By Lex April 24, 2014 @ 6:30 PM
As the music world knows by now, Avril Lavigne and her Nickelback life partner have released another bit of culture sheizen into the archives of all things inexplicably horrible. It’s Hello Kitty, as if an afflicted girl who has been staring catatonic at the wall for a decade suddenly burst into a Sailor Moon song as an aneurism took her from this earth. It’s wretched. But is it racist? Meh, not really. Or according to Avril Lavigne, not really, LOL:
As much as I’d like to punch Lavigne-Kroeger in the collective gunt for continuing to make music, and as idiotic as the ‘I have black friends’ argument is, she’s still not as fucking annoying as all the knee jerk tools who love to cry racist at every opportunity. Lazy people with difficulty forming logical arguments and self-described academics living off the public teat tend to be the biggest offenders. There’s power in labeling other people as racist. It means you are clearly not a racist. You are higher borne. You are a multiculturalist, whatever the fuck that is. You slew the redneck dragon and entered your name into the ledger of heroes. Simpleton asswipe. So Avril has a bunch of Japanese schoolgirl mannequins bopping around in her stupid Land of the Rising Sun-cliche music video. Does that mean she hates the Japs, I mean, the Japanese. Fuck all of you self-righteous name calling cowards for making me defend Avril Lavigne. I shouldn’t have to do that.
By Travis April 23, 2014 @ 9:00 AM
As fast as people can complain about what a terrible song and video it is, Avril Lavigne’s latest, “Hello Kitty,” is being pulled from YouTube, and that’s probably a very good thing. Co-written by her husband Chad Kroeger, “Hello Kitty” is an orgy of awful sounds and incredibly stupid lyrics, ushering Canada’s leading wannabe female punk rocker into a new era of ripping Gwen Stefani off. And just like when Gwen thought it would be cool and edgy to form a posse of Japanese girls, people are already calling Avril’s video offensive and borderline racist. Honestly, though, it’s time for people to stop being offended by trivial things and just focus on the fact that this is flat out awful.
(If the video disappears, watch it on Avril’s official site. I know I just said it’s awful, but it really is worth a brief watch just to experience it. Consider it a dare.)
By Travis December 10, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
There had been rumors going around that Chad Kroeger had knocked Avril Lavigne up shortly after they were married in July, and that was scary because it would have been the first sign of the impending apocalypse. At least, I’m pretty sure my bible studies mentioned something about Satan conquering the Earth thanks to the spawn of Canada’s biggest rock stars. But it has been several months since those rumors began, and Avril didn’t look much different at the Jingle Ball in Chicago last night than she did back then, which means that instead of being the harbinger of mankind’s death, she’s still just an otherwise unremarkable white girl.
Photo Credits: C.M. Wiggins/WENN.com
By Travis November 08, 2013 @ 12:00 PM
If it wasn’t already bad enough that his wife divorced him only to eventually marry the lead singer of Nickelback, Sum 41 frontman Deryck Whibley has finally filed the proper paperwork to legally change his name back to Deryck Jason Whibley. That’s because after he married Avril Lavigne in 2006, Deryck legally became Deryck Jason Lavigne Whibley, according to E!, and if VH1 still pumped out those Behind the Music shows, this story would already be a leading contender for saddest rock star life of all-time.
But for all of the bullshit feuding and bickering between Deryck and Chad Kroeger, someone has to explain why they’re making such a big deal out of Avril. If I made a list of the 12 million hottest women in pop music over the last 100 years, she’d be lucky to make honorable mention. So my only theory is that she squirts maple syrup when she climaxes.
Photo Credit: WENN.com
By Travis November 06, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
Avril Lavigne hosted an album release party last night at FINALE in New York City, and obviously our hearts go out to the people who were chained inside the building and forced to listen to that horrible nightmare. But as they recover from that violation, people are once again asking whether or not Avril looks pregnant, because I assume they want to know if they should locate the Necronomicon and begin prepping for the unholy ceremony to welcome our 1,000 years of darkness. Judging by the dress she wore to the party, I’d have to say the answer is still “Maybe.” I don’t want to say she looks fat, because I’m not that big of a dick, but she definitely looks like if she’s not pregnant, a few dozen crunches a day wouldn’t kill her.
Photo Credits: Alberto Reyes/WENN.com
By Travis October 16, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
It was only a matter of time before Avril Lavigne and her husband and Nickelback lead singer Chad Kroeger fulfilled their threat to release a duet, and yesterday was the big day with the unveiling of their new music video for “Let Me Go.” The easiest way to describe this video without using terms like “the music industry’s death rattle” or “Canada’s invention of aural warfare” is to tell you to imagine what it would sound like if Chad Kroeger wrote a song for Nickelback and Avril Lavigne sang it. I know, that’s pretty vague, but trust me that it’s 100% accurate.