By Lex August 12, 2015 @ 10:49 AM
If you’ve been waiting for Katie Holmes to direct a movie about a desperate single mom, insightful tranny waitresses swapped into the traditional role of magical Negroes, and the fleecing of the working class in the subprime mortgage crisis of the late 2000′s, save up your dough for a ticket to All We Had. From a novel by a chick sculptor beloved by Oprah, the movie is set to be huge among up to seventeen women who’ve been waiting for a less compelling version of every Laura Dern movie in the 1990′s nobody ever saw. Katie was smart enough to put herself in tight showy outfits. It’s one thing to decry sexism inherent in female roles in the movies, it’s another thing to have nobody show up to your movie.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Michael April 07, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Reports coming out of dead-eyed Katie Holmes’ camp claim that demented dwarf Tom Cruise hasn’t seen his daughter Suri in over a year. Since he owns his own plane, a couple helicopters, and four rickshaw boys from the Canton province, it seems unlikely he’s been unable to find transportation.
Read all about Risky Business’ shitty parenting. (TMZ)
Martha Hunt is topless in a building just for you. (Egotastic)
Gigi Hadid flashes her panties. (Drunken Stepfather)
Stephanie Pratt is covered topless and it’s amazing. (Hollywood Tuna)
Kendall Jenner’s booty peeks out of her short short dress. (Popoholic)
Hot chicks with lots of tattoos. That is all. (The Chive)
Amber Rose dyes her hair blue, is still a filthy whore. (Huffington Post)
By Matt March 19, 2015 @ 8:08 AM
If your buddy ever tells you he sucked a dick that one time in college he’s either a liar or bad at it. People rarely change. Dudes buy Harleys because there’s a chick out there with a go to fetish who’s going to hate herself in the morning. That’s why if you were married to a gay guy for a contractually obligated period of years in an effort to hoodwink the public that’s pretty much the camp you’re boxed into. Jamie Foxx has heard more gay rumors than your average single diminutive flamboyant male R&B singer or at least right about on par. You may not read the black gossip press, but if you do, type ‘Jamie Foxx gay’ into their search bar and watch two-thirds of every article they’ve posted over the past decade come up. It shouldn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. But it exists. Enter Katie Holmes, Hollywood’s most famous beard. She and Foxx are apparently enjoying a sparky romance according to their publicists. I’ll believe that when I see a video of the two of them banging raw dog without the cameras on. I’d watch. But just for science. And to respond expertly on those gossip sites.
Photo Credit: Twitter
By Michael March 18, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Rumors are flying that Jamie Foxx has been slipping it to Katie Holmes. It makes sense. Short and troubled might just be her type. Foxx has an Oscar so he probably gets the ass. I think that’s Hollywood law.
Read all about their boring love affair. (Huffington Post)
Go on and give your undies a tug, you tease. (The Chive)
Kylie Jenner is dumb as shit but I would still tap that. (TMZ)
Heather Carr shows off her naked, sandy butt for your viewing pleasure. (Drunken Stepfather)
Tatiana Eriksen uses her bare titties to sell pricey water. (Egotastic)
Charlotte McKinney’s got some big ‘ol guns, y’all. (Hollywood Tuna)
That Marky Mark gets to fuck Rhea Durham is reason number 1345 why I hate him. (Popoholic)
By Matt August 07, 2014 @ 7:19 AM
Its the classic growing up story where a young lady gets pregnant by Kris Klein from American Pie and immediately marries a weird older guy with dark hair and a huge jaw so as to avoid any Blanket Jackson eyebrow raising. Holmes got married for casting opportunities, so its no surprise she isn’t sweating having raised her kid in a totalitarian secret society while out now promoting a new movie. The really dark feelings will seep in after the premiere. Asked about the marriage on the Today show Holmes mused:
“I never really look back. I just approach life [taking] it one day at a time. I’m really excited about where I am right now. I’ve had some really wonderful creative experiences. I’m just really grateful.”
Five and a half years in the perfect amount of time to convince the general public Tom Cruise is straight while still banking a few years of your prime. This was just a case of an insane cult member and a simple girl from Ohio drifting apart. In life you should never let it bring you down when you conspire to fuck up your kid for career purposes.
Photo Credit: Getty Images
By Lex June 23, 2014 @ 3:51 PM
I have pretty much every Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell high minded missive tattooed on my sleeve of awesome celebrity insights. I remember at the beginning of this year when the two headed vegan Bell-Shepard hydra bitch announced a boycott of all magazines that show pictures of celebrity kids. Jennifer Garner and Halle Berry and I think that woman who became a man but still had a baby on Oprah joined the protest, asking the celebrity magazines to refrain from taking candid photos of their kids. Outlets like People magazine felt obliged to pen tortured explanations about how they’re parents too and work really hard to make sure kids are never exploited within their pages. Obviously, there are rare exceptions of newsworthy events or when print subscriptions are plummeting and you need a cover story on Suri Cruise looking fucking adorable as ever. Also, if you pay the parents a shit ton of money for their kids’ pictures, it’s cool. It’s noted as the Kardashian Exception under law.
I used to feel sorry for the children of celebrities for being visually exploited in this manner. Now I realize that large middle aged women need porn too. If perusing photos of Suri and North and Nahla and all the other kitschy commercially named rugrats keep these same women from overdrawing their checking accounts to buy cute owl-ornaments on QVC, so be it. These children are doomed with or without the long distance exploitation. Why not let Betty from Ames ventilate her privates as she reviews what famous preschoolers are wearing to the summer parties. If Dax and Kristen weren’t so inherently more right than other people, this might just be open to debate.
Photo Credit: INFphoto.com