Kelly Brook is a world class glamour model. I’m not sure what that means, other than she gets paid a good amount of dough to keep eating just enough to be busty and curvy, but not so much she can’t shimmy into skintight cleavage revealing outfits without looking like a low-rent latex mistress on Craigslist. It’s a balancing act. Kelly seems to have good balance.
Photo Credit: FHM Turkey
Poor Kelly Brook. On Saturday, the curvy swimsuit model was bummed about not spending Easter with her boyfriend and English rugby star Danny Cipriani, so she posted the above image to her Instagram account. While I have no reason to believe that Brook and Cipriani have made a sex tape, I’m going to assume that they have, because they’ve clearly perfected the “Hey, this camera is on, let’s have sex in front of it” look.
Obviously, the next step will be that Brook and Cipriani deny that any kind of sex tape exists, and then they’ll admit that it does exist and they made it as a private expression of love between two people. After that, they’ll claim that someone stole one of their laptops and someone at Vivid or YouPorn will claim that a private party is trying to sell the tape. Brook will act like she’s furious and threaten to sue, even though it can’t be released unless she and Cipriani sign off on it, but then the video will be “leaked” and she’ll sign a 7-figure deal for her own reality show.
Granted, this is all hypothetical, but I’m a natural optimist.
Kelly Brook and Katie Price (AKA Jordan) are both English models who are only recognized because they have giant tits. However, while Brook’s breasts are natural, Price’s have come as the result of ridiculous plastic surgery. Regardless, they’re both famous and wealthy, and naturally that means that they hate each other.
Price fired shots earlier this month in her column in The Sun, as she called Brook a “heifer”. Brook countered this week by making fun of Price’s plastic surgery, and this is all stupid because they should just have sex.
Photo credit: Splash
Girls who wear short dresses simply get more attention from guys than girls who do not. If fashion designers weren’t almost entirely chicks and gay dudes, there’d be no need to discuss what hem line length was in from season to season, because every season would be ‘as short as fucking possible’.
You can’t hide shit in a short dress, a girl can’t even hide her crotch when she’s climbing in and out of cars, especially if she has some meat in the ass that rides that sucker up. It’s a brave choice. It often goes horribly wrong. On Kelly Brook, it’s all good.
Photo credit: WENN/Bauer-Griffin/PCN
That headline? Complete horseshit, but who cares?
Well, it’s Tuesday now and we’re still on the hunt for Brendon (the dudes from Seal Team Six rank the search for Brendon as ‘much fucking harder’ than finding Bin Laden.). Personally, I don’t have a clue. All the voices screaming up from my basement are female, so it’s not me. The important thing is tits have returned and will probably be appearing with some frequency soon. I’d keep going, but there’s 29 reasons below me to shut the hell up.
(Image Source – INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News)
Remember back in May, when Kelly Brook was in a bikini at Cannes for about 72 hours straight? Well 5 of those pictures are finally being published in Galore! magazine. None of them are as good as the hundreds of pictures that were online almost immediately, but at least some are in black in white, just the like the television sets of people who still read magazines.
