Eva Mendes’ Dog Will Shred Your Junk

By Bill March 11, 2013 @ 1:06 PM

Women hate Eva Mendes because she’s getting boned by Ryan Gosling. Men hate Eva Mendes because they can’t have her. What’s a misunderstood sexy Latina to do? Buy a big fucking dog that eats slower children. If you so much as glance at Eva’s tits, that brute is going to take his canines to your unmentionables. And you’re not getting that shit sewn back on. That dog looks like a swallower.

Photo credit: PCN

wtf are Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes looking at

By brendon November 28, 2011 @ 12:47 PM

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Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling have been dating for a few months now, and this weekend they were in Paris, the most romantic city in the world, and they had dinner at the Eiffel Tower and Ryan bought Eva a rose. What I’m trying to say is that Ryan Gosling fucked Eva Mendes this weekend, a lot.

(image source = inf)

Ryan Gosling and Eva Mendes are in love!!!

By brendon September 21, 2011 @ 3:49 PM

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Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling went on another date this week, this time at the Griffith Park Observatory in Hollywood before hiking down the hill to Evas house. Sounds romantic. “Hey Eva, I know you have a $2,000 purse and platform sandals, but how about we go down that sunbaked dusty trail and breathe in all the dirt we kick up, then crawl through some sticker bushes filled with rattlesnakes?”

This Ryan is one smooth operator.

(image source = inf)

Perez Hilton should get punched in the face again

By brendon October 06, 2010 @ 11:08 AM

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This weeks People magazine cover story is about cyber-bullying and Tyler Clementi, the Rutgers University freshman who committed suicide after his roommate streamed video from a hidden webcam showing Clementi making out with another guy.

Lance Bass, Kathy Griffin, Tim Gunn, and Wanda Sykes were all on Larry King Monday night to talk about being gay and bullied, Jessica Simpson and Eva Mendes have shared stories of when they were bullied, and Ellen DeGeneres has been especially vocal about Clementi.

“I am devastated… He was outed as being gay on the Internet and he killed himself. … One life lost in this senseless way is tragic.”

So a closeted gay guy was outed against his will and had intimate sexual moments broadcast on the internet. That’s terrible.

Oh hey look, MTV has an interview with that goblin-faced piece-of-shit Perez Hilton. I wonder what he thinks about this.

“I’m just beyond sad — I’m crushed. And also compelled to act (after seeing) gay bullying and (kids) being harassed in school because people might think that they’re gay.”

In other words, “I’m Perez Hilton. I’m a disfigured, fat fucking sociopath.”

As Jim Norton pointed out today on Opie and Anthony (audio on the way) Perez makes his living doing THE EXACT SAME THING. He (Hilton, not Norton) even bragged about outing Lance Bass. MSNBC wrote…

Lance was forced to make a very public statement on the cover of People after Perez Hilton started posting articles in September 2005, outing Lance on his Web site.
(Hilton says) “It upsets me that people think what I’m doing is a bad thing. I don’t think it’s a bad thing. If you know something to be a fact, why not report it?“
If I have to drag some people screaming out of the closet, then I will.”

Dustin Lance Black is the screenwriter who won the 2008 Academy Award for ‘Milk’. He’s smart, dignified, and openly gay, but he’s not famous. At all. Nonetheless, Perez posted private pictures of him having sex, pictures that the Huffington Post described as…

…shocking, TRIPLE XXX photos guaranteed to repulse Straight America.
(Hilton) took a guy helping millions reconcile faith and family with their sexual orientation and turned him into a porn star.

Then there’s Matt Dallas, star of the ABC Family show ‘Kyle XY’. Though only rumored to be gay, Perez delights in calling him a fag anyway, and even nicknamed him ‘Kyle KY’.

Could this have gotten Dallas fired? Only if ABC Family didn’t like having one of their shows associated with a product gay men require to hump each others asses. But why would ABC Family care about that?

Here he has a picture of Dallas, “celebrating his birthday in fagulous style.” Here he writes, “The fagulous Kyle KY star debuted his new ‘do at the Family TV Awards in LA on Thursday night.”

So maybe it’s only cool to “cyber bully” people about their sexuality if you do it in front of millions. Here’s a screencap from the twitter of Clementis roommate where he announces the streaming video. As you can see, he only has 148 followers, and what he actually wrote is nowhere near as inflammatory as what Hilton wrote, all the time.

Luckily, this story about a teenager throwing himself off a bridge has a happy ending, because Eva Mendes said something about bullying (against it?) and last year you could see her boobs in GQ. And now we get to relive it. You know what’s not dropping like a stone right now? My cock!

eva mendes is too sexy (update!)

By brendon November 11, 2009 @ 5:53 PM

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A new billboard in SoHo for Calvin Klein is getting some people all worked up because they claim it’s, “borderline pornography”. The ad, which features Eva Mendes, is also on Sunset Blvd. in West Hollywood, but no one there seems to be complaining. Maybe because much of the real pornography is filmed 2 minutes away in mansions in the Hollywood Hills. You’re going to have a hard time upsetting someone who just spent the morning with ‘Down The Hatch 19’ filming next door.

(hq copy of the pic here. source = mavrix online and flynet online)

SEXY UPDATE – uhq pic rehosted with another angle here and a second eva mendes ad here

eva mendes knows how to promote a movie

By brendon November 09, 2009 @ 11:40 AM

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Eva Mendes was in New York last night for a screening of ‘Bad Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans’, and if someone wanted to make the case that she’s the best looking person on earth, I would find it hard to argue. What helped is that she didn’t wear a bra and her shirt was held in place with little more than optimism.

Predictably, that did not work, so the pictures you really want are about halfway through the gallery. Sometimes I feel pictures like this are the only reason you come here. What happened to the quiet mornings when we would just sit on the back deck and read the paper together. Answer me. ANSWER ME! *brendon runs away crying, slams the bedroom door*

(this post took forever because I started yelling at my monitor for hollywood to kiss my ass. don’t hit the “read more”. you’re not gonna care.)

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