Farrah Abraham Isn’t Welcome Back To Teen Mom

By Travis May 08, 2014 @ 9:00 AM

Farrah Abrham with Jamie Kennedy's wax statue

Not that I’m bragging or anything, but I can name two former Teen Mom stars – Farrah Abraham and Jenelle Evans. We all know the first one because she thinks that she’s a celebrity ever since she faked a sex tape with the most recognized male porn star in the world, and despite claiming that she’s now a good Christian girl, she is releasing a line of smut novels. The other one is an idiot drunk who has been arrested almost as many times as Teen Mom has had seasons, and even though she’s 8 months pregnant, she was spotted in a bar this past weekend. That leaves three other girls that nobody cares about, but apparently they have enough power to make sure MTV never lets Farrah anywhere near them.

According to Us, Maci Bookout, Catelynn Lowell and Amber Portwood told MTV that they didn’t want Farrah joining them for a fifth season of Teen Mom because she “sets a bad example.” I assume that the MTV exec fell out of his seat laughing before he eventually agreed and then ordered a season of a show that will star Farrah and Jenelle in a competition to see who can blow more guys while pregnant.

Photo Credit: Getty

Jenelle Evans Is Apparently Proud Of This

By Travis April 15, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

You could pick me up by my ankles and dangle me over the balcony of a very tall building while demanding that I tell you the names of three of the women who appeared on MTV’s Teen Mom, and there’s a really strong chance that I’d be flattened on the sidewalk in a matter of 20 seconds. Beyond Farrah Abraham, I couldn’t name any others, and I already feel like a filthy bag of shit for knowing that, but hey, she’s the one who decided to make porn and I was required by law to watch it. Jenelle Evans is one of the other Teen Mom girls, but I only remember that now because she’s the one who has all of the different mugshots. She’s also now apparently the one who likes to give fetishists hard ons, too, because she’s posting photos of her pregnant self on Twitter, and it’s certainly not to prove to the world how much she glows. Meanwhile, almost a million people follow this girl. Great fucking work, MTV.

One Of Those Teen Moms Was Arrested Again

By Travis December 16, 2013 @ 10:02 AM

In 2011, former Teen Mom “star” Jenelle Evans was arrested for violating the terms of her probation after she tested positive for opiates and marijuana. Back in August, she was again arrested for drug and paraphernalia possession, and she was all smiles in her booking photo above, because it’s just hilarious how people don’t learn and spend their lives running in and out of a courtroom at the expense of taxpayers. And according to InTouch, Jenelle was once again arrested on Saturday, but the good news is that this time it wasn’t for drugs. Instead, she was arrested for public nuisance after she got into a fight with her boyfriend and locked him out of the house.

The even better news? She’s pregnant again, too. Great job, MTV. You really outdid yourselves in bringing this pearl into our lives.

Photo Credit: Getty

Jenelle Evans Says She Wasn’t Drunk She Was Just Trying To Fuck And Drive

By Michael September 13, 2013 @ 12:03 PM

Jenelle Evans, Teen Mom star and example to girls everywhere, says that she wasn’t drunk when she was arrested for a DUI, she was trying to have sex with her boyfriend…while driving. The incident happened on September 7th when cops pulled the winner over for driving erratically. When asked why she was acting that way she told the cop that it was because she was attempting to get her fuck on while operating a motor vehicle. It’s been a long time since I took driver’s ed but it seems to me that it’s impossible to have sexual intercourse while the girl is driving.

It doesn’t really matter because she’s fucking lying and was wasted. It just goes to show you that you can take the slut  out of the redneck white trashiness she was born into but you can’t take the redneck white trashiness out of the slut.

Jenelle Evans Failed Her Drug Test

By Lex August 13, 2013 @ 6:06 PM

Jennelle Evans' Mugshot Collection
MTV’s switch to low rent reality programming was a small price to pay for never having to see a Sugar Ray video again. Still, they have killed a lot of cast members or sent them to jail or got them into porn. Like Teen Mom Jenelle Evans who is going back to jail for the tenth time or so. She came up positive on her probation drug test. And I don’t mean positively brilliant. Though she does seem positively happy about going back into lady’s lockup. I hear the cooking’s not bad and some of the power dykes will fist you more gently if you remind them of a favorite cousin.

Photo Credit: PCN

Jenelle Evans Is Still Dumb

By Steve G. April 24, 2013 @ 11:45 AM

Teen Mom star Jenelle Evans has the cognitive reasoning skills of a baby squirrel. Because of that she has lapses in judgement from time to time, like when she was arrested yesterday with a lot of heroin.

Jenelle was arrested at her home in North Carolina after police were called to the house on a domestic violence call.
She was found with 12 bindles (small foil packages) of heroin in her possession – Radar

She said she was setup, naturally, but my personal investigation tells me she’s actually just an idiot. She’s so profoundly dense that police could place a bag of heroin under a box held up by a stick, with officers standing nearby rubbing their stomachs, and pointing inside yelling “free drugs”, as neon signs flash “come get arrested” behind them, and within minutes this doped up bitch would be in the back of a cruiser wondering how they caught her. They say everything happens for a reason, but sometimes that reason is you’re a dumbass and can’t stop making bad decisions.