MICKEY ROURKE IS GUILTY, COOL

Back in the second week of November, Mickey Rourke was arrested in Miami for DUI while driving a sky blue vespa. He wanted to ride something even more fruity, and you suggested a pink pony with a rainbow mane, but it turns out those are only in your imagination. Because you're gay. Anyway, today he pleaded guilty. TMZ says:

During the arrest, he allegedly told the officer "F&*% you, I'm not drunk." Yesterday, Rourke had some choice words for that cop, telling the Palm Beach Post "I'm friends with most cops in the city and they told me the guy who got me isn't even liked by his colleagues. He's a 400-pound f&*% unfit for duty." Nice.Rourke has been sentenced to six months of probation, ordered to pay a fine and ordered to serve 50 hours of community service. Instead of serving the time, he was allowed to buy the hours at $10 per hour so he wouldn't have to serve."The only thing he has to do is take an online driving course," said his lawyer, Michael Grieco.

A what?  What the hell is an "online driving course"?  WTF does that prove, other than his assistant can look up answers?  That's like giving a true-false AIDS test, or convicting a murderer based on how much water he displaced.