Missouri Is Going to Burn

By Lex November 20, 2014 @ 2:35 PM

Protestors-in-Ferguson-Missouri

The forces of the state do all sorts of tyrannical fascist crap that warrants a good compact car burning or tossing earth’s last remaining metal trash can through a McDonald’s window. But sometimes they do nothing wrong. In these cases, the unsettling of the public square and the destruction of property seems particularly pointless. Ferguson Missouri is about to be torn to shreds. A grand jury finding that the police officer in question did nothing criminal seems the likely finding given the Governor of Missouri has issued a state of emergency, called to duty National Guard, and seems to be delaying the announcement until the Thanksgiving holiday so they can roll the protestor deaths in with the usual Black Friday tramplings. If they were going to string up the cop and appease the riotous masses, you would’ve heard already.

I’ve been to Ferguson. It seemed like as decent a place as any. It’s a shame it’s going to be totaled into ruins soon. I’m sure when the thieving hulk child or college bound shy scholar, depending on who you believe, was charging the police officer for his weapon, he had no idea he’s been taking his entire hometown with him. Or maybe he did. I once wished an H-bomb would drop on the town where I grew up. Though in my cosmic request I somehow survived along with the hot grade school teacher who I believed to have used black magic to make my balls drop.

Tons of bad cop shit happens to minorities that doesn’t happen to whitey. When the people in charge do nothing about that, then people in idiotic masks and hoodies will get worked up for even the misread appearance of something bad cop shit. Maybe Ferguson has to burn so that others may live. We can only hope this is the live cable news event that finally takes Geraldo into the afterlife.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Rose McGowan Without Clothes

By Lex November 20, 2014 @ 1:13 PM

Rose McGowan Poses Nude For Flaunt Magazine
I like Rose McGowan. Most people couldn’t handle a child rapey commune upbringing with such aplomb. At forty-one, she seems to know exactly who she is. A lightly working actress with spectacular tits. That’s not all she is, but I summarized. Kobe does other things besides play basketball, but nobody cares.

Photo Credit: Flaunt

Floyd Mayweather’s Son Seems Torn

By Matt November 20, 2014 @ 1:06 PM

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Floyd Mayweather’s 14 year old son Koraun Mayweather did a lengthy interview for a USA Today piece where he called his father a “coward” for beating the shit out of his mom. Koraun was in the house at the time of attack and escaped to alert security, possibly saving his mom’s life. Koraun weirdly still spends time with his father in what has got to be the most awkward game of catch ever. On the plus side, he gets to drive a Bentley golf cart around so take the good with the bad. It might seem strange the kid is still visiting Floyd until you realize Floyd has served a total of two months in jail for TKOing every woman he has ever boned, because Vegas values boxing revenue over women’s teeth or the family structure.┬áIt may have been an error in judgement to call your dad out in a national publication. He’s a few knocks to the head from going O.J. level rogue and you may have just moved up on the list.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Phoebe Price Sands of Time Dropping

By Lex November 20, 2014 @ 12:27 PM

Phoebe Price Spills Out Of Her Tiny AcDc Shirt While Walking Her Dog In LA
You’d need a spectrometer of decent sized state college laboratory strength to carbon date Phoebe Price. By quick estimation, I’m going to say ten years past bending over in low cut top age. Maybe five depending upon how long onlookers have been out to sea without any female companionship. I respect her right to show the kids where the human milk she sells to pay the rent comes from. We just need some kind of five second rule applied after they actually touch the ground.

Photo Credit: Splash

Kim Is No Angelina And Shit Around The Web

By Jack November 20, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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Unctuous ass model Kim Kardashian tried to be like Angelina Jolie and adopt a poor kid from Thailand but after a few minutes of personal reflection, the kid chose third world shithole and malnourishment over a life with Kim. From the mouths of babes.

Read all about Kim’s motherhood rejection. (The Superficial)

Motherfucking Jose Canseco was lying about his finger falling off. (TMZ)

Luci Ford wears a see-through bra and it’s marvelous. (Drunken Stepfather)

Cameron Russell wears lingerie like a fucking champ. (Hollywood Tuna)

Shailene Woodley is a shitty actress but she’s got nice legs. (Popoholic)

ABC fears Jennifer Lopez and Iggy Azalea’s asses. (Dlisted)

I’d let tennis champ Taylor Lederman play with my balls any day. (Busted Coverage)

Michea Crawford Wears Lingerie

By Lex November 20, 2014 @ 11:38 AM

Michea Crawford Wears Lingerie In A Bowling Alley
The only thing finer than a good looking model in a bowling alley is a good looking model not in a bowling alley. There’s nothing the least bit sensual or in any manner hygienic about a bowling alley. Even the porn people have yet to figure out how to work the backdrop into a title not involving forced fisting. It’s the ashtray of human gaming environments. I like to bowl, but I understand I partake in such recreation in a bacterial environment akin to licking the underside of a urinal trough at a 1970′s built multipurpose stadium. You can hear the seat herpes mocking you. I want to bowl and then have my no sex elsewhere. Heed my words lingerie marketing managers. Get this chick out of the alley before the demon rash ensues.

Photo Credit: Bestform

Kendra Wilkinson Eats Antelope Penis

By Lex November 20, 2014 @ 10:27 AM

Kendra Wilkinson Eats Antelope Penis On Im A Celebrity Screencaps
When you’ve previously made your bones by allowing an eighty year old man to shart pebbles into your gaping maw, your own Jiminy Cricket barometer might be a bit wonky. Eating antelope penis on a reality show ought to send off some alarms. It’s easy to write off the Kardashians doing all sorts of insidious shit for tens of millions of dollars. Kendra Wilkinson is chomping on bushback cock like a sideshow geek for a few clams. If she’s trying to bring herself closer to understanding her husband’s own predilections, she’s going about it all wrong. Antelope cock tastes nothing like tranny cock, though both do have a similar gamey aftertaste. I’m told.

Photo Credit: ITV Press Centre

At This Point, Just Raise Your Hand If Bill Cosby Didn’t Rape You

By Lex November 20, 2014 @ 9:35 AM

Carla-and-Lou-Ferrigno

The rape dam just burst on Bill Cosby. You could either see this as a conspiracy of women of all ages who don’t know each other coming out with completely similar stories about being drugged and raped by Cosby, or, you know, America’s favorite sitcom dad drugging and raping shit tons of women. I like to think it’s a combo of both allowing me to despise Cosby and to sensitively scold people who wait forty years to warn others of a predator in their midst.

Two more names dropped today. A woman from Florida who Cosby ‘mentored’ as a teen and even paid to attend nursing school who claims she was drugged and raped living as his guest at the Vegas Hilton in the 70′s. And Lou Ferrigno’s young wife 47 years ago on a double date when The Cos tried to drug and CosRape her. Pretty fucking ballsy to try and roofie The Hulk’s lady. Cosby is a man with deep needs.

Occasional actress Stacey Dash become the first and only defender of Cosby with a completely pointless anecdotal account of his chivalrous behavior:

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It takes courage for a woman to stand up and defend an alleged serial rapist she barely knows. Though more stupidity than courage. When Cosby comes for you in the night with his thermos full of red eyes, you’ll want to amend this Tweet.

Photo credit: Getty Images