By Lex January 06, 2015 @ 10:05 AM
Cameron Diaz married Benji Madden in a super private ceremony out by the second dumpster behind The Tavern in Brentwood. Given that these two have fucked the crap out of most of Hollywood the past fifteen years, they wanted to keep it simple, exchanging rings and vowing not to pursue sex when aware they are on blistering cycle. Cameron also promised not to embarrass Benji in front of his boys by picking him up and squat thrusting him like a fat Lilliputian. While Benji promised not to ever mention how much hotter and feminine Cameron used to look when he first started masturbating to her. Everyone in attendance cried. Mostly from the rat bites.
Photo Credit: Glamour Magazine, PacificCoastNews/FameFlynet/Splash
By Lex December 23, 2014 @ 11:04 AM
It was supposedly very romantic. Benji Madden called Cameron Diaz’s mom and reminded her that her daughter had been forever ruined by A-Rod’s PED encrusted cock. He then asked permission to make Cameron his next super squeeze. When your daughter is forty-two and growing a mustache like a bandito you’re inclined not to ask if there’s decent money in getting tattooed and pretending you’re an MMA fighter. This marriage either works out well or not. The most important thing is that these two separate friends and Cameron pre-forgives him for infecting her with Paris Hilton’s demon bumps.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Esquire
By Lex September 18, 2014 @ 11:59 AM
Cameron Diaz used to be good looking and act shy and modest and pretend she wasn’t. Now she and her publicity team are pushing really hard to make you believe she’s still that same girl. Even in German, it’s not nearly as enticing. Nobody goes through the A-Rod sex and HGH cocktail ringer and comes out more feminine on the other end. If the thrice a day banging doesn’t get you, the equine spermatozoa is certain to lower your voice an octave and drop a pair of fully formed Penny Marshalls out of your cooch. Photoshop is a band-aid, not a building block. It’s probably time for Cameron to hang up the kinky garters. I say this out of love. I still look back fondly at the random dude at the gym who told me it was time to stop with the mesh tops. It stings, but when the pain fades, you’re in a better place.
Photo Credit: GQ Germany
By Lex July 24, 2014 @ 11:01 AM
Cameron Diaz has to suffer through lots of shit she wouldn’t have to if she was a man. People give her grief about not wanting kids. They criticize her body for being paunchy yet masculine. They question her choice of dating the less talented Madden brother who looks like the Sunday morning bouncer at a no-cover strip club. On the other hand, she has amassed a net worth of $90 million just by being a pretty model chick with a nice smile. Money doesn’t make things right, just better.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News
By Jack July 15, 2014 @ 12:09 PM
After Cameron Diaz made some publicity reference to having been with a woman before, rumors started flying that the woman she had bumped uglies with was Drew Barrymore. Not only does Diaz say she never munched Drew’s sloppy hippy box, but even the idea of that “makes me want to vomit in my mouth.” Agreed.
Read more about Cameron’s denial of flicking Drew’s bean. (Huffington Post)
50-Cent’s baby mama has big exotic boobs (Egotastic)
Pulitzer Prize winning d-bag Jose Vargas gets himself detained at the border. (Washington Post)
Brody Jenner doesn’t hate his sister. So he says. (Dlisted)
Tracy Morgan is still alive and he’s going to sue the fuck out of Walmart. (BroBible)
Hilary Duff in a bikini makes my Lizzie Maguire stand at attention. (Drunken Stepfather)
Hottest girlfriends of soccer players in the World Cup. It’s tits, shut up. (Busted Coverage)