By Lex May 14, 2013 @ 6:13 PM
The big press release I got said ‘Zoe Saldana is nude in this month’s Allure!’. Okay, it wasn’t a press release so much as FSI in Glamour that fell out when I was perusing an article about how to Ombre your own hair. It was for a friend. Fuck, I said too much. The point is, Zoe Saldana is not nude in the magazine. She has no clothes. She’s technically nude. But, again, I call upon Stripper Law to plainly state that when a neon light blinks ‘LIVE NUDE GIRLS’, you’re going to see both Hooties and the Blowfish. If they wheel a girl out and she’s twisted up into a PG-rated pretzel, at least the DJ is now dead. There ought to be about 20 terms in the English language that when intentionally misused in advertising result in the punishment of death. Strip show, nude girls, free fries…
Photo Credit: Allure Magazine
By Lex May 09, 2013 @ 12:48 PM
I’d be lying like most men if I didn’t say I took a turn or two at thoughts of Zoe Saldana ten feet tall and blue and nude after seeing Avatar seven times in 3D. I like exotic women and the idea of a woman with twice normal size breasts seems appealing. In reality, Zoe’s boobs are much smaller. She doesn’t even wear a bra much of the time. And she’s not even blue. The actual proximity of masturbation fantasies to reality continues to suck.
Photo Credit: Splash, WENN
By brendon December 02, 2011 @ 1:49 PM
Zoe Saldana broke up with her fiancé last month after dating for 11 years, and yesterday Star said it was because she and Bradley Cooper were doing it now. They noted that the two filmed a movie together over the summer, and that Bradley Cooper is very handsome. I too am very handsome, so the story seemed plausible.
But now Saldanas agent says the rumor isn’t true, that they’re nothing more than “friends who worked on a recent film.” But if you read between the lines it sounds like they were having sex all the time, and then one day Zoe came to him crying because she was pregnant and Bradley made her get an abortion because, as he put it, “I aint havin’ me no colored baby.”
This Bradley Cooper fella sounds like a real piece of shit! Zoe Saldana is better off without him, I say!
(image source = bauer griffin)
X MEN: FIRST CLASS – has 3 new character trailers for Beast, Banshee, and Havok, also known as, “Oh I Thought That Was Young Cyclops”, “Who?”, and “The One Who Humps Out Laser Hoops”. (mtv)
CONAN THE BARBARIAN – has a new trailer out today, and at the end it mentions that this was shot in 3D, as if you couldn’t tell by the stunning percentage of pointy things flying at the screen. (yahoo)
COLUMBIANA – stars Zoe Saldana as an 80-pound lethal assassin, but it’s from the director of ‘Taken’ so I’m sure that’s all explained and it’ll make sense. (yahoo)
KELLY BROOK – is in the new UK Esquire, but unlike yesterday the issue is now out and so here are all the pictures. I sure would love to come across a girl who looks like this. So to speak. (esquire)
By brendon June 30, 2010 @ 11:04 AM
LARRY KING – announced his retirement last night and ‘Americas Got Talent’ judge Piers Morgan could sign a deal to replace him as early as today. King had no comment about Morgan because CNN had already pushed him down the stairs and locked the door behind him. (radar)
WONDER WOMAN – has a new costume and her slutty bodysuit has been replaced with pants and a jacket. The new writer also wanted to, “give her breast reduction surgery.” You’ve just made yourself a powerful new enemy, you sick son of a bitch. (ny times)
EMINEM – sold 741,000 copies of ‘Recovery’ last week, the biggest debut since 2008. The biggest debut of the decade of course was when my ex girlfriend saw my dick for the first time. Seriously. It’s humongous. Call me ladies! (yahoo)
ZOE SALDANA – is engaged. To a white guy. First Halle Berry now Zoe. Who does Seleta Ebanks date? Black guys won’t take this much longer, not when we’re giving them Khloe Kardashian in exchange. We could be on the verge of a race war. (msnbc)
JESSICA ALBA – is in Paris, but more to the point she looks fantastic in shorts. Too bad about that dumb kid, but at least Jessica didn’t get fat. That would be a much tougher problem. You can’t drown fat in a sink and throw it in a dumpster if you catch my drift. (splash)
TWITTER ……….. FACEBOOK ……….. GUDVANGEN, NORWAY
By brendon January 22, 2010 @ 6:29 PM
Speaking of Haiti and the telethon, the list of Hollywood stars who will be manning the phones is now out (highlights below, full list under the cut). What a sexy telethon this is gonna be.
Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Alec Baldwin, Gerard Butler, Sacha Baron Cohen, Bradley Cooper, Daniel Craig, Cindy Crawford, Penelope Cruz, Michael Clarke Duncan, Zac Efron, Colin Farrell, Mel Gibson, Selena Gomez, Neil Patrick Harris, Vanessa Hudgens, Dwayne Johnson, Daniel Day Lewis, Ewan McGregor, Toby Maguire, Jack Nicholson, Zoe Saldana (pictured), Adam Sandler, Nicole Scherzinger, Steven Spielberg, Charlize Theron, Sofia Vergara, Mark Wahlberg, Olivia Wilde, Reese Witherspoon
They should put up each celebrities number because I’m not giving shit to Billy Crystal. If anything I’d just call him a dick and hang up. That’s not gonna help Haiti. And Noah Wylie is probably just there to collect credit card numbers. I wasn’t born yesterday. I want Vanessa Hudgens, to see if she’d flash her bra to the camera for a thousand dollar donation. Look Vanessa, do you want to help these people or not?
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