By Lex March 31, 2015 @ 10:22 AM
Seven years ago Britney Spears was locked with her kids in the bathroom threatening to off herself. Now, she’s rooting them on at AYSO and studying pre-Algebra so she can help her kids with their homework. This is a testament to modern medicine and the ability of her father make sure she eats her special sandwiches. I’m not saying every woman who shows signs of crazy ought to be tranquilized and put under strict custodianship, I’m just saying we need an honest debate. The world gets quieter but the sex gets less interesting. I could go either way.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Jack March 03, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Britney Spears lost a bit of her hair extension on stage like two hood rats yanking out weaves over their baby daddy. Broke ass Indian women gave their hair for you, Brit. Get right with your weave.
Watch Britney’s shame. (Huffington Post)
I love a woman who knows how to tug on her panties. (The Chive)
Emily Ratajkowski in lingerie is faptacular. (Egotastic)
Is it just me or do you kinda want to fight/fuck Ronda Rousey? (TMZ)
Want to see Shailene Woodley covered topless? Me neither, but here it is anyway. (Drunken Stepfather)
Charlie Riina bikinis like a fucking champ. (Hollywood Tuna)
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in lingerie makes me want to tallyho her crumpets. (Popoholic)
By Lex February 19, 2015 @ 9:09 AM
Britney Spears looks good. I don’t know how much is Photoshop and how much is real Cajun seasoning. If you’re asking these kinds of questions when stroking one out you’re probably gay. Also, lonely. If you’re thinking about buying her clothes you’re probably both. Though maybe these promo photos are meant for women shoppers. I get confused when long since dormant feelings arise. Or any human feelings at all. Sell, Britney, sell. When you find out dad blew the Oops I Did It Again fortune on a sure thing e-cigarette business in Florida, you’re going to want underwear sales to cushion the landing. Apparently you can sing for meals now at McDonald’s. You’re all good.
Photo Credit: Britney Spears Facebook
By Lex February 10, 2015 @ 12:25 PM
It’s unclear why Britney is sucking in her gut in soft lighting to push undergarments. She’s got to be making shit ton money on her music royalties and I believe her Vegas contract rivals Tom Brady money, not even including the two Laotian virgins she’s allowed to bow hunt for sport each evening. Dad always needs a little extra cash. Conservatorships and unemployment don’t provide like they used to. There’s some age when you need to stop putting your kids in front of cameras in their underwear to rake cash. Check the sales charts. Let them be your guide.
Photo Credit: Intimate Britney Spears
By Lex January 09, 2015 @ 10:39 AM
I’ve been accused of being too negative. Mostly by idiots who deserve to drown under unnecessarily complicated pool rafts. But who can’t be excited by the fact that Britney is back in playing shape. It took ten years and an amount of prescription medication that can only be described as Sunny Von Bulow-esque, but here she is. Ready to serve the Britney Spears conservatorship and the Asian tourists of Las Vegas who need something to do in between buying leather goods and tracking down their husbands at Pai Gow. That’s probably a tinge racist. It’s Friday. The point is, Britney looks like the Britney you once dreamed of scrumping. Have one last go at it. Crazy doesn’t sleep forever.
Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews
By Matt November 13, 2014 @ 8:32 AM
Britney Spears made the trust fundy bearded dude she is dating sign a Non Disclosure Agreement before they even met. Charlie Ebersol apparently didn’t mind signing the document, which would make it illegal for him to talk to his friends about Spears’ meds or even her opinion of the McRib. It appears the one thing he is permitted to discuss is the Non Disclosure Agreement, and he’s also able to ask Spears basic questions he clears through her reps while they are having romantic dinners or awkward obligatory sex.
Your average chick has a few red flags. An ex boyfriend who still mows her lawn or a penchant for excessively squeezing oblong vegetables in the produce section. When she is riddled with peculiar habits and dark secrets to the point that the details of her life require a contract you may want to block her on Tinder. The Non Disclosure Agreement is really the Red Flag of Red Flags. Think about all the horrible crap you already know about Britney Spears. Now imagine there’s something way worse that she’s still hiding. Run, you bearded bon vivant, while you still have your good limbs.
Photo Credit: Instagram