By Lex April 15, 2014 @ 3:54 PM
When you’ve awkwardly shaved your head and you’re wearing no makeup for cancer and you’ve got to run a full marathon for charity in front of a ton of cameras, hell, I’d show off my vagina too if I had one. I’d wear it as the family crest on my banner, proud deep sweaty lips to let the public know, hey, look down here, buddy. I’m not just a face that you remember looking so much better on TV. British people are super smart. If we all acted more British, there’d be less obvious swearing.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News
By Lex April 15, 2014 @ 3:35 PM
I really like this Italian girl from New York. I admire her sense of fashion. Who knew Florida State defensive back wear from the 80′s would make a return. Emily reminds me of a girl I used to date though my girl was a stone or three larger and had a beard problem that no laser technology at the time could properly mitigate. I had to break it off after a series of night terrors that I was being blown by Harry Knowles. Love is fickle like that.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex April 15, 2014 @ 3:25 PM
With age comes wisdom. Though depending on your IQ starting point, you easily could just be an older stupid person. Pamela Anderson has a few regrets looking back on her long career of showing off her tits. Amazingly, she didn’t mention the drugs or drinking or disease or sex tape or failed marriages or drowned kid in her pool. She didn’t even have the wherewithal to note her crappy new haircut. Her big regret is posing nude in Playboy. Which confirms for me what I’ve always believed — women who say they’re biggest regret is posing in Playboy have so many fucked up issues worse than ever posing in Playboy they should get a kick in the kidney with a boot for even saying it aloud. Pamela says that her Playboy photos caused her two boys to be pestered and bullied in school growing up. I’m guessing you do get some ribbing when your chums have all masturbated to your moms nude photos. Though probably not as much as when you’re mom shows up snockered to school functions with her tits falling out of her top and Tommy Lee’s feelgood caking on her face. It’s odd how people choose their biggest regret. My mom once told me she regretted not being pro-choice when younger. I like to think she had remorse for being so old-fashioned in her political views, but I know that’s not what she meant.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Travis April 15, 2014 @ 12:00 PM
While the big news of Coachella was the reunion of Outkast and one of the biggest surprises was Beyonce joining her sister, Solange Knowles, on stage during her set, nothing at that stupid, overrated music festival made me happier than seeing Justin Bieber join Chance the Rapper on stage. They’ve apparently collaborated on a song in the past and that makes them best friends or something, but I don’t give a shit about their history or songs. What I care about is looking at these photos and video of Justin thinking that he’s a hard ass gangster mother fucker with his bandanas and tattoos, while knowing that he’s closer than ever to getting the shit kicked out of him when he says the wrong things to the wrong people or wears the wrong things in the wrong city. One way or another, things are going to end terribly for this dipshit, and we just all need to sit back and wait for it to happen with giant fucking smiles on our faces.
Photo Credits: Getty
By Travis April 15, 2014 @ 11:00 AM
Doubling back on my theory that Coachella is nothing but self-entitled wannabe hipster celebrities pretending like they have their fingers on the pulse of today’s music industry, and the regular people who want to hang from their balls, here’s a video of Leonardo DiCaprio dancing like a dickhead during MGMT’s set this past weekend. You can make fun of Leo all you want, and you should because he looks like a total douchebag, but there’s always a rule when it comes to him. Say what you want, but you still have to acknowledge the fact that he not only had sex with at least 10 guys’ girlfriends at Coachella, but probably also your girlfriend while you read this. And if this guy’s dick doesn’t fall off by the time he turns 40, I’ll simply be shocked.
By Travis April 15, 2014 @ 10:00 AM
You could pick me up by my ankles and dangle me over the balcony of a very tall building while demanding that I tell you the names of three of the women who appeared on MTV’s Teen Mom, and there’s a really strong chance that I’d be flattened on the sidewalk in a matter of 20 seconds. Beyond Farrah Abraham, I couldn’t name any others, and I already feel like a filthy bag of shit for knowing that, but hey, she’s the one who decided to make porn and I was required by law to watch it. Jenelle Evans is one of the other Teen Mom girls, but I only remember that now because she’s the one who has all of the different mugshots. She’s also now apparently the one who likes to give fetishists hard ons, too, because she’s posting photos of her pregnant self on Twitter, and it’s certainly not to prove to the world how much she glows. Meanwhile, almost a million people follow this girl. Great fucking work, MTV.
By Travis April 15, 2014 @ 9:00 AM
One of the fun things about being a person who doesn’t spend every waking moment on Twitter is that if someone important tweets something incredibly fucking stupid, which is usually at least once a day, and they delete it almost immediately, there’s still a chance that someone caught it and copied it. Yesterday, someone at US Airways proved this in a whole new way, when the airline tweeted an incredibly raunchy photo of a woman with a model airplane sticking out of her pussy not once, but twice in response to customers complaining about shitty flights and service. A lot of people were really offended and upset by the tweet in question, and US Airways issued an almost immediate apology, but I not only found a new preferred airline yesterday… I found a new love.
Photo Credit: US Airways
By Lex April 14, 2014 @ 6:03 PM
I’m no sexist. I’d vote for the woman who tagged Hillary with a shoe. I love my mother. And I think good looking women deserve higher pay than men for doing the exact same job, especially doing those jobs in tight tank tops. There’s just something about girls in swimsuits and heels that takes me back to beauty pageants toe-to-heel stepping girls whose entire self-worth is built on the Vaseline they’ve rubbed on their teeth to keep their licks from sticking. That’s honest living. With fuckable heels.
Photo Credit: Lenceria le Bon