Somehow I missed the live re-singing of the Sound of Music on NBC last night. I vowed never to watch anybody sing again ever on TV, the same day my girlfriend threw out my admittedly barbaric VHS collection of midget fights. I thought I was punishing her, but then I realized I was really just helping myself. I guess the Von Trapp great-grandkids weren’t too fond of Carrie Underwood portraying their mom because they all went on different news outlets to Von bitch:
“It’s just upsetting that this could potentially be the final broadcast of our story. And although her voice is amazing, she doesn’t have acting experience…. It’s just the overall image, she’s a country star, she won ‘American Idol,’ she’s very public in kind of a tabloid way.” — Myles von Trapp Derbyshire, super petty great-grandkid
Who doesn’t get upset about how their great-grandmother they never met is portrayed in the movies? Especially when those same shiny Von Trapp great-grandkids are using the family name to look semi-attractive and yodel in concerts around the world. I’m down with the Carrie Underwood can’t act hate, and I’m even willing to accept a bunch of kids trying to eke out a showbiz living based on three generations ago family events. But then the idiot kids went and said they held a secret meeting to collectively decide they wished Anne Hathaway would’ve portrayed their dead great-grandmum. Now I’m just rooting for the Nazis to take them all away again.
Remember when American Idol finalists were good looking women? I mean, after they were chubby women and gay men with frizzy hair, and before they were once again chubby women and gay men with frizzy hair, there was a pocket of good looking women who competed on American Idol. They never won, because 12-year old girls don’t vote with their dicks, but they at least offered something to look at while making your girlfriend happy by draining your soul of masculine dignity. Kellie Pickler, Carrie Underwood, Katherine McPhee, and… yeah, there weren’t verymany. I really hated that girlfriend. But she had great season tickets.
Here’s Carrie Underwood in a chick magazine. I’d watch a show that just featured her. Though not singing, maybe taking a bath or something.
Carrie Underwood was on stage in Louisville when she saw a 12-year-old boy named Chase holding a sign asking if she would be his first kiss. And that shit worked. She called him on stage and kissed him. It wasn’t hot or anything, but it was a hell of a lot better than my plan to get my first kiss. Not one of them has worked, it’s been almost 15 years! YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF CHASE I HOPE SHE GAVE YOU AIDS!
The reason most hot girls aren’t good at things like softball is because who cares. Hot girls have way better things to do in high school, like prancing around and cheerleading tryouts and laughing when I ask them to prom. Carrie Underwood must have been ugly in high school because she sort of looked like she knew what she was doing when she played in the City Of Hope charity softball game yesterday in Nashville. Most girls swing a bat with the same force a magic fairy would use when granting a wish, but Carrie smacks the ball around like it just called her fat.
Last night was the Rhinestone Music Awards, and I don’t know anything about country music, and I didn’t look up who won. I should really stop telling people that Tyler is your Country Music Award Show Headquarters. But if you came here for that, I guess, Garth … Brooks. Does he still do this stuff? He won, let’s say, I don’t know, five. He won five. And, uh, Conway Twitty won … Best Music. Him and Jerry Reed. For their song about … bbq pork. There. That was todays Country Music Minute. All I know for sure is that Carrie Underwood is really, really, really pretty. The End.
WILL FERREL – appeared in a wedding announcement on Sunday in the New York Times. The guy getting married is a production assistant on Wills new movie. Will is in the picture because he declares Right of Prima Nocta if anyone on his set gets married. (ny daily news)
AVATAR – finished the weekend with an opening gross of $77M in the US and $165M overseas for a weekend total of $242M, exceeding expectations thanks to positive reviews and word of mouth. Also getting rave reviews is the guacamole I made for tonight’s party. (variety)
CARRIE UNDERWOOD – is engaged to Mike Fisher of the NHLs Ottawa Senators. The pair are a dream come true for black comedians who like to talk about how white people dance at weddings. (us magazine)
TARA REID – Is in this months Playboy of course and her full shoot is up on their website, but two more leaked pics start here. Did the photographer have intimacy issues? Is he shy or something? Move closer you jackass. (playboy cyber club)