As was mentioned earlier, Jennifer Lopez has gone from the verge of obscurity to number 1 on the Forbes 100 in just 2 years, and she owes it all to ‘American Idol’ for making her relevant again.
So naturally, despite the fact that the show desperately wants her back for a third season, they can go fuck themselves and she’s just gonna bail. At least according to Marc Malkin of E!:
While J.Lo has publicly said she has yet to make a decision about her future on Idol, sources exclusively tell me that she she’s planning on calling it quits.
“She’s just too busy,” one source said.
I’m told Lopez will be on the road, at the very least, through the end of the year.
The next round of Idol auditions will begin while she’s overseas.
Obviously there’s a very real chance she put this out there herself to force Fox into giving her a raise. To which I feel a very justified response would be for Fox to beat her with bars of soap in a pillowcase.
What started out as an erotic afternoon of ass rubbing between Sacha Baron Cohen and Elisabetta Canalis ended in tragedy today after Cohen showed his penis to Canalis. The Italian supermodel began to laugh and seemed to think it was small, despite his reassurances that his penis is actually quite enormous.
Tensions escalated when she attempted to take a picture of his penis, causing a fight to break out, which led to him dragging her down below, sealing her corpse in a body bag and throwing it overboard. Hopefully he remembered to weigh the bag down first. Not to get cathartic here but disposing of a dead model takes more steps than you might think.
(image source = fame/flynet, getty)
Justin Bieber reveals himself as a wigger douche more and more with each passing day, and all we have to do now is sit back and marvel at it. For example in his new profile in GQ (via Huff Post), who was with him when a new Mercedes recently tricked out by West Coast Customs arrived.
Gathering around his new toy, Bieber seems “euphoric” and so excited that he pledges his loyalty to West Coast Customs and dismisses its rival, Platinum Motorsport. “Fuck Platinum,” he said. “Platinum can suck a dick, man. West Coast all day.”
Later he adds…
“I’m a swaggy adult,” he says, most convincingly.
I make a lot of mistakes too but that’s clearly not how you spell “faggy”.
Forbes announced the 2012 Celebrity 100 today, their annual ranking of the top 100 famous people. As in actors, producers, musicians, athletes, and whatever the hell Oprah Winfrey is, in a ranking that considers not just income but also overall media visibility. Here’s the top 5 and what they made last year:
1. Jennifer Lopez - $52 million
2. Oprah Winfrey - $165 million
3. Justin Bieber - $55 million
4. Rihanna - $53 million
5. Lady Gaga - $52 million
And to think, just 2 years ago we were almost rid of Lopez, a mean selfish bitch who was right on the verge of disappearing until ‘American Idol’ saved her. For no apparent reason. Even the guy who brought velociraptors back at least had a fucking reason!
(image source = the april issue of vogue)
Sacha Baron Cohen was in Cannes today to promote ‘The Dictator’, and doing it in character like he always does, when he fell off a camel. He was 40 years old, and is survived by his wife, Isla Fisher, and their daughters Olive, 5, and Elula, 2.
No not really. He’s fine. In fact he was able to catch himself before he actually fell. The headline was sort of a lie. This would be a good post to show your kids to teach them about trusting strangers, part of the ‘Tyler Cares’ series where I give back to the community.
(image source = wenn)
When all is said and done, ‘The Avengers’ will probably settle in as the third highest grossing movie of all time (after just 19 days it’s already number 11 with almost $1.1 billion), above the $1.32 billion the final ‘Harry Potter’ made, but well below the $2.78 billion for ‘Avatar’ and the $2.18 billion for ‘Titanic’. So it would seem the deal made for Robert Downey Jr. that pays him box-office bonuses and a percentage of the gross will work out nicely. Hooray for foresight!
The Hollywood Reporter says:
When Iron Man grossed a surprising $585 million worldwide in 2008, Downey’s reps at CAA and the Hansen Jacobson law firm renegotiated a deal to include what multiple sources say is a slice of Marvel’s revenue from future movies in which he plays Iron Man (one source puts it in the 5 percent to 7 percent range; another source disputes the percentage.).
Which means Downey will make more than every other Avenger, even if you combined all their pay and then doubled it.
As Marvel launched other hero pics that would lead up to Avengers, the studio struck hard bargains. Two sources say Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evans, Jeremy Renner and Mark Ruffalo all signed on for small upfront fees and ultimately will make about $2 million to $3 million on Avengers with bonuses. Samuel L. Jackson and Scarlett Johansson, who signed deals to pop up in several Marvel movies, are said to be making about twice that for Avengers with bonuses.
His agents should really be commended for such a shrewd move. And here I was thinking I was clever for selling drugs outside a methadone clinic.
Khloe Kardashian is desperately hoping that her husband Lamar Odom will make the US team for the Summer Olympics in London, both for the sake of his career and the future of their relationship. And this may surprise, nay, stun you, but Khloe Kardashian is living in a delusional fantasy world.
“Khloé is telling friends that Lamar must make the Olympic team — for the sake of his career and their future together,” a source tells Radar. “He has been training non-stop to get in the best shape possible and will do anything to make the cut.
Khloé is also training with Lamar to give him confidence and she is really being as supportive as she can.”
Because of injuries to other (better) players, Lamar has been added to the list of Olympic finalists, but there’s already a place where the coaches can watch the best players in action. It’s called Fucking Everywhere. But they won’t see Lamar because he averaged 6 points a game this season and then got cut.
11 of the names on that list are almost certain locks(*), and if Bosh can recover from a strained abdominal muscle than that’s 12. Inviting Lamar Odom invites the Kardashians which invites pandaemonium and distraction. They’d be better off giving the 12th spot to a white supremacist.
(*) LeBron, Kobe, Carmelo, Griffin, Chandler, Durant, Love, Paul, Wade, Williams, Westbrook.
Though it’s down now, up until today the bio for Kim Kardashian on IMDb was exactly what every bio on her should be; scathing. But here it is in all it’s former glory because uproxx thankfully saw it before her attorneys did.
Here’s how it began:
Kim Kardashian is emblematic of the shallowness of American culture in the first two decades of the new millennium (whose fame) comes from the release of a sex tape and the canny exploitation of the resulting publicity.
…Kardashian is possessed of photogenic good looks but is short of any other discernible talents outside of the bedroom.
To be fair, it’s actually not just the bedroom. In fact you could say that the number of places where she can show off her tits and blow guys is only limited by her imagination.
(image source for more pictures during kim’s italian vogue shoot = bauer griffin)
NBC was so confident about adding Howard Stern as a judge on ‘Americas Got Talent’ that they moved the premiere of season 7 up from the first week of June to the middle of May, right when other shows are airing their season finales.
And just like every other idea NBC has had for the past 5 years, it failed miserably, and last nights premiere drew just 10.3 million viewers, a drop of over 5 million viewers compared to last seasons premiere. Which probably has nothing to do with Howard Stern, notes The Wrap:
“Talent” posted a 3.6 in the demo — down 16 percent from last season’s premiere on May 31 — and 10.3 million total viewers. Last year’s season premiere, however, was boosted by ‘The Voice’ and faced repeats on CBS.
(This seasons) premiere matched the 2010 premiere, as well as last season’s finale.
So there’s no need for NBC to panic. Unless that panic leads them to firing Nick Cannon, who actually opened the show by saying it was “time to get this party started.” It’s like he was made in a lab by white people who had never met a black person and based him solely on black people they saw in Pepsi commercials.
Kristen Stewart, Charlize Theron, and Chris Hemsworth all walked the red carpet in London last night for the premiere of ‘Snow White and the Huntsman’, and in the middle of all that, for reasons that only made sense in her pot addled mind, Stewart knelt down and flipped off Theron and Thor.
How this monotone 6 continues to get a free pass while Megan Fox gets attacked is one of the most baffling things I’ve ever seen. She always looks like she doesn’t think she’s in this scene, even while the other characters are all staring at her.
(image source = wenn, splash, getty)
Model and attention whore Micaela Schaefer went to the German premiere of ‘Men in Black 3’ in Berlin last night wearing little more than a belt and video tape. Which covered like a belt and video tape. But everyone seemed to love it, even German Santa. No German Santa, look away, the children might get the wrong idea!
(image source = wenn, getty, splash)
The LA Times says today that Sony has already spent close to $375 million to produce, market, and distribute ‘Men in Black 3′ (meaning it could end up being the most expensive movie ever made), and essentially has no chance of making any of that back. Especially since it will almost certainly suck because they began shooting before they even finished the script.
As Huff Post (via Vulture) reminds us, here’s how director Barry Sonnenfeld explained it…
“What happened is that we wanted this to be Will Smith’s next movie, and he was sniffing around at other movies at the time … So we had a script, with a really good first act and a fantastic ending, but there were scenes in the middle that needed work.”
“Oh, so just a few scenes in the middle, that’s no big deal,” said a straw man I made up just now to make a point. Because no, that’s not how it works. Movies (generally) have three parts. Act 1 establishes the characters and sets up the conflict. It’s the first 10 minutes or so. Act 3 is when the hero blows up the Death Star or wins the race or fucks the girl or whatever. It’s usually the last 5 minutes.
So what ‘Men in Black 3′ didn’t have was that hour and half in between Act 1 and Act 3 that is supposed to show a logical progression of events where Will Smith figures out how to save Tommy Lee Jones. Instead of that we’ll be treated to Smith shouting things that really don’t need to be shouted and him telling us how handsome he is.
