By Lex November 08, 2013 @ 3:11 PM
Whenever I see a girl with a face puckered like an IBS ravage bunghole, I often think to myself, I wonder what she’d look like with her sweaty husband closing his eyes and squirting another baby into her. But unless you’re a dirty delivery nurse at Cedars, you won’t be seeing Tori Spelling’s billowing cooch any time soon. The girl who climbed the fame ladder by sheer force of charisma and dramatic tour d’ force has confirmed that she is not entertaining offers for the private sex scene she filmed with her husband. The existence of the taped scene was a revelation in Tori’s latest memoir, Spelling It Like It Is, her fourth or fifth such memoir filled with juicy nuggets such as how many times she folds the bathroom tissue before she wipes, how much she hates her mom from not stopping her from morphing into a scary muppet creature, and pragmatic tips for being broke at 40. Unlike her sex tape, after flipping through the book you won’t feel like you just drank a quart of expired egg-nog.
Photo Credit: WENN
By Lex October 31, 2013 @ 12:29 PM
Mmm, just the words Tori Spelling sex tape are enough to give a man a four hour erection. The thought of that pucker fish face moaning and groaning while her husband who once had a job fondles her off-centered sandbags. I’m buying. Steve Hirsch from Vivid thinks a million other people will too. When the story came out that Tori and her horny husband had blown through Tori’s inheritance and were celebrity broke, the quick thinking Vivid chief remembered the news report about Tori and her man having filmed themselves having sex. Hirsch fired off an offer letter. Dear Tori, look in the mirror, your kids are going to need braces, I will pay you serious cash money to see your husband plowing another baby into you on video. Sincerely, Steve. Or something like that. Tori probably won’t bite. She’s still feuding with her money bags mom, but no way Candy Spelling doesn’t fork over few million herself to keep her daughter out of the Vivid library. Either way Tori gets paid and her husband gets to keep planting babies in her mushy bog.
Photo Credit: WENN
By Lex May 20, 2013 @ 4:23 PM
These blurry photos of Tori Spelling’s ass were actually shot from about a few feet away. Her father Aaron spent the vast measure of his T.J. Hooker fortune before he died building a super force field around his daughter to prevent people from gathering clear looks at her. It was truly his last effort to try and make people think she was pretty. I think it worked. Even after pushing out eleven babies in the past couple of years, Tori does look remarkably better. At least I think so. It’s hard to tell. Good job, Aaron. I wish my dad loved me that much.
Photo Credit: Splash
By brendon November 17, 2011 @ 2:35 PM
Tori Spellings husband Dean McDermott apparently meant to post a “cute” picture of their son on twitter yesterday, but didn’t realize that Donna Martins big puffy tits (it’s like they’re just pumped up with air) and giant areola were in the background. “Well I can’t jack off to this now,” said Jerry Sandusky.
(direct link to the uncensored NSFW pic here)
FERGIE - is on the verge of leaving the Black Eyed Peas because tension between her and Will.I.Am has become “intolerable”. Look around your surroundings and take note of this day, because it’s the day Fergie just fell off the face of the fucking earth. (radar)
TORI SPELLING - says she had a seance with John Edwards to contact her father, and instead he made contact with Farrah Fawcett. Awesome. As if Farrahs year hasn’t been bad enough. (e!)
SELENA GOMEZ - is in a bikini part 2 (part 1 here). And she’s just a month a way from turning 18. See ya then, rape jokes. (splash)
TWITTER ……… FACEBOOK ……… FUCK YOU FLOWERS
If anyone thought Candy Spelling would use today to backtrack from yesterdays comment when she essentially said her daughter Tori killed Aaron Spelling, well then I’d like to introduce you to Candy Spelling, because this is obviously the first you’ve ever heard of her. In todays Huffington Post she writes…
I didn’t intend to create headlines. I was asked a question about my daughter not speaking with my family, and I answered truthfully. My husband was very ill, and he had stopped eating and taking liquids. He called Tori on a daily basis, and never stopped asking if Tori had returned his call. We had to say no every day.
Actually that’s a blatant lie. She was never asked about Tori not speaking with the family. She was asked about the Beverly Hills mansion and what that was like for the two kids, and then this:
HOST: “Are things getting any better, I know that both of you have spoken in the media about how you’re trying to work on your relationship?”
CANDY: “(incoherent stammering) … I’ve always been trying to work on the relationship, I don’t know what the anger is. My daughter one day decided that she wasn’t speaking to my husband, myself and my son, and that’s how it’s continued for the last, oh gosh, 4 or 5 years.”
HOST: “I feel for you, it’s a very sad situation, because I know I would want my mom, I mean she is a part of my kids lives and I would love to see that for you because you’ve got two beautiful grandchildren.”
CANDY: “Yes and you know what, and it was sad because that’s what killed my husband actually, he just didn’t wanna live after that, he had done everything he could possibly do for his daughter and then she wanted no part of him once he couldn’t do anything for her.”
So Candy is the real victim here it would seem. The host asked if things we’re getting better and then said well good luck. Candy had no choice but to eventually confess that Tori murdered her dad. They practically water-boarded that sweet old lady.