Beyonce Wastes Champagne

By Lex May 20, 2015 @ 11:06 AM


Beyonce-Pours-Out-the-Bubbly

Beyonce is being lambasted for pouring out a $20K bottle of champagne in a music video where she and Nicki Minaj encourage girls to use their tits and ass to get ahead in life. If you’re watching Beyonce music videos, you have to know that your powers of deduction aren’t going to carry you. Heed Aunt Bey. A number of people who have little sense of how life works got pissed that Beyonce wasted so much money when they’re struggling to pay their rent or the college tuition nobody told them to take on.

Tweets-About-Beyonce-and-Champagne

Here’s the thing, Char and Ash and College Guy. Whether Beyonce drinks the champagne or dumps it out to look bad-ass on camera, it’s not your twenty thousand. The alternatives was never her paying for your Anthropology degree or solving the drought. That latter one doesn’t even make sense. Beyonce’s husband owns the champagne company and a good chunk of the stupid Tidal music service you paid to witness this horror. Those cunning fuckers make money while you spend and Tweet about not having enough. Go buy a Diet Snapple and just toss it in the trash. Get a taste of the good life. Then pluck it back out of the trash because that’s your food money for today.

Photo Credit: Instagram/Twitter

Sarah Jessica Parker Still Sneaky

By Lex May 05, 2015 @ 9:33 AM

2015 Met Gala  Sarah Jessica Parker LB
Sarah Jessica Parker snuck onto the red carpet of the Met Gala screaming, I used to be one of you! Police tranquilized her more than she already was, boxed her, and FedExed her to Estonia where Square Pegs is the top rated show on television. Everyone agreed that Parker was insane and promised to attend a fundraiser for the twins she bought a few years back. Nude was in this year for gowns. Also, Kendall Jenner showed off her tits, which she has affirmed is the best way for people to like her. All the girls complimented each other on their prettiness even as they lamented the fact they only make 947% of their male counterparts. Wait for the HBO documentaries and you’ll see just how hard life is for the wealthy and good looking.

Photo Credit: Getty

Celebrities Show Off Their Bikinis On Christmas

By Lex December 26, 2014 @ 12:59 PM

Beyonce Xmas Bikini

Photo Credit: Instagram/Twitter

Beyonce and Jay Z Greet the Future King and Queen of England

By Lex December 09, 2014 @ 1:13 PM

The Duke And Duchess Of Cambridge Prince William And Catherine Meet Beyonce And Jay Z At A Brooklyn Nets Game
The royals of England came and met with the Beyonce and Jay Z to discuss such things as how best to garage your fleet of Bentleys during the snowy season and a brief but telling trivia contest on how little each knew about the current whereabouts of their children. The meeting itself court-side at the Brooklyn Nets game was fairly brief, but served the purpose of allowing the British monarchs to be seen with important black figureheads in America without having to fake smile through another insufferable Obama dinner. Prince William once more was forced to fire his wardrobe chief for failing miserably at making him blend in at a commoners event.

Photo Credit: Splash

Beyonce Phones It In (VIDEO)

By Matt November 24, 2014 @ 8:17 AM

The video for Beyonce’s latest auto tuned braggadocio is pretty stripped down. Another way to say that is minimal or failing that dull, shitty, uninspired, and lazy. It features Beyonce drinking booze in a hotel suite and occasionally some local strippers show up to shake their asses and probably try and score blow cut with less Bayer aspirin. The vid features several outfit changes on Beyonce’s part because that’s super exciting to chicks and turns the gay dudes who listen to Beyonce on. It looks like it was shot in about fifteen minutes but with the costume changes and visits to the on-site bulimia chamber I’d liberally give it a few hours. If you ever get to a certain point where people start blindly buying your music for no discernible reason you may as well seize the opportunity to make a point. In this case that point is, fuck you, you’re stupid and lack self-reflection. I’m going to get hammered and relive my slumber party days because I’m bored and you’re going to watch it. Guilty as charged.

Solange Knowles White Breasted Wedding

By Lex November 17, 2014 @ 9:12 AM

Solange Knowles Boobs Falling Out And Sister Beyonce At Solanges White Wedding
Solange Knowles finally married the much older music video director she’s been dating for several years. The couple threw an intricately planned New Orleans wedding that involved everything from a pantomimed re-creation of the levees breaking during Katrina to 50,000 local school children being bused to the Super Dome to serenade Solange with some of her more famous songs that nobody’s ever heard. It’s nice to see Solange finally getting out of the shadow of her more popular and talented and better looking sister. Solange and her tits seemed particularly pleased to be the center of attention for something other than her hair falling out in two fisted clumps or beating up Jay Z in an elevator. Every girl deserves to be a princess on their wedding day. There’s plenty of time for punches and shrill recriminations after the guests have gone home.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet