By Lex November 25, 2015 @ 8:04 AM
You either get the arm pit rolls or the underwear flash. Both is just spoiled. I’m sorry you moved to Hollywood on a phone call and a promise from Ellen. You’re not the first woman. You won’t be the last. Let your big breasts and remarkably good British teeth provide you hope. Update your dating profile. Hiking is just another word for too fat to jog.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Lex November 12, 2015 @ 10:19 AM
Even women with big racks have to pay rent. It’s the great equalizer. Not every Ellen lesbian lifestyle normalization sitcom sticks. That’s how you find yourself in a low cut tight dress at a Chinese food restaurant opening. That or that cheap bastard Tiger Woods offered to feed you after sex. Smile for the cameras. You’re two chunks of General Tso’s away from busting out of that dress.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex May 29, 2015 @ 9:10 AM
Somehow the Ellen produced sit-com about happy go lucky lesbian cliches got canceled. No matter. She didn’t need the money and the bodies of those who let her down are now buried in her backyard as a reminder to Portia not to run. This left Kelly Brook jobless after just a few episodes and months of grueling workouts to lose the last twenty for television. She turned lemons into lemonade by fucking the personal trainer who helped her drop the weight. Fitness trainers get all the tail of professional athletes without ever having to show proof of elite talent. Also, the girls know better than to keep a trainer anchor baby. It’s a genius racket.
Photo Credit: Atkins
By Lex May 04, 2015 @ 10:30 AM
I like this English chick. She got stuck in Ellen’s uninspired lesbian sitcom but she’s going to turn that into something big, like a real estate mogul husband or a fat lawsuit against Ellen for being her boss and asking her how many of her toes she guesstimates would fit up her twat after three glasses of wine. Hollywood rewards buxom women who keep their mouths shut and smile. I can help with the lotion on that bum.
Photo Credit: Instagram/FameFlynet
By Lex April 21, 2015 @ 12:14 PM
It’s easy to ride magazines for Photoshopping the shit out of images until they all look cartoonish. It’s more difficult to admit the touchups make masturbating that much easier. Kelly Brook now has lean muscle mass and tits that shine like the Lombardi trophy polished up for the big day. I’ve seen Kelly Brook in real life. She’s a thing, but you add in a few passes from the thromdibulator and she becomes the photo you’ll see when the Oxford English Dictionary finally adds cumsplosion. Don’t assume everything phony is bad. Because it’s the exact opposite.
Photo Credit: Fabulous Magazine
By Lex March 23, 2015 @ 9:05 AM
Ellen’s produced sitcom about a super hot blond lesbian chick making a baby with her supportive straight guy friend isn’t doing well with critics outside of those in Hollywood who fear for their working lives. You talk shit about Ellen in the Thirty Mile Zone, you might as well take your own life in the tub like the defeated Roman generals. The show will continue on given nobody has the balls to face Ellen across her mighty oak desk and explain that the funnier lesbian jokes are about lesbians and not by lesbians because that’s human nature. Also why Margaret Cho lives in an apartment. America is more than ready for lesbians, just check out pay cable after 10pm. Just not sandals and Subaru jokes. You’ve got Kelly Brook locked up for twelve more episodes. I’m no fancy TV writer, but if she and Elisha Cuthbert start motorboating in the shower, you could pocket another Montecito mansion in tokens. I’m ready to accept my GLAAD Media Award now.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI