It took a few years of trying and several hundred failed attempts, but Kristen Stewart actually looked like a girl today at the ‘Cosmopolis’ premiere in Cannes. Or at the very least a boy I’d let go down on me.
(image source = getty, wenn)
05.25.2012 Victoria Silvstedt is some kind of immortal
It’s been 15 years since Victoria Silvstedt was named Playmate of the Year, but you wouldn’t know it by looking at her in a bikini in Cannes today. It’s like she hasn’t aged a day. Do we actually know anything about her before 1997, or did she just arrive here from Asgard one day?
(image source = splash)
05.25.2012 Nicole Kidman forgot something
Nicole Kidman went to a screening of her movie ‘Paperboy’ at Cannes last night wearing a dress that also acted as a thermometer. So be grateful it’s not Khloe Kardashian wearing it, because then we’d have to see her dick. Or dicks, whatever the case may be. She has to have at least one.
(image source = wenn, bauer-griffin)
05.25.2012 Holly Henderson will make it all better
A white British girl with good plastic surgery is close to the exact opposite of Janet Jackson, so here’s reality star Holly Henderson and some of her very effective attention whoring in a London park yesterday. Girls over there really seem to go for it when getting implants. And I very much appreciate that. Like any implant the doctor can bring in without a forklift is too small.
(image source = pacific coast, fame/flynet)
I don’t know who’s been doing plastic surgery on Janet Jackson, but it sure as hell isn’t any doctor. Her nose is a completely separate shade from the rest of her. One eye opens wider than the other. Her smile is, at best, sinister. This could have been a sexy outfit but the only thing she looks like she wants to do with my dick is rip it off and beat me with it.
(image source of janet at last nights amfar cinema against aids party in cannes = wenn, splash)
05.25.2012 Britney walked off the X Factor set
On the very first day as a judge on ‘the X Factor’ yesterday, Britney Spears walked off the set after a contestant sang a predictably awful version of her song ‘Hold It Against Me’, and the next four contestants performed in front of Simon Cowell, LA Reid, Demi Lovato, and Empty Chair.
As you might remember, this is the exact same thing that happened last season too, when Paula Abdul walked off set on day one. Although that actually worked out fine since the empty chair offered more lucid commentary.
(image source = twitter.com/fotikallergis)
05.24.2012 Rose McGowans still got it
Rose McGowan is in Monaco today for the ‘Nights In Monaco’ Gala Fundraiser, which hopefully has something to do with fixing whatever the hell happened to her, because it’s terrifying. She looks like she’s made out of wood.
(image source = fame/flynet, splash)
05.24.2012 Paris Hilton has taken Cannes by storm
So, Paris Hilton went to Cannes, and she spun and twirled and posed on the sidewalk while some twink yelled her name so everyone would look at them as he pretended to be a photographer, even though it looks like he’s never actually seen a camera before and has no idea what it does, so he just kind of pushed it back and forth toward her on the off chance that maybe that would do something.
This is what you get when you have a plan hatched by fucking morons.
05.24.2012 Britney started work on ‘the X Factor’ today
Britney Spears arrived in Austin, Texas, this afternoon to judge the first round of auditions for ‘the X Factor’, and assuming that’s actually where they are, things are off to a good start. Even her toughest critic would have to admit that she can, in fact, stand in front of a banner and smile when told to.
(image source = splash)
05.24.2012 Gwen Stefani is better than other moms
For most people, these would be the best pictures they would ever take in their lives, yet for Gwen Stefani it was just Wednesday. She just looks cool and sexy all the time, even while running simple errands. I wish I could make everything look as effortless as she does. Like this Gavin Rossdale suicide note I’ve been forging, for example. It’s already been like two god damn weeks and I don’t think it’s any better now than when I started!
(image source = inf, wenn)
Nicole Kidman plays a white trash slut so well in ‘the Paperboy’ that they might as well have called it ‘the Dina Lohan Story’, especially since they’ll both be remembered for the awful thing that came out of their vaginas.
As the Huffingtom Post says…
“The Paperboy” debuted at the Cannes Film Festival on Thursday, and Lee Daniels’ “Precious” follow-up provided attendees with the chance to watch Nicole Kidman urinate on Zac Efron.
“This is a movie that often seems to be missing important transitional scenes or specific inserts,” wrote Vulture’s Kyle Buchanan, “but you had better believe that when Nicole Kidman pees on Zac Efron, that camera is there.”
The “golden shower” happens in a non-sexual context: Efron’s character gets stung by a jellyfish while in the ocean.
The good news is that having an Academy Award winner pee on Zac Efron is an excellent way to get your movie noticed. The bad news is that Kim Kardashian has labeled him a selfish lover for not reciprocating.
05.23.2012 Kelly Brook wore a see though swimsuit
Another good idea would be to take pictures of Kelly in a bikini made of cling wrap, or my semen, or to just cover my ears and babble really loudly while Kelly insists I never gave her a bikini and she’s actually naked.
(image source of kelly today in cannes = bauer griffin)
