By Travis December 10, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
There had been rumors going around that Chad Kroeger had knocked Avril Lavigne up shortly after they were married in July, and that was scary because it would have been the first sign of the impending apocalypse. At least, I’m pretty sure my bible studies mentioned something about Satan conquering the Earth thanks to the spawn of Canada’s biggest rock stars. But it has been several months since those rumors began, and Avril didn’t look much different at the Jingle Ball in Chicago last night than she did back then, which means that instead of being the harbinger of mankind’s death, she’s still just an otherwise unremarkable white girl.
Photo Credits: C.M. Wiggins/WENN.com
By Travis November 08, 2013 @ 12:00 PM
If it wasn’t already bad enough that his wife divorced him only to eventually marry the lead singer of Nickelback, Sum 41 frontman Deryck Whibley has finally filed the proper paperwork to legally change his name back to Deryck Jason Whibley. That’s because after he married Avril Lavigne in 2006, Deryck legally became Deryck Jason Lavigne Whibley, according to E!, and if VH1 still pumped out those Behind the Music shows, this story would already be a leading contender for saddest rock star life of all-time.
But for all of the bullshit feuding and bickering between Deryck and Chad Kroeger, someone has to explain why they’re making such a big deal out of Avril. If I made a list of the 12 million hottest women in pop music over the last 100 years, she’d be lucky to make honorable mention. So my only theory is that she squirts maple syrup when she climaxes.
Photo Credit: WENN.com
By Travis November 06, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
Avril Lavigne hosted an album release party last night at FINALE in New York City, and obviously our hearts go out to the people who were chained inside the building and forced to listen to that horrible nightmare. But as they recover from that violation, people are once again asking whether or not Avril looks pregnant, because I assume they want to know if they should locate the Necronomicon and begin prepping for the unholy ceremony to welcome our 1,000 years of darkness. Judging by the dress she wore to the party, I’d have to say the answer is still “Maybe.” I don’t want to say she looks fat, because I’m not that big of a dick, but she definitely looks like if she’s not pregnant, a few dozen crunches a day wouldn’t kill her.
Photo Credits: Alberto Reyes/WENN.com
By Travis October 16, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
It was only a matter of time before Avril Lavigne and her husband and Nickelback lead singer Chad Kroeger fulfilled their threat to release a duet, and yesterday was the big day with the unveiling of their new music video for “Let Me Go.” The easiest way to describe this video without using terms like “the music industry’s death rattle” or “Canada’s invention of aural warfare” is to tell you to imagine what it would sound like if Chad Kroeger wrote a song for Nickelback and Avril Lavigne sang it. I know, that’s pretty vague, but trust me that it’s 100% accurate.
By Travis October 10, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger and his wife Avril Lavigne attended something called the Huading Awards in China on Monday, and I’m guessing the event honors outstanding achievement in making people physically ill any time they hear a specific music artist’s songs. But the big news for rock’s latest couple of the apocalypse is that Avril might be pregnant, because, according to the Daily Mail, the dress she wore to the awards is the type that most newly-pregnant women prefer. This rumor can’t be true, though, because it wasn’t followed by reports of everyone else on the planet trying to push Avril down a flight of stairs.
(Photo Credit: Getty)
By Lex September 19, 2013 @ 3:08 PM
Avril Lavigne is dirty. No, not her pretend punk b.s. she continued on Kimmel last night in a spiked bra. She’s the second most dangerous celebrity to search on the Internet, according to McAfee Anti-Virus company. After Googling shit on Lily Collins, searching for Avril Lavigne and anything else is second most likely to get you twisted malware on your computer. I checked my own search records for the past year and found ‘Avril Lavigne Midget Sex’ and ‘ Chad Kroeger Dead Avril Lavigne Cries Naked’ so I ran a cautionary anti-virus scan on my hard drive. It came back with nothing but a picture of a fat bloated Deryck Whibley. I think he got the virus.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, WENN