By Lex February 14, 2014 @ 7:01 PM
There’s no reason for this particular holiday. I understand that somebody gets assassinated or helps found a country or lays their life down in battle or organizes strawberry pickers so they get twenty cents an hour rather than just twelve, they get a big holiday. But love doesn’t deserve a holiday because love is contrived bullshit. Here’s a fact, even your dog doesn’t love you. You think he does, but try not feeding him for a week. He’ll eat your dick off as you sleep. So, he loves you when you feed him. And when you don’t, he bites your dick off. People are pretty much the same. “I love you” is an expression of hope that you will give me some shit I need. It’s survival instinct, like coughing or not joining John Travolta in the showers after racquet ball. There’s nothing wrong with doing what you need to get what you need, it just doesn’t deserve a holiday.
Kelly Brook’s been in love with an awful lot of different men. Does she get take-backs on her misplaced affections? She does not. And she has huge honkers. What do you think your chances are? I think you see what I’m saying. Fuck you, Cupid.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, FameFlynet
By Lex February 05, 2014 @ 3:22 PM
I guess Kelly Brook didn’t get the memo from Miley Cyrus about how it was sexier for girls to look like puckish boys with gum disease. She’s still going with that big tits and curves and flowing hair cliche. It’s a bold choice for Kelly Brook to break from the Miley School of Maxim Hotness. Just for starters, she probably can’t borrow swimsuits from her little brother. Dating actors trying to pass as straight is probably out of the question. And good luck trying to find disgruntled midgets to come dance with you. Those little people can be hella bitchy to women with curves. Kelly Brook, you are taking some big risks.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, INFphoto.com
By Travis February 04, 2014 @ 10:00 AM
Once again proving to the world how brave she is for having moved on in life and love after that one guy cheated on her, Kelly Brook is vacationing in Miami with her new boyfriend and model David McIntosh, and they wanted the whole world to see how happy they are together. At least I’m guessing that’s why they had people taking photos of them, because while Kelly has made quite the career for herself as a model, she’s practically a nobody on Miami’s beaches. You could play a game of “Where’s Kelly Brook?” and it would last one second, as you’d point and yell, “There she is, surrounded by all of the smoking hot Cuban women.”
Photo Credits: KEYPIXX/WENN.com
By Lex January 23, 2014 @ 2:53 PM
Why the fuck not? That’s what both me and Kelly Brook have to say about the dress she wore to the British Television Awards where they honor all the amazing shows on British Television like Dr. Who and maybe something else. Why not show off your legs and tits when you know the cameras are going to be out? You’re famous for your legs and tits. If you were Dame Judy Dench, you could maybe do a little Shakespeare on the red carpet. If you’re somebody from the BBC, you could rape a boy child. But you’re Kelly Brook. You’re legs and tits. Go with the dress from the House of Wanks collection. What are people going to say? Did you see that Kelly Brook spectacle last eve? There’s no way I’m going to hire her to be my next legs and tits model. You’re all good, Kelly.
Photo Credit: Getty, WENN
By Travis January 06, 2014 @ 12:00 PM
Now that she has finally completed the post-breakup phase of putting on a brave face and pretending to awkwardly smile for cameras so people will feel terrible about some douchebag athlete cheating on her, Kelly Brook is back in the relationship game with her rumored new boyfriend and fellow model, David McIntosh. Kelly and David were spotted leaving her place in London together, which obviously means that not only are they dating, but they just had nasty sex moments before these pictures were taken. That’s not speculation, as much as it’s law of the internet. So what’s next for Kelly now that she has moved on from whatshisface? Probably another lingerie line and a calendar. She’s pretty easy to predict.
Photo Credits: WENN.com
By Lex December 03, 2013 @ 2:24 AM
I need to ask this new Pope what he thinks about tits and Christmas. Pope Francis is like the anti-Pope, trying so hard to be the cool dad. If he wasn’t celibate, he’d probably let his kids throw parties in the Vatican and wheel in a keg of Peroni. I wonder what the Bishop of Rome thinks about the sexualization of Christmas.
Photo Credit: Love Magazine