Kate Moss Is Still Alive

By Lex April 02, 2014 @ 3:09 PM

Kate Moss In A Green Bikini On A Balcony In Rio de Janeiro
Kate Moss seems to be on an important phone call. It could be with the devil reminding her that she didn’t make millions off being a flabby bodied okay looking woman without his help. Or it could be her daughter phoning to remind Kate that she left her at a bar in Havana three nights earlier and now she’s legitimately frightened. Kate is currently on her 35th cover of Vogue magazine, which leaves Kim Kardashian just 34 covers short of tying her mark. In fact, Kate was named a contributing editor to Vogue last fall and will be submitting tips to the fashion bible readers on such things as how to slenderize using Camel unfiltered, tips for girls considering losing their virginity by the fourth grade, and fabulous dresses for under $5,000. I’m not sure if Vogue was ever any good, but I’m going to go ahead and declare that it’s gone to hell.

Photo Credit: Splash

Kate Moss In A Bikini On A Yacht In St Barts

By Lex March 18, 2014 @ 4:42 PM

Kate Moss In A Bikini On A Yacht In St Barts
It’s been a long day. I just want to kick back and check out a coked out just okay looking supermodel drinking wine on a yacht in St. Bart’s. Kate Moss is perfect for that. I think she’s got a husband now and maybe a kid. She never brings them on her fun trips. Family is a fucking bore and just gets in the way. Those wine glasses look expensive. I wonder if they have knock offs at Crate & Barrel. I really need to fix my massage chair. Fuck you, Sharper Image and airline magazines where everything looks awesome. Ah, that’s better.

Photo Credit: Splash

Kate Moss Is a Fun Mom

By Lex February 28, 2014 @ 1:27 PM

Kate Moss Topless In A Photo Shoot By Terry Richardson For Lui Magazine
Kate Moss is a real woman with real woman feelings. She’s not some stoned Barbie doll existing merely for you to mock and ridicule. She’s a wife and a working mom and a contributing member of her society. Sometimes I wish people would look past the gossip and the snark and the hearsay and get to know the real Kate Moss. Personally, I’d start with her boobs. I heard she likes them peed on.

Photo Credit: Lui Magazine

Kate Moss Turns 40

By Lex January 16, 2014 @ 4:46 PM

Kate Moss Painted Gold For The 2013 Autumn Winter Issue Of Pop Magazine
There’s no real story here, just a mention that those of us who rightly had Kate in our ghoul pool officially get less points now if she teeters off into wherever supermodels go when they die. If you happen to be a young person yourself reading this and you’re wondering if booze and sex and drugs and starvation are really going to kill you like your parents and teachers say, Kate Moss is 40 today. Just saying. I’d go for it.

Kate Moss Attended The Playboy Anniversary Party With An Old Pumpkin

By Travis December 04, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Kate Moss celebrated her 40th birthday by agreeing to appear in Playboy, and while nobody really cared all that much, she was still one of the guests of honor at Playboy’s 60th anniversary party at the Playboy Club in London on Monday night. Another guest of honor was Sir Tom Jones, who apparently almost drowned after falling into a giant tank of concentrated bronzing oil. Either that or he discovered that he had narcolepsy only after he laid down for a quick bake in a tanning bed. Or maybe at the absolute worst he has a horrifying case of cirrhosis that is slowly turning him into a shriveled orange mess. Whichever the reason for his hideous orange complexion, let’s hope that he at least got a little middle-aged model ass for his troubles.

Photo Credits: Getty, FilmMagic

Playboy Pretends Kate Moss Is a Big Get

By Lex November 14, 2013 @ 4:18 AM

Kate Moss Poses In Playboy Bunny Outfit To Promote Her Upcoming Feature In Playboy

“This creates a heat for the brand globally. It started with Marilyn Monroe on the cover of Playboy 60 years ago, an icon for her time. Now we’ve got Kate Moss!” – Jimmy Jellinek, Playboy Editorial Director

Really, Jimmy? I hope to God that your press release writer added that exclamation point without your knowledge. Wasn’t it just two Christmases ago that Photoshopped images of a horse tranquilized Lindsay Lohan was your Marilyn Monroe? The entire world is not holding their breath to see Kate Moss over-produced nudes. She’s been naked a hundred times before, thousands of shot glasses and bumps of coke ago. She’s not even a Playboy type model. She’s a 40-year old fashion model you’re going to have to airbrush until you’re out of air.

“You’re talking about the face of Burberry, the biggest supermodel in the world on the cover of Playboy. She’s the perfect partner for us to help launch the next 60 years.”

Not Burberry, the upscale British clothing and accessories house. Fuck, Playboy, are you even listening to yourself? Kate Moss in 2013 is like your sommelier pissing in your wine glass and telling you it pairs perfectly with the fish. It’s probably time to pack up the magazine business. You don’t even need to tell the old man. Just crank up the twilight slumber gas in his stasis chamber and tell him Barbie Benton’s here to give him a handy. Let him go out feeing like a champ.

See Kate Moss Actually Topless