PARIS HILTON IS IN LOVE

After less than two months of dating, Paris Hilton says she is in love with Benji Madden.  And really, how could she not be.  What a hunk!  People magazine says…

"I've never felt so happy and in love," she declared in a post on her MySpace Celebrity blog Tuesday. "He's such an amazing guy and life has never been better."For the past month the hotel heiress, 27, has been touring – hitting Europe and Africa – with Madden and his band, Good Charlotte."It's so much fun going to their shows every night, I now know every song by heart," Hilton wrote. "All the guys in the band are so cool and sweet and it's been such an amazing and memorable experience."

I just cannot imagine the appeal of fucking Paris Hilton.  Asking if she could get any uglier is like asking if a turkey could get any uglier, and as far as safety goes, you might as well stick your penis inside a beehive.  I could do it, because I’m so amazing, but I wouldn’t be happy about it.  I would have to close my eyes and whack my penis up against something for a few minutes to get something going on down there, like you do with tubes of poppin fresh dough.  I can't remember where I was going with this, but it's Paris Hilton so who the hell cares.  Moving right along.