Jessica Alba and Cash Warren got secretly married yesterday in a Beverly Hills courthouse. They arrived at the courthouse around 11:30 am, applied for the paperwork, then were married about 40 minutes later in a ceremony performed by a member of the courthouse staff. No family, friends or media were present. The two have dated steady for about four years, minus a short break up in July of last year. People magazine says…
According to a source, they were married in the Beverly Hills courthouse's ceremony room under an arch of green silk foliage and white flowers. They were casually dressed, with Alba wearing a long blue dress and her hair back in a ponytail. "She looked happy but nervous," the source says.
Nobody else attended the wedding, the source adds.
It's still not clear how this lox tricked Jessica Alba into dating him, much less lying down with him, then marrying him. The most popular theories are: a) drugs b) magic c) Jesus.
1st
Crap. That throws another kink into my master plan. The part where she got knocked up was the first kink.
Based on the fact that she's pregnant? I give it two years. And I'm normally such a pessimist.
This marriage will be over before she's done breastfeeding…umm Jessica Alba milk.
Cash got himself a lactating cash cow
shhhh, it's a secret
At least she got what she wanted….Jessica Warren is now 100% caucasian.
he's in for a lifetime of pain (or 4 months if he's wise), as I've gone forward in time and returned with a picture of the post partum jessica alba
http://www.alicebag.com/chola.jpg
My penis just threw-up a little.
Hypnosis?
d) Cash?
I'm surprised her family hasn't staged an intervention yet. I'm guessing he's really the world's most successful hypnotist, or maybe he's mutant with mind-control powers. I have other theories, but I don't have as much evidence for them yet.
Poor Jessica…she is obviously being blackmailed by this loser, who probably has a sex tape of her (I wish).
JUST RELEASE THE TAPE, JESS. WE'LL STILL RESPECT YOU.
how can she look at this guy and not think "Quagmire"?
If I was that motherfucker I would be smiling and sniffing my finger everyday. Lucky bastard!
is it possible to be the gay equivalent of Oscar de la Hoya? Congrats on that doppleganger distinction, Cash…and make sure to register your new name with the DMV: Lottery Ticket Alba.
frankXchange
I'm guessing he's really the world's most successful hypnotist, or maybe he's mutant with mind-control powers.
It's simpler than that. She's a bore and he's a douchebag.
Sounds to me like she had a shotgun under her blue dress.
http://www.squeezingbucks.com
Cash Warren = Kevin Federline
Can I start calling him C-War?
Girl you know it's…Girl you know it's…Girl you know it's…Girl you know it's…
They both look like they'd rather have a double colonic than stand next to each other. And what's with the Mr. Rogers sweater vest that Dingle-berry's sporting?