It was June 23rd when the Enquirer broke the story that Al Gore was accused of “sexually attacking” a masseuse in Portland, and since then it’s been national news and now police have even reopened the case, but for some reason Gore didn’t think it was important to deny any of this until today. It’s savvy PR instincts like this that led him all the way to the Presiden oh wait never mind. People magazine says…
“Further investigation into this matter will only benefit Mr. Gore,” says family spokesperson Kalee Kreider. “The Gores cannot comment on every defamatory, misleading and inaccurate story generated by tabloids. Mr. Gore unequivocally and emphatically denied this accusation when he first learned of its existence three years ago. He stands by that denial.”
I’m really tired of having politicians who are complete fucking nerds. American politicians used to be so cool. Andrew Jackson killed at least 13 people in duels and when an assassin walked up to him with a gun in each hand, Jackson nearly beat him to death with a stick. George Washington was built like Shaq, he was a fucking giant, and such an unstoppable badass that the Indians called him the “Devourer of Villages.” Theodore Roosevelt carried a gun at all times, boxed and practiced jiu jitsu, and by that I mean while he was President, inside the White House. Why jiu jitsu? Well because it’s useful when “killing or disabling our adversary” of course, or at least that’s what the dangerous lunatic wrote in this letter.
Flash forward to today and Al Gore can’t even attempt to get a handjob without fucking it up beyond all comprehension. What are the odds he can even throw a football without looking like a complete queer. God this is so humiliating. We should elect Brock Lesnar, then sit back and watch him go to all the other countries and yell at everyone.
CAMERON DIAZ - is in a bikini in Hawaii. Is she as fug and pale and flat chested as she seems? Let’s find out together my friend! (the sun)
AL GORE - filed for divorce recently, and now Star says he’s been having a two year affair with the ex-wife of Larry David. When asked for a comment, Bill Clinton nodded proudly. (star)
BIG BOI - has released a second single from his next record, and after I become a UFC fighter this will totally be my entrance music. (youtube)
CAMILA ALVES - and her husband Matthew McConaughey (image not available) walked around New York yesterday, and she’s actually not that great looking. It’s weird. And yet here I am, not caring. (splash news online)
twitter …….. facebook …….. refrigerator apartheid
The Tennessee Center for Policy Research says today that Al Gore, who won an Academy Award last night for his film about global warming and the importance of energy conservation, uses 20 times the national average to power his Nashville mansion. What's more, his use has increased since the release of "An Inconvenient Truth". The Center says:
Gore’s mansion consumes more electricity every month than the average American household uses in an entire year, according to the Nashville Electric Service (NES). The average household in America consumes 10,656 kilowatt-hours (kWh) per year, according to the Department of Energy. In 2006, Gore devoured nearly 221,000 kWh—more than 20 times the national average. Last August alone, Gore burned through 22,619 kWh—guzzling more than twice the electricity in one month than an average American family uses in an entire year. As a result of his energy consumption, Gore’s average monthly electric bill topped $1,359. Since the release of An Inconvenient Truth, Gore’s energy consumption has increased from an average of 16,200 kWh per month in 2005, to 18,400 kWh per month in 2006. Gore’s extravagant energy use does not stop at his electric bill. Natural gas bills for Gore’s mansion and guest house averaged $1,080 per month last year … In total, Gore paid nearly $30,000 in combined electricity and natural gas bills for his Nashville estate in 2006.
So I'm supposed to live like a raccoon while this tubby fuck drives a go-cart from room to room on his fabulous estate. These dirty god-damn hippies all tell me how awful America is and how great everyone else is, and we should all roll around in the mud like these third world nightmares whose number one export is alien like diseases, meanwhile he's flying back and forth to Caligula-like parties in Beverly Hills on his 20 million-dollar Gulfstream jet. I'm supposed to power my shower with a treadmill, but according to this editorial in the USA Today, Gore can't even be bothered to sign up for "earth friendly" power sources like wind energy, even though the utility companies that service his homes (he has three) in Tennessee and Washington DC offer it as an alternative. I think Ed Begley Jr. is a damn retard, but when he shakes his malnourished fingers at me and says we can all live "green", I at least know that he's speaking from experience, because he truly lives that life. Al Gore is not a scientist or an expert on weather and he's sure as hell not an environmentalist. He might as well tell me he's a Japanese super train that transforms into a tiger.
