf is running away, there’s no one more qualified to help than Wonder Woman. Other than that she’s basically a tall Hooters waitress who took some tae-bo classes.
This show is actually fascinating because it could be one of the most shockingly bad and confusing shows to ever air on television. The Daily Beast got a copy of the script for the pilot, and suffice to say that Diana Prince/Wonder Woman is a bit different now.
Los Angeles-based mega-billionaire Diana—who collects planes and a multitude of transforming aircraft called “Ultimates” (no invisible plane in sight here)—as she attempts to take down an evil pharmaceutical company run by morally corrupt scientist Veronica Cale, who is mass-producing a human-growth hormone that is causing its users, mostly black inner city youth, to die. Along the way, she tackles criminals, a Senate subcommittee, and a broken heart, the latter courtesy of lost love Steve Trevor.
She also has some third identity; “mousy assistant Diana Price”.
Go ahead and read that again you want. You can read it every day until you’re a hundred and it’s still not gonna make an ounce of sense. I was hoping they’d at least cast some hot piece of ass with big tits. Like they did with Lynda Carter. I’d watch a home movie about my girlfriend being gangbanged if they stuck a topless picture of Lynda Carter in the corner. But no. No they didn’t do that.
LARRY KING – announced his retirement last night and ‘Americas Got Talent’ judge Piers Morgan could sign a deal to replace him as early as today. King had no comment about Morgan because CNN had already pushed him down the stairs and locked the door behind him. (radar)
WONDER WOMAN – has a new costume and her slutty bodysuit has been replaced with pants and a jacket. The new writer also wanted to, “give her breast reduction surgery.” You’ve just made yourself a powerful new enemy, you sick son of a bitch. (ny times)
EMINEM – sold 741,000 copies of ‘Recovery’ last week, the biggest debut since 2008. The biggest debut of the decade of course was when my ex girlfriend saw my dick for the first time. Seriously. It’s humongous. Call me ladies! (yahoo)
ZOE SALDANA – is engaged. To a white guy. First Halle Berry now Zoe. Who does Seleta Ebanks date? Black guys won’t take this much longer, not when we’re giving them Khloe Kardashian in exchange. We could be on the verge of a race war. (msnbc)
JESSICA ALBA – is in Paris, but more to the point she looks fantastic in shorts. Too bad about that dumb kid, but at least Jessica didn’t get fat. That would be a much tougher problem. You can’t drown fat in a sink and throw it in a dumpster if you catch my drift. (splash)