By Lex September 18, 2014 @ 11:59 AM
Cameron Diaz used to be good looking and act shy and modest and pretend she wasn’t. Now she and her publicity team are pushing really hard to make you believe she’s still that same girl. Even in German, it’s not nearly as enticing. Nobody goes through the A-Rod sex and HGH cocktail ringer and comes out more feminine on the other end. If the thrice a day banging doesn’t get you, the equine spermatozoa is certain to lower your voice an octave and drop a pair of fully formed Penny Marshalls out of your cooch. Photoshop is a band-aid, not a building block. It’s probably time for Cameron to hang up the kinky garters. I say this out of love. I still look back fondly at the random dude at the gym who told me it was time to stop with the mesh tops. It stings, but when the pain fades, you’re in a better place.
Photo Credit: GQ Germany
By Lex July 24, 2014 @ 11:01 AM
Cameron Diaz has to suffer through lots of shit she wouldn’t have to if she was a man. People give her grief about not wanting kids. They criticize her body for being paunchy yet masculine. They question her choice of dating the less talented Madden brother who looks like the Sunday morning bouncer at a no-cover strip club. On the other hand, she has amassed a net worth of $90 million just by being a pretty model chick with a nice smile. Money doesn’t make things right, just better.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News
By Jack July 15, 2014 @ 12:09 PM
After Cameron Diaz made some publicity reference to having been with a woman before, rumors started flying that the woman she had bumped uglies with was Drew Barrymore. Not only does Diaz say she never munched Drew’s sloppy hippy box, but even the idea of that “makes me want to vomit in my mouth.” Agreed.
Read more about Cameron’s denial of flicking Drew’s bean. (Huffington Post)
50-Cent’s baby mama has big exotic boobs (Egotastic)
Pulitzer Prize winning d-bag Jose Vargas gets himself detained at the border. (Washington Post)
Brody Jenner doesn’t hate his sister. So he says. (Dlisted)
Tracy Morgan is still alive and he’s going to sue the fuck out of Walmart. (BroBible)
Hilary Duff in a bikini makes my Lizzie Maguire stand at attention. (Drunken Stepfather)
Hottest girlfriends of soccer players in the World Cup. It’s tits, shut up. (Busted Coverage)
By Lex July 08, 2014 @ 1:51 PM
After dating Bradley Cooper, Alex Rodriguez, Sean Combs, and reports of boning billionaire Elon Musk, Cameron took a good look in the mirror and saw what we all saw, it’s time to start dating the less successful Madden brother. Fuck, it happens to us all at some point. The willingness to pretend the suburban rock dude with tattoo issues is our first pick. I don’t care how rich and famous you are, 41 and fair complected is still 41 and fair complected. Life is unfair. I mean, if you’re a woman. Older men in Hollywood are still dating the 20-something versions of Cameron Diaz. Damn you, double standards.
Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, Splash, FameFlynet
By Lex July 07, 2014 @ 8:24 AM
In this month’s Esquire magazine, Cameron Diaz announced for the tenth time that she doesn’t want to be a mom and instantly became the weeping Jesus on the gas station wall for millions of childless by choice women. These anti-nesters are forever scorned for choosing Italian wine tasting vacations and 2-seat sports cars over the trial of shit-soaked diapers and shopping at Costco. Some women simply don’t want to be mothers. There can’t be anything immoral about that. Kids are murderous on the environment and likely responsible for global warming or global cooling or even the dreaded global ‘I think I should bring a sweatshirt’. Birth control is one of the fundamental building blocks to wealthier nations. Childless couples have far more free time to develop cures for cancer and learn how to ballroom dance. There are countless, or maybe about ten, other famous actresses who chose never to have kids. Most of them were lesbians, but Cameron Diaz is blazing her own hetero child-free path. As she breaks down barriers, she will create a culture where childless by choice women are no longer mocked for being super creepy close to their house pets. You want to put ointment on your cat’s vagina, God bless. We got Hondurans who can handle the next generation of jobs. We’re good.
By Lex July 01, 2014 @ 3:23 PM
Cameron Diaz is in the upcoming movie Sex Tape which my shit meter informs me is going to land between horrible and truly fucking horrible. It’s another one of those movies based on a modern social meme that comes out about five years after the meme stopped being fresh or relevant. Paris Hilton’s sex tape came out eleven years ago. Kim Kardashian was hog waddled in the tape her mom helped sell to Vivid back in 2007. Swingers were filming themselves back in the 80′s on Beta and VHS both. Cameron needs another few years of fallow before the A-Rod injections clear her system and she can stop shaving her mustache and pits. Until then, I’m sticking to reruns of The Mask on TNT.
Photo Credit: Esquire