I really feel like I should get my semen back for all the times I masturbated to the ‘Oops, I Did It Again’ video. I feel betrayed. This lump on vacation in Hawaii this week can’t possibly be the same girl. Have no doubt that those new pictures of her in People are nothing but computer generated sorcery. Like when they made Shrek a handsome prince. For Christ’s sake, she’s wearing cutoffs to go swimming. The only people who do that are 40 year old Mexican construction workers and cowboys who fell in the ocean. Even pristine Hawaiian sand looks gross oh her stubby little feet. Did she walk on the beach or through year old kitty litter.