Two men were arrested in Herkimer, NY for covering themselves in Jell-O and videotaping themselves fucking cows. Apparently, Reid Fontaine and Michael Jones had been calling on the slutty cows on the Herkimer dairy farm for a while. The farmer was concerned that his cows had stopped producing milk and he decided to set up a camera to find out why. Little did he know that two guys were making love to his cows for some cattle diddling fetish website. The assaulted heifer ran off into the street and was struck by a car. I guess it just couldn’t live with the trauma. The farmer called the cops and the local news station arrived and caught the guy in the act. The two men were arrested and are charged with criminal misconduct, animal abuse, and acting like a couple of NBA players. The reporter said,
“Now when we arrived, one of the men was actively having sex with the cow. His friend who was videotaping the act took off as soon as he seen us arrive. Now we can’t show you that video because the man was naked and covered in Jell-O, however we can show you the video of the aftermath.”
I like to think of myself as a modern man when it comes to sex. Meaning, I’ll do pretty much anything a hot girl asks me to do. But, so far, watching bestiality while getting it on hasn’t come up yet. Is there some secret underground market there for Jell-O coated cow fucking fetish videos? If so, shouldn’t that progressive Duke Freshman be seeking to unionize Guernseys in the adult sex business? Do you see how confusing nasty sex can be? I’m sure this news story will get much tighter when Dick Wolf pretends it’s not the basis for his next episode of Law & Order: SVU.