Brandon Davis needs his ass kicked

TMZ has just about the most pathetic thing you’ll ever see, as ex Mischa Barton boyfriend Brandon Davis launches into a profanity filled tirade against Lindsay Lohan while Paris Hilton laughs like an idiot. As paparazzi follow him down the Sunset Strip, Davis calls Lohan “fire crotch” at least 20 times, says her “cooch is seven feet long”, asks if Wilmer Valderama is in a mariachi band, and calls an unseen driver a “dirty whore” after she had the temerity to drive near Davis as he jaywalks. His most punch-worthy comment comes at the end though, when he says about Lohan:

“She’s worth about 7 million, which means she’s really poor. It’s disgusting. She lives in a motel.”

Keep in mind that Brandon Davis’ great accomplishment in life is that he inherited oil money from his billionaire grandfather, Marvin Davis. He’s never had a job, he just does stuff like this. So Paris Hilton will like him. So with that mind, I’m proud to announce that my new goal in life is to find Brandon Davis and beat his ass in front of the paparazzi and Paris Hilton. So, if you see anyone and they’re not beating Brandon Davis’ ass in front of the paparazzi and Paris Hilton, rest assured, that’s not me.


Watch the video here. Good luck not making a fist as you do.

The pictures are Brandon last year with Mischa in Hawaii. One of the reasons she dumped him was because he doesn’t have any money of his own, he has an allowance, and has to ask his mom whenever he wants anything outside of that. And since Mischa has a job, she found that kinda pathetic. So she dumped his pudgy ass, and he cried like a little girl with a skinned knee. Heres another picture of Brandon, showing off the guns. Sorry ladies, but I think he’s taken!