By Lex August 21, 2013 @ 12:32 PM
Sometimes I wonder to myself, will Jennifer Aniston ever find true love? Then I realize those are the bad thoughts they taught me to suppress at conversion camp and I just look at her tits and think she looks pretty damn good.
Here’s Jennifer Aniston wearing a bikini in Cabo. It’s the same exact outfit she wore eighteen months ago in Mexico. I guess money is a bit tight when you’re spending $40K a day to have a Chinese girl spit mountain spring water up your bowels to keep your coat shiny.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Travis August 14, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
It has been eight years since Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt divorced so he could go about not feeling guilty over having crazy monkey sex with Angelina Jolie every day for the rest of his life, and while the star of We’re the Millers is now engaged to that other guy who isn’t nearly as famous as Brad, people still love talking about Jen’s poor, broken heart. As it turns out, Jen and Angelina were scheduled to be on the same flight from L.A. to London on Sunday night, and that would have basically been Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanzaa rolled up into one perfect present for every website on the planet.
Unfortunately, some dick at British Airways realized what was going on and contacted Jen’s people in order to change her flight plans, unbeknownst to the actress. Although, I’m sure that once she found out, she ordered her publicist to schedule an interview with Oprah to talk about how she doesn’t want to talk about Brad anymore, because her life is all about that other guy now. The one who isn’t Brad.
(Photo Credit: Getty)
By Lex August 02, 2013 @ 6:06 PM
It’s important to Jennifer Aniston that you know that she is not lonely. Jennifer often gets called the eternal bridesmaid and the ever-dumped ex, when in fact, she is literally the most popular girl at the dance. To help educate the public on just how much men want her, Jennifer willed herself a swollen womb at the premiere of her new movie We’re the Millers. She may not have a baby, but it’s vital that you understand that she could have one, at any time, with any of a million men who would kill to knock her up. When you believe, the bump will go away.
Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, WENN
By Travis August 02, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Actresses always seem a little more attractive than they actually are when they play strippers, prostitutes or just plain, old sluts, and it never hurts when they curse like they’ve got Tourette’s. But it’s still weird to see Jennifer Aniston playing a stripper in We’re the Millers, because while she looks really hot in her bra and boy shorts, she’s still the same woman who cried about Brad Pitt for the last 80 or so years and expects people to care about her stupid wedding to that guy, whatshisface.
Maybe if she threw in a scene with a cucumber or a Sybian I’d be a little more interested. Call me picky, I guess.
By Lex July 29, 2013 @ 1:03 PM
Jennifer Aniston likes being engaged, going on for a year now with no real marriage pending.
“We just want to do it when it’s perfect, and we’re not rushed, and no one is rushing from a job or rushing to a job. And, you know, we already feel married.”
Wow, Justin Theroux. Get the fuck out. Now. Sure, you can call this liberating for the dude as he gets to plow Jennifer Aniston without having to marry her. But that’s regular guy’s logic. Jennifer Aniston is no gold digger. She’s got all the gold. She’s just keeping you wrapped up in an engagement prison of her long and complex baggage. Those berating screams assaulting your left ear when you look at another woman. Yeah, those aren’t going away, pal. Your fiancee loves being engaged like she likes holding your nuts in her designer clutch. GTFO now.
Photo Credit: INFphoto.com, Splash
By Lex July 24, 2013 @ 1:11 PM
Jennifer Aniston is making another movie. She makes a lot of movies. I think she must be really nice or she has dirt on important people or something because she’s not particularly good or memorable in any and they don’t ever seem to make any money. Maybe the cast and crew just like staring at her nipples. I once hired a guy because he promised to bring his homemade beef jerky to work. Just writing that makes wish my own story involved a good looking woman and nipples.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN, WENN