jessica simpson is awesome in bed


This Jessica Simpson story from John Mayer (as told to Playboy, recapped here by is way hotter if you ignore what she looks like now and remember what she looked like then. Back when she was Daisy, as in Duke, instead of Glazy, as in Donut.

He dubs 29-year-old Simpson (whom he dated from 2006 to 2007) "a drug." "And drugs aren't good for you if you do lots of them," he says, adding, "Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me." "Sexually it was crazy. That's all I'll say," he continues. "It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just f*****' snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*** you, I would start selling all my s*** just to keep f****** you.'"

Damn. Just … damn. Jessica was everything a girl should be. Short, long hair, huge breasts. I would have fucked the old Jessica so hard she would have looked like a unicorn.

[gallery ids="504151,504161,504171,504181,504191,504201,504211,504221,504231,504261,504241,504251,504271"]

Tagged in: jessica simpson, john mayer