The Disturbing Allen Family Gaining Traction

Because we no longer live in a world where freaky people are caged and forced to perform geek shows for drunk fat guys who wandered into the unmarked tent at the County Fair, families like The Allens preaching all natural child rearing in England are given serious attention. As with all things British, this story begins with an unpleasant looking chick with shitty teeth saying nonsensical things with complete...

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Randy Quaid We Missed You So Much (VIDEO)

It should come as no surprise that Randy Quaid is an avid Bernie supporter nor that he is apparently unaware Bernie dropped out of the race. Complicating matters his wife Evi appears to be a Trump fanatic. Such details only back up the common assumption that these two have the weirdest sex in North America which can be verified with a few quick Youtube clicks:

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Michael Vick's Bro Has Herpes Too (VIDEO)

Michael Vick's brother Marcus is having a rough week. First he got into a Twittter war with the universe after claiming that LeSean McCoy of the Buffalo Bills gave his baby mama herpes.

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Lindsay Lohan Balcony Drunken Serenade (VIDEO)

After Lindsay Lohan deleted all her hooker bitch Russian whore cheating motherfucker posts from social media, she tipped back a couple or three more gimlets and waited for her boyfriend to arrive back at the flat. The Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf second act moved out on the balcony of a high-end London apartment. A voice resembling a chain smoking AARP member on hour ten at the stud table at Binions, so clearly...

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Selena Gomez Goes Deep (VIDEO)

Selena Gomez has something on her mind. It's been stewing while she put words to her thoughts. It's like watching Russians try to karaoke Blinded by the Light. Gomez welled up with tears in Jakarta as she spoke to kindness and the human condition on stage. Her fans screamed because hearing her speak so guilelessly enhanced the youthful quality so many love to tug to in the evenings after prayers. After the concert,...

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Aldon Smith Lacks That Certain Je Ne Sais Quoi (VIDEO)

In the future that started ten years ago, people will be judged entirely by dumb shit they film themselves doing. Social media is one large stupidity test. Case in point, Aldon Smith. The talented NFL linebacker is set to come off a one year suspension for DUI, subsequent to arrests for holding a knife at a stabbing party, hit and run, and making casual bomb threats at LAX while wasted.

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Britney Spears Ass View (VIDEO)

The only thing creepier than having a dude sneak up on a woman at a gym and film her ass crack is for that same woman to order her intern to do the same. The Jason Voorhees eye view is quite becoming a lady.

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Kim Kardashian Still Fucking With Taylor Swift (VIDEO)

Nobody fucks with Taylor Swift. Kim Kardashian fucks with everybody. This is the battle earth has been waiting for since Xenu launched his first volcano burial business.

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Lisa Bonet Comes Out of Sex Scene Retirement (The Mr. Skin Minute Video)

Who knows shit like Lisa Bonet hasn't been naked on camera in twenty-two years? Mr. Skin does. He knows that cold like you know Bulgarian Olympic weight lifting records. Everybody's got their thing. His is cooler than yours. Bonet's taking it from behind on Ray Donovan on Showtime. The show does pretty well for itself. If you renamed it to Lisa Bonet Takes It From Behind, it would do even better.

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Can Katy Perry's Shitty New Song Save the Shitty Summer Olympics? (VIDEO)

NBC has tapped Katy Perry's new familiar sounding single, Rise, as the official anthem of the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio. That means Universal footed the bill for the studio time to translate inspiring Amazing Race riffs into a pop song about overcoming obstacles, like masked gunmen or Zika you'd have to think. Metaphors are for cowards.

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Dani Mathers Sauna Shame and Victoria Beckham Child Abuse Nobody Cares About on The Last Men on Earth Podcast (#52)

On this week's Last Men on Earth podcast we discuss Amy Schumer suddenly remembering she's in the I've-been-raped club, Victoria Beckham shamelessly posting make-out session photos with her little daughter, Dani Mathers mean girls redux in the ladies locker room, why you must love Ghostbusters blindly to support women, and the validity of Jennifer Aniston's poor little rich girl rant. But, there, I guess I kind of gave...

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Amber Rose Has a TV Show (VIDEO)

In the future, everybody will have fifteen episodes on basic channel. Amber Rose's notable accomplishments include fucking Kanye West and Wiz Khalifa. More than some, less than others.

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Taylor Swift Stone Cold Busted (VIDEO)

Taylor Swift has vociferously maintained that she had no advanced knowledge that Kanye would malign and objectify her sexually her in his idiotic song, Famous. Swift insists she was shocked and pissed on behalf of herself and all woman-kind when she heard these misogynistic lyrics in Famous:

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Mo'Nique Thinks Like a Man (VIDEO)

Fat actress Mo'Nique went on the show The Preachers with her husband to talk about how they openly fuck other people. You weren't expecting that when you tuned into The Preachers. Though yes for every single other TV show on during business hours. Already divorced and making good money and wanting more babies, Mo'Nique went and married her high school buddy Sydney Hicks. Contrary to popular myth, it was Mo'Nique who...

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Joe Perry Don't Look So Good (VIDEO)

Because the world needs more AARP members in rock and roll cover bands, Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry, Alice Cooper, and Johnny Depp sans lesbian wife formed The Hollywood Vampires to go on national tour in search of decent cocaine. Joe Perry made it one song into the set during the Coney Island appearance before tapping out and losing consciousness off-stage. Heart attacks are rock and roll at twenty-seven. At...

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