Justin Bieber Pretends He’s Disabled And Shit Around The Web

By Jack July 23, 2014 @ 12:51 PM

Justin-Bieber-Wheelchair

Pixie fucktard Justin Bieber pulled another one of his signature dick moves by pretending to need a wheelchair so he could cut the line at Disneyland. If there was a God, this would’ve been the moment for those once every twenty years at Disneyland when a high tension rope or cable busts and decapitates a park visitor.

Read more about how to impersonate the disabled so you don’t have to wait in line. (TMZ)

Screeching harpie Lea Michele has a good  old fashioned nip slip (Drunken Stepfather)

Just a friendly reminder of what J-Lo looks like in a bikini. (Popoholic)

John Travolta’s former handy-boy sues so he can share tales of their  love. (Gawker)

Farrah Abraham opens a (man) yogurt shop. (Popbytes)

Eva Longoria is still hot and Latina. (Maxim)

Playmate Bianca Beauchamp’s workout video works the cock muscles. (BroBible)

Floridian’s tend to go anal when stashing their stash. (VICE)

(Image Via TMZ)

Lady Gaga Isn’t Fat, She’s Cloyingly Boned

By Lex July 23, 2014 @ 12:41 PM

lady-Gaga-Posts-Curvy-and-Proud-Pic-to-Instagram

This scourge of fat shaming has got to stop. I say this as a humanitarian, an anti-bullying advocate, and somebody who’s entire life savings is invested in a pharmaceutical company that produce therapeutic medication for diabetics. Lady Gaga has been looking pretty wholesale chunky these days. Not that it matters. I mean, it doesn’t matter for Lady Gaga because she’s so annoying in so many other ways that having a paunch barely comes to mind. It’s like criticizing Hitler for his gay Hitler mustache.

Lady Gaga fought back trolls calling her chubby cheeks the best way she knows how. Platitudes on Twitter and a photo of herself completely bundled up and saying she’s curvy and proud. It doesn’t make much sense, but six-figures worth of her fans supported her comments, because they can relate to being shamed for their looks or heavy mouth breathing after limited physical exertion or having dog poo crust in their hair.

Be brave and celebrate with us your ‘perceived flaws,’ as society tells us. May we make our flaws famous, and thus redefine the heinous,

That also doesn’t make any sense, but Gaga wrote it back in 2012 when she also packed on some pounds. If you bring up fat shaming and bullying, you can pretty much follow with any bit of nonsense you like and you’re bound to receive praise. It’s like citing Jesus in the South or hockey teams in the North. Everybody cheers blindly.

Photo credit: Lady Gaga/Instagram

Irina Shayk Upskirt Is Kind of Commie

By Lex July 23, 2014 @ 12:17 PM

Irina Shayk Upskirt Filming EXTRA In Universal City
The perfect summer wind blew up Irina Shayk’s skirt on the set of Extra. A.C. Slater got flummoxed and mentioned ten times how much he loves his wife and lady tits in rapid fire succession to remind everybody how straight he is. Irina Shayk just laughed breezily and said something in Russian that translates to ‘I’m in your movies now, you American fools. Soon, Master Putin and I will crush your testicular sacs.’ Nobody cared about the red menace because they were busy imagining just how great it would be to have sex with Irina Shayk.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, AKM-GSI, FameFlynet, Splash

Brandi Glanville Craves Attention Too

By Lex July 23, 2014 @ 11:39 AM

Brandi Glanville In A See Through Skirt Leaving Craig's In West Hollywood
Now that LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian have their own reality show dedicated to pretending they have better things to talk about than Eddie’s ex-wife Brandi Glanville, Brandi felt the telltale publicity sting in her vagina quarters pushing her to get back out in public and show off her tits and ass. It’s often good to take a pause at these moments and remember that most 40-something moms aren’t wasted in the streets flashing their panties on summer evenings. Just the interesting ones. I’m not sure who the Jon Gosselin lookalike is with Brandi, but I bet she’s drunk enough that he could impregnate her without her remembering. That is where Glanville babies come from.

Photo Credit: Splash

Selena Gomez And Cara Delevingne Wet Lesbianism Day Two

By Lex July 23, 2014 @ 10:41 AM

Selena Gomez And Cara Delevingne Go For A Swim In St Tropez
I remember what I got for my 22nd birthday. An eviction notice. Selena Gomez got herself some new tits, a lesbian mentor, and a ride on a billionaire’s yacht. Given the option, I would have taken the lesbian tits on a boat thing too.

As somebody who’s documented lots of girls having sex together via the Internet, I can tell you this thing always starts with girls jumping off high ledges into the water. It’s a lesbian initiation ritual. Some kind of vagina-on-vagina baptism of giggles and screams. I bet you won’t jump, Selena. I bet you won’t touch my boobs under my bikini. It happens that fast. Next thing you know you’re wearing toe rings and exploring Indigo Girls deep tracks on iTunes. Given that Selena lost her cherry to Justin Bieber, she can really only work her way up the sexual food chain. Scissor kissing young euro models doesn’t seem too horrible. I just hope they’re running tape on this.

Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, FameFlynet

Lana Del Rey Slutty But Boring

By Lex July 23, 2014 @ 10:09 AM

Lana Del Rey In A Sexy Photo Shoot For The October 2012 Issue Of GQ
Lana Del Rey may just be the world’s most boring interview. Having spent most of her teen school years intoxicated with sad poetry and booze, she seems to have been shortchanged in the conversational skills department. She knew she needed a good hook for her Complex interview, so she dropped the fact that she’s fucked a good number of music industry people through the years. That’s at least a something.

You know, I have slept with a lot of guys in the industry, but none of them helped me get my record deals. Which is annoying.

It’s not super intriguing, but the proud slut archetype is certainly more appealing than her usual Dead Poets Society angst at almost 30.

Lana Del Rey often gets criticized by feminist groups because she doesn’t punish men enough for wanting to get laid. Also, because feminist groups have to constantly criticize to avoid the overwhelming sensation of hunger from starving their body of meats and cheeses. But Lana ignores their shit. She’d rather tattoo pointless slogans like ‘trust no one’ and the names of famous poets and literary characters on her body so the record producers have something to look at while banging her. It’s a simple life she seems to enjoy. Except for that part where she says she wishes she were dead like Kurt Cobain. But when girls from Connecticut boarding schools glorify suicide, they usually do it without heroin coursing through their veins and a loaded shotgun in the room.

Photo Credit: GQ

Donald Sterling Sues Everybody

By Matt July 23, 2014 @ 8:22 AM

DSterling

Donald Sterling has filed a civil suit against his strangle estranged wife Shelly, NBA commissioner Adam Silver, and the entire NBA. Basically he’s putting everyone he is pissed at into one giant group and suing the shit out of them. He narrowly left out the guy who fucked up his sandwich order yesterday. Does Donald look like he can chew through a roll?

The monster lawsuit is seeking compensation for breach of contract, breach of fiduciary duty, fraud, emotional distress, and a major drop off in whores willing to give head for Clips tickets. Given its breadth the lawsuit should consume more money than Sterling ever spent on his team in his first twenty-five years of ownership. He’ll probably die before the case is over or become so debilitated with Alzheimer’s he settles for a bag of marbles and a Blake Griffin rookie card. But if Donald Sterling can fuck up just one NBA season with his legal entanglements, he’ll go to his happy place just a little bit happier.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

Jennifer Nicole Lee In A Bikini

By Lex July 23, 2014 @ 7:53 AM

Jennifer Nicole Lee In A Bikini For A Poolside Photo Shoot In Miami
This mommy fitness instructor takes lots of showers. I don’t care if she’s at the beach, by the pool, or wandering in the Gobi, she finds a way to go classic Cinemax on the public showers. If they had glass walls, she’d press her tits up against them while Jan-Michael Vincent was pretend shagging her from behind. I’m not sure if this is a real beach or one of those fake beaches they set up for cruise ships to pretend they have exclusive access to exotic sandy shores that are otherwise the place where Domingo takes the goats to shit during the rainy season. Either way, you probably don’t want children seeing the bare pubis matinee without a parent to put it in uncomfortable context.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI