Jennifer Aniston’s Withered Womb And Shit Around The Web

By Jack December 16, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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Old crone Jennifer Aniston wants the media to stop pressuring her to shit out a flesh-colored baby turd already. This isn’t like asking the Yankees if they’re going after pitching in the offseason. Aniston’s about to turn 46. She can find sperm. She clearly doesn’t want a kid.

Jen might as well have her vagina removed and get an old lady haircut. (Dlisted)

Boxer Elliott Seymour admits he took a dive in that fight with Mickey Rourke. (TMZ)

I’d still like to make love to Jennifer Lopez’s booty. (Huffington Post)

Luci Ford covered topless? Don’t mind if I do. (Drunken Stepfather)

Britney Daniels’ booty in short shorts will make your day. (Hollywood Tuna)

Oooooh, Edita Vilkeviciute wears lingerie and it is very very sexy. (Popoholic)

Sarah Palin porn star look-a-like Lisa Ann retires from fucking on screen for money. (Busted Coverage)

Jennifer Aniston Still Making Movies

By Matt November 28, 2014 @ 10:41 AM

Aniston

Jennifer Aniston revealed her financially motivated inspiration for reprising her role as the nympho dentist in Horrible Bosses II. The critically panned and widely considered unnecessary follow up to 2011′s copacetic original features Aniston again appearing three quarters nude for use in theatrical trailers to manipulate impressionable Thanksgiving weekend stoners with no family. Aniston suddenly finds she still draws inspiration from the seductive temptress she played in the original:

“I have thought a lot about her while I’ve done other films since then… She’s a hard one to let go of. I didn’t get enough of her. It went too quick.”

I’d find motivation too if Megan Fox passed on my part. Jennifer Aniston has made about fifteen major motion pictures since she became famous through Friends. For at least seven of these films, her publicity team leaked stories about her romancing the leading man and for five of them she’s held press interviews discussing her sexual bravery for appearing topless in the film, even though all of this has been bullshit and almost all of the films have been flops. She’s not particularly versatile as an actress, but at least knowing we could see her tits or that she was blowing Gerard Butler for real in his trailer would’ve made her seem more likable.

Photo Credit: Getty Images 

Jennifer Aniston Mocks Kim Kardashian

By Lex November 25, 2014 @ 1:37 PM

Jennifer Aniston Stuffs Bra To Mock Kim Kardashian On Ellen Show
Jennifer Aniston stuffed her top on the Ellen show to mock Kim Kardashian and presumably make Ellen’s boxers moist with flop sweat. It was hilarious, if you’re notion of pure entertainment is a future spinster mocking a woman who has a husband, a child, and more money than Qatar. Fuck, I just defended Kim Kardashian. Lightning bolt of Zeus inbound. As a woman who has spent the past decade allowing magazines to describe you as ‘brave’ for lying about being topless in the final cut of the film, Jennifer Aniston ought be a bit more circumspect about poking anybody for showing off their tits. It’s every American’s constitutional right to run over a Kardashian if the ethics question is would you turn right and kill a Kardashian or turn left and kill Hitler. But you surrender that right when you make fifteen bad movies in a row.

Photo Credit: Ellen

Jennifer Aniston Goes Straight to Mopey

By Lex April 04, 2014 @ 4:33 PM

Jennifer Aniston Mopey On The Set Of 'Cake' In Pasadena
Unlike her standard publicity methodology where Jennifer Aniston first talks about being topless in her latest movie, then gets praised by vagina heads for being so brave in her 40′s, then turns out not to be topless, then conjures up rumors about her dating her hunky co-star, then leaks tales of being a sexually vibrant nymph with a polyp-free colon, and then ultimately runs off and hides without any makeup in a Ramada Inn putting on four ounces of unhappiness and grump, Jennifer has skipped right to the grump this go-round. She’s filming ‘Cake’ with Sam Worthington and not even pretending they’re having a secret romance. She’s still keeping up appearances with the dude from the last movie she’s talked about marrying for a couple years now. But Jen’s destiny remains to be forlorn and love-lost and a bunch of other words that mean Angelina Jolie when she still had breasts done stole your man. Sorry, Jen’s publicists, you don’t hold my balls in your hands like People magazine. I speak the unfettered truth of the inconsequential and mildly retarded set.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

Jennifer Aniston And Gloria Steinem Are Both Swell Being Fallow

By Lex February 13, 2014 @ 3:51 PM

When two greats in the world of feminism like Jennifer Aniston and Gloria Steinem get together, you’re going to want to grab a pound of fudge and your favorite vibrator and pull up a chair. Jennifer interviewed Gloria over the weekend at the MAKERS Conference, where women get together to celebrate women being totally fucking amazing people who are every bit as good as men who apparently don’t need such conferences. MAKERS is undertaking a massive video project to record thousands of hours of life, loves, and important lessons of awesome women such as Hillary Clinton, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and Oprah Winfrey. It’s like Lifetime meets Oxygen meets having a tetanus drenched salad fork stuck in your eye. And, now add to that Gloria Steinem sharing with Jennifer about how it’s super cool to be a woman with no husband or kids.

I accepted it for a long time and I thought, well okay, I’m getting married and I’m having children. I’m definitely doing that. Just not right now. I’d put it in the future. And then, fortunately, the Women’s Movement came along and made me realize I was actually happy. And that there were more ways to live than one. So it came as a great revelation.

Then Steinem joked that Jennifer was in deep shit because she was following Gloria’s own heralded path of being a self-involved grizzled spinster. She and Jennifer chuckled so hard that even their aborted babies in heaven could hear them. Steinem made the exact same point in her groundbreaking article for Esquire in 1962, but I suppose telling it yet again to an A-list actress in 2014 makes it seem fresh and worth paying a hefty admission price. At the conclusion of the interview, the two ladies gave each other an empowering embrace and agreed that sperm was the most ruinous substance on the planet.

Jennifer Aniston Boobs Revisited

By Lex December 30, 2013 @ 6:50 PM

Jennifer Aniston In A Bikini Poolside In Cabo San Lucas
Someday not far off, Jennifer is going to put her boobs away in the closet, along with that publicity machine that puts out so many happy stories about Jennifer’s life as a bon vivant. Chinese cups can only suction so much toxin out of the body. Eventually, people will stop tolerating you simply because you look nice in a bikini and you once gave head to Brad Pitt on his birthday. Now is the time to check out Jennifer Aniston. She’ll be married soon to somebody with gravitas. Not this Justin guy. Justin’s the name of the spastic kid on your Little League team, not the guy you take to Vanity Fair The AIDS galas. Maybe a real estate mogul or an elected official or somebody willing to trade their will to live for the chance to see Jennifer topless for two weeks before and after marriage.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, FameFlynet, Splash