Every magazine photo is touched up these days, from a little to a lot. But if you’re Shape magazine and promoting fitness, you can’t just airbrush Britney Spears into a sleek specimen and tell all the fudgy gals who read your magazine to be inspired by Britney. I read lots of women’s magazines. I drink diet soda. I cried when Oprah died, I mean, I will. I know women. They love to be inspired and hate to be lied to. This is a lie. Bring back the muffin top.
Photo Credit: Shape Magazine
I shop at Ralph’s too, just like Britney Spears. They’ve got the best cupcakes, 12 for $3 with your club card. Seeing Britney at Ralph’s made me think of country baked ham. Which is also on sale this week with your club card. The real key is that club card. And Britney busting a seam.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
Britney Spears attended Easter services in her hometown of Kentwood, Louisiana yesterday and she looked awful. To be more accurate, she looked like her mom. On the other hand, little sister and five times divorced Jamie Lynn Spears looked pretty good in her way too short for church Easter dress. And, by pretty good, I mean, she didn’t look like her mom.
Photo credit: PCN
There comes a time in every suburban mom’s life when she says, ‘What the fuck, I’m wearing that bikini to the beach today’. I’m mostly guessing, I have no clue how suburban moms think outside of becoming moist over the thought of snapping up 100-ct packs of frozen Bagel Burrito Dogs at Costco or ensuring school counselors that their disaffected teens are not attending impromptu rainbow parties in the dusty garage where the auto shop used to be. But I’m guessing for Britney Spears it’s a big moment to whip off the clothes at Malibu down to nothing but a bikini. You know everybody on the beach is looking. Not to mention a dozen dudes with long range lenses along the bluff. And, when you consider the fact that not long ago Britney was locked in her mansion with guns, her kids, and a whole f-load of voices in her head, yeah, she’s holding up.
Photo credit: FameFlynet
This shit is getting pretty stupid now. Britney Spears boyfriend has a name, David Lucardo, but he’s still not allowed to walk next to her. Not sure who came up with this half-baked strategy, but it’s obviously intentional. Perhaps they thought to shake the keen eye of the paparazzi to the couple status by having the poor sap walk ten paces behind Britney at all times. Why not a wig and mustache? Plastic surgery to make him look like a golden retriever?
Whatever gets up in Britney’s head and gives her ideas, it’s not her bra. She’s still not wearing one.
Photo credit: FameFlynet
