jessica simpson is awesome in bed

By brendon February 10, 2010 @ 12:14 PM


This Jessica Simpson story from John Mayer (as told to Playboy, recapped here by is way hotter if you ignore what she looks like now and remember what she looked like then. Back when she was Daisy, as in Duke, instead of Glazy, as in Donut.

He dubs 29-year-old Simpson (whom he dated from 2006 to 2007) “a drug.”
“And drugs aren’t good for you if you do lots of them,” he says, adding, “Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me.”
“Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say,” he continues. “It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, ‘I want to quit my life and just f*****’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*** you, I would start selling all my s*** just to keep f****** you.’”

Damn. Just … damn. Jessica was everything a girl should be. Short, long hair, huge breasts. I would have fucked the old Jessica so hard she would have looked like a unicorn.

(44) Comments

  1. avatar
    RemSteale 02/10/2010 12:16

    You really dont like girls who arent built like a stick do you Brend0n??

  2. avatar
    Sensei John Kreese 02/10/2010 12:20

    I believe it.

  3. avatar
    oy 02/10/2010 12:21

    i dont get the unicorn refrence…

  4. avatar
    pepper 02/10/2010 12:21

    My penis is happy to see her………..wiggle, wiggle……..

  5. avatar
    Big Smelly Dirt Cock 02/10/2010 12:22

    I would love to rip out John Mayer’s heart Mola Ram style and then take a dump on it.

  6. avatar
    pepper 02/10/2010 12:25

    So why did he leave her?

    …F A G !!!!

  7. avatar
    Dirty Dirt Mcgirk 02/10/2010 12:25

    kali mahhhh!

  8. avatar
    whatizdat 02/10/2010 12:27

    MMMMMMMMMMM another post no TITS or ASS !

  9. avatar
    dirtysanchez 02/10/2010 12:27

    i’d still hit it :drool:

  10. avatar
    Watt 02/10/2010 12:28

    and back in 2006-2007 she was a damn fine piece of ass.

  11. avatar
    RemSteale 02/10/2010 12:28

    Hmmm, thats a new error, “Error establishing a database connection”

  12. avatar
    tblaney6591 02/10/2010 12:32

    It’s official. I now have a massive boner.

  13. avatar
    Zombie 02/10/2010 12:36

    Smart men never actually “leave” a woman, they just smoothly start seeing other chicks without burning any bridges. There isn’t one ex of mine I couldn’t call up right now and arrange a date with………. except maybe that one girl that I accidentally ran over with my car and her brother threatened to kill me if I ever contacted her again.

  14. avatar
    oy 02/10/2010 12:37

    How can a douche like john mayer tag that chick?!

  15. avatar
    BigBadDouche 02/10/2010 12:37

    Mayer’s a douche bag.

    But I’d stick a folk in Simpson’s tits. Then I’d stick a fork in them.


  16. avatar
    bridget phetasy 02/10/2010 12:48

    Here’s exactly how I feel about John Mayer:

    I’m pretty sure the comment from a certain “ColinsMusic” is Mr. Mayer, he’s such a fuckin’ loser.

  17. avatar
    holy canoli 02/10/2010 12:50

    If Nick Lachey didn’t want to kill himself before this interview, I’m pretty sure it’s a done deal by now.

  18. avatar
    RemSteale 02/10/2010 12:56

    Hmm, losing posts again, either that or they are filtering the word ass

  19. avatar
    pepper 02/10/2010 12:57

    you are an ass….

  20. avatar
    pepper 02/10/2010 12:58

    nope , looks like ass works just fine…:)

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