Kirstie Alley really did wear a bikini on Oprah yesterday, and it was every bit as disturbing as that sounds. They say beauty's on the inside, but that's a damn lie. God she looks horrific, like someone shaved Bigfoot. I saw her thighs and thought maybe she was a Centaur. I think the entrance music was so loud so you wouldn't hear the cowbell around her neck. I maybe wouldn't normally make fun of her, but she's begging me too. This was her idea, not mine. Oprah said she looked beautiful. She might as well have said she could fly.
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