By Matt August 14, 2014 @ 8:40 AM
Christina Aguilera wants to pose naked in Playboy after she gives birth to her second child by whomever she’s banging these days. That sentence is akin to saying she wants to go drag racing after slamming down a power hour. Just because you want to do something doesn’t make it a good idea. Playboy used to be the bible for the hottest young women in the world. Now they allow chicks who were considered good looking a decade ago cover their gunt with a satin sheet and show some nipple simply because they might sell a couple extra copies in Bulgaria.
You are not supposed to Want To Do Playboy. Playboy is supposed to Want To Do You. Aguilera will be lauded by the self appreciative housewife lobby for having the courage to show her imperfect post-natal ass then they’ll bitch and moan when it’s airbrushed into a perfect hairless slab. Playboy used to be a magazine for dudes to jerk off to, now its used for the celebrities to metaphorically jerk off themselves and not in the Beaver Hunt good way like in Hustler. Yeah, I’ll still check out the pictures. But I won’t enjoy them.
Photo Credit: V Magazine
By Lex August 01, 2014 @ 8:54 AM
Whenever people talk about Christina Aguilera, they always say she’s reinventing herself. I think that means she’s losing weight again after packing on a few. Or she’s decided to try sobriety in the noon hour. In this case, Christina’s reinventing herself once more by boldly being the twenty-eighth celebrity to pose naked while pregnant for a fashion magazine. Grabbing your tits in front of a camera ought to be a right of pregnancy passage for all women with personal trainers and stylists. There’s no reason you shouldn’t be getting your six month ultrasounds in pumps and a fuck-me pose.
Photo Credit: V Magazine
By Lex January 03, 2014 @ 5:36 PM
Maybe it wasn’t the best idea for a woman to launch a bawdy sexualized song with a known defiler of underaged girls. Lady Gaga probably didn’t give a shit until her new album tanked in sales simultaneous to the uproar over R. Kelly’s pissing on pubescent girls came back into the media spotlight. Such is the whimsical nature of creating art with sex offenders. Lady Gaga’s P.R. machine, along with her desperately bleeding cash record label, got Christina Aguilera to re-do ‘Do What U Want’ taking over R. Kelly’s role in the duet with Lady Gaga. They released it on iTunes and are mostly hoping people forget about the R. Kelly intercourse version showcased on SNL and at the American Music Awards.
“When I heard she [Christina] wanted to collaborate, I said of course! She’s such an innovative artist and a risk taker. And as a fellow female, I have so much respect for that.” – Lady Gaga pretending to tell a truth
Yes, of course she wanted to collaborate, after she got offered lots of money to make people forget about the dude who used to arrange underaged sex shows in his condo. I didn’t really need a new version of this crappy song to make me forget about the two month old version of the crappy song. I’m guessing we’re not likely now to ever see the provocative music video Terry Richardson was creating for the R. Kelly and Lady Gaga version. I wonder if they sampled the crying girls from Chicago. That’s so Artpop!
Photo Credit: Versace
By Travis August 30, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
I’m not really into Christina Aguilera’s music, so when I started watching her new video for the song, “Let There Be Love,” I muted it. I also don’t really care about inspirational messages or making the world a better place, so every time that someone held up a sign or said something, I fast-forwarded the video. Basically, all I wanted to know was whether or not Christina is still in great shape after her exodus from obesity, and the answer is yes. Protect that body, Christina. That chest is a national treasure.
By Lex July 30, 2013 @ 5:52 PM
Christina Aguilera figured out that she doesn’t need to get drunk every night, just every other night, and the results are showing. Shed some pounds. Find clarity. Rediscover your true strengths. Like your tits. Yep, still there even when only moderately soused.
Here’s Christina Aguilera showing off at the TV Critics Association association thing. One day she’s going to turn around in that chair on The Voice and be naked. Let’s call that the day I start watching The Voice.
Photo Credit: Getty, WENN
By Lex July 24, 2013 @ 3:54 PM
Christina Aguilera has a new music video out. It’s a Spanish ballad. I’m not going to listen to it because I’ll probably end up crying thinking about the caballero that got away. But I’ll be damned if I’m not going to look at how they managed to make her look like a skinny blonde girl with big tits. That’s some voodoo magic right there.