Carrie Underwood was on stage in Louisville when she saw a 12-year-old boy named Chase holding a sign asking if she would be his first kiss. And that shit worked. She called him on stage and kissed him. It wasn’t hot or anything, but it was a hell of a lot better than my plan to get my first kiss. Not one of them has worked, it’s been almost 15 years! YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELF CHASE I HOPE SHE GAVE YOU AIDS!

The reason most hot girls aren’t good at things like softball is because who cares. Hot girls have way better things to do in high school, like prancing around and cheerleading tryouts and laughing when I ask them to prom. Carrie Underwood must have been ugly in high school because she sort of looked like she knew what she was doing when she played in the City Of Hope charity softball game yesterday in Nashville. Most girls swing a bat with the same force a magic fairy would use when granting a wish, but Carrie smacks the ball around like it just called her fat.

(source = splash news online)

Last night was the Rhinestone Music Awards, and I don’t know anything about country music, and I didn’t look up who won. I should really stop telling people that Tyler is your Country Music Award Show Headquarters. But if you came here for that, I guess, Garth … Brooks. Does he still do this stuff? He won, let’s say, I don’t know, five. He won five. And, uh, Conway Twitty won … Best Music. Him and Jerry Reed. For their song about … bbq pork. There. That was todays Country Music Minute. All I know for sure is that Carrie Underwood is really, really, really pretty. The End.