By Travis April 24, 2014 @ 11:00 AM
Ancient comedienne Joan Rivers and her talentless daughter Melissa have apparently had a reality show on the WE network for several years now, and it reveals how zany and bizarre their life is together, as they continue to be the only people who can stand them. They were on the Today Show this week to promote the series, and while describing a scene in which Joan is tearing down a wall in their home, she explained that “Those women in the basement in Cleveland had more space,” referring to Amanda Berry and Gina DeJesus, who were held hostage by Ariel Castro for a decade.
Now, Amanda’s and Gina’s lawyers are demanding an apology, and Joan told TMZ that she’s too old to give a shit about what their lawyers want.
“They got to live rent free for more than a decade.”
“One of them has a book deal. Neither are in a psych ward. They’re ok. I bet you within 3 years one of them will be on Dancing with the Stars.”
People are obviously offended, because it’s a weekday and people need something to be offended about, but who honestly gives a shit what Joan says anymore? She’d probably get an even better TV show if she just keeps saying the most offensive shit that she can think of. Preferably about her worthless daughter.
By Travis April 24, 2014 @ 10:00 AM
Now that Cameron Diaz is 41-years old, a lot of people are starting to focus on the fact that she isn’t married and that she’s never had kids, which is really unfair to her. After all, it’s not her fault that she didn’t jump all over and tie herself to any of the millions of men who would have murdered in her honor during her prime. She just never found the right man or never felt the urge to create life, and maybe all she wants to do is keep making terrible romantic comedies and twerk with giant panda bears on her Tonight Show appearances. However, there might be another reason that she’s single, as she revealed a very interesting hygiene note to E! News at the premiere of The Other Woman on Monday night.
“I don’t believe in antiperspirant. It’s really bad for you. I haven’t used it for almost 20 years. You’re stinky, because you use antiperspirant. It keeps all the stink in. Let it go and just trim your armpit hair so it doesn’t hold onto the scent.”
That’s really good advice, and I bet she looks forward to sharing it with no one in another 20 years.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Travis April 24, 2014 @ 9:00 AM
The 2014 Golden Gods Awards took place last night in Los Angeles, and the event was such a huge celebration of the year’s best in Heavy Metal that it aired exclusively on a VH1 live feed. And if you missed it last night, or you’re a purist who can only watch meaningless awards shows on TV, you only have to wait another month until VH1 Classic airs some highlights of the show. Fortunately, Peter Pan rocker Dave Navarro was keeping everyone updated from the red carpet on Twitter, and he even reunited with his ex-wife Carmen Electra to show us all how chlamydia is made. Did these two former lovers rekindle their once-steamy love? Probably. They’re both single and on the wrong side of 40, so Dave’s probably taking advantage of every chance he can get before his dick finally falls off.
Photo Credit: Twitter, Getty
By Lex April 23, 2014 @ 5:59 PM
Many NFL cheerleaders are now suing their respective NFL teams for being made to work for free. And by being made to work for free, I mean, they put on cakes of makeup and super tight workout gear, cut any bitch who stepped in front of them in line, and begged the teams to let them come cheer for free. Beyond just the dispute over the meaning of the word free, some of Buffalo Jills cheerleader claim they were gawked at, fondled, and told to jiggle their bodies to see how they looked in the unis during tryouts. Outrageous. All you ever wanted was to pom pom in a super short skirt and a bra for 60,000 drunk dudes and this is what you’re subjected to? Even off-Interstate strippers get treated nicer. And they get paid. Which leads me to one fucking conclusion, why the hell are you not stripping? You know, you can hook up with professional athletes and have illegitimate babies via the Internet these days. If you’re a stripper, your odds rise astronomically of at least one child support claim. And you don’t need to put up with all that objectification nonsense, not without some Washington’s stuffed into your crannies. Despite all the brochures, cheerleading is not a real profession. These ‘indentured servitude’ lawsuits make a mockery of the real misery of slave labor experienced by seamstresses in Myanmar or Kendra Wilkinson’s husband. Let it go. G-O. Let it go.
By Lex April 23, 2014 @ 5:08 PM
It’s hard to say how Alec Baldwin will respond to his eighteen year old daughter hanging out tight with butch rapper Angel Haze. I don’t mean how he’ll respond publicly in a prepared moment with his hair perfectly coiffed. I mean in that special rage place that Long Island Hellboy goes to when he’s had a couple too many gins and is calling paparazzi cocksucking fags and his own daughter a rude little pig. Until recently, Ireland had been dating that fake surfer dude with the funny white guy name. I guess when he broke her heart she ran into the arms of Angel Haze, an outspoken proponent of an openly gay voice in the otherwise highly homophobic rap community. The girls have been coloring their hair together, dancing at Coachella, sending out bubbly gushy crush Tweets to each other, and even got matching tattoos.
Never been so fascinated by one person. Like endlessly. Even your happiness has become my own. — Angel Tweeted
I don’t know the world of women all that well, but for men, you’re only getting matching tattoos if you served together, you pledged together, or you’re sucking each other’s bone at night. I know Ireland Baldwin isn’t in the military, or school for that matter. So I’m going to assume it’s the bone. Seeing Michelle Rodriguez swoop in and gobble up Cara Delevingne’s snatch must’ve sent shockwaves through the modeling community. A professional permission to openly scissor kiss other girls by day and still book the Versace show at full card rate in the evening. I’m all in favor of this lesbian model wave. I just hope to God somebody remembers to take pictures.
Photo credit: Ireland Baldwin, Instragram
By Lex April 23, 2014 @ 4:33 PM
Girls from Belarus can do fierce face better than American girls. That’s a scientific fact. American women are soft from too many take-out salads and advanced sexual toys and Fat Oprah owned channels. While Belarus women must fight the local swamp rats for scraps of dead pigeon entrails to feed their families. You start fighting the local rodent population to avoid starvation, you’ll get a fierce fucking smirk. It could also be gas.
Photo Credit: Vogue Spain
By Lex April 23, 2014 @ 4:02 PM
Being the star of a J-Lo all-inclusive, multicultural, multisexuality, multiethnic, multiracial, blended family dramedy doesn’t pay like it used to, because Teri Polo just filed for bankruptcy. Looks like she busted right through that Fockers dough on essential handbags and Whole Foods dried fruit and now owes her credit card company and the IRS a ton o’ cash she can’t afford to pay back. Also, her landlord is suing her because he says she turned her luxury rental into a giant crapper for her twenty million dogs who pushed out feces in every corner of the abode and on the front walk, forcing even the neighbors to complain of the fetid smell. I don’t suppose Jennifer Lopez could come by with her shiny new GLAAD Media Award for The Fosters and use it to help Teri scoop up some of the turds. Or maybe just give her a raise so she can afford Whole Foods again. Nobody wants to see a TV star shopping at Ralph’s. It’s unsettling.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News
By Jack April 23, 2014 @ 2:42 PM
Elmo puppeteer Kevin Clash is in the clear after a court of appeals judge threw out his child molestation case. Three men brought a suit against Clash for trying to stick his hand up their puppet holes when they were still under the age of majority. The case was dismissed because the statute of limitations was up before the molested boys filed the suit. Clash is still facing a legal threat from a dude who claims that Clash made him smoke crystal meth before learning the words of the day, ‘ass’ and ‘rape’. Clash was driven off Sesame Street by Big Bird carrying a kitchen knife after allegations of diddling kids first appeared. Sadly, they quickly found a replacement puppeteer to stick his hand into Elmo, meaning that irritating bitch of a puppet lives on. I can only imagine how pleased that makes Clash’s victims who probably look for an upper floor window every time they hear that piercing voice.