Lena Dunham Makes Good

By Matt May 14, 2015 @ 7:22 AM

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After posting photos of her muffin top oozing out of her leggings and repeated photos of her dog eating beef pho, Lena Dunham decided on an insurance policy and put up a photo of her Girls co-star Jemima Kirke in her panties. Even hard core punk bands who threw jars of piss at their audience occasionally put out a radio friendly song. At least the ones who lasted. Dunham probably recognizes there’s a finite market for obnoxious unattractive women. Pepper in some of your cute friends and we’ll all talk about what a doll you are. Just try and stay in the back row of the photos. Your rants on the heroism of underarm hair go over much better once we’re in our refractory period laying on the couch next to your half indoctrinated gal pal from the Palisades who you haven’t yet introduced to the unjustness of blow jobs. Keep talking. I’m watching the game out of my left eye.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Lena Dunham Is Comfortable In All of Her Skin

By Matt May 13, 2015 @ 6:33 AM

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Lena Dunham posted a grotesque muffin top photo which is most likely designed to empower women by giving them the ability to kill men’s boners until the seas rise another three centimeters from global warming and swallow us whole. Dunham mentions this is her exercise gear, which might put Equinox out of business or at the very least riddle their billboard with book clubs focussing on work about lost cats:

“… Forgot my workout gear so had to snag a size large bra and a size small pants.”

Do whatever you want but don’t forget the XL cummerbund. It’s great Dunham recognizes there’s a problem and is attempting to better herself. Her Instagram was predictably heaped with praise because she’s trolling fat chicks for compliments the same way Dana DeArmond’s butthole pics are trolling dudes to fulfill her Amazon Wishlist. Unfortunately Dunham’s fan base has been tricked into thinking pointing out someone is fat equals body shaming. Chanting it at the bus stop might be. Acknowledging a health issue is not. Continue heaping praise on Dunham for no other reason than being out of shape, but you’re belying her high blood pressure meds. They make for great table talk.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Lena Dunham Half-Assed And Shit Around The Web

By Jack April 23, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Lena Dunham is in the news again for writing a column in Seventeen Magazine where she tells girls to be different and not care what the haters think. She could’ve just copied and pasted the Tweets of every single pop star on social media. But that’s called plagiarism, while she was aiming for lazy pro-forma.

Read all about the Lena Dunham deep dive column. (Huffington Post)

Gigi Hadid turns up the heat for her 20th birthday. (Egotastic)

Big Sean thinks Ariana Grande used Bieber to get back at him. (TMZ)

Behati Prinsloo took a picture of her crotch. That is all. (Drunken Stepfather)

Pixie Lott sure does have some nice sideboob. (Hollywood Tuna)

Danielle Knudson in a bikini? Don’t mind if I do. (Popoholic)

Let’s take some time to reflect on some booties. (The Chive)

Lena Dunham’s Tits Cure Depression And Shit Around The Web

By Jack April 13, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Self-described comedienne Lena Dunham Instagramed a picture of herself in tights and a sports bra to combat mental illness. It didn’t work. Seeing her half naked makes me deeply depressed.

See the horror…the horror. (Huffington Post)

Peyton List wears short shorts to Coachella, she’s not even barely barely legal. (Egotastic)

Manny Pacquiao records a song for his walkout. It is fucking amazing. (TMZ)

Doutzen Kroes in a one piece swimsuit is fucking sexy as hell. (Drunken Stepfather)

Emily Ratajkowski is all kinds of cleavy at the MTV Awards. (Hollywood Tuna)

Bella Thorne dresses in skimpy shorts at Coachella like every other slutty chick at Coachella. (Popoholic)

Sexy girls gettin’ sweaty in headbands. (The Chive)

Lena Dunham Still Unappetizing

By Matt March 30, 2015 @ 6:06 AM

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Lena Dunham is being accused of anti-Semitism after she wrote a flatly lame piece in the New Yorker entitled “Dog or Jewish Boyfriend? A Quiz” The main gag which repeats itself over and over compares traits Jewish dudes supposedly have in common with dogs such as:

“He doesn’t tip. And he never brings his wallet anywhere… He comes from a culture in which mothers focus every ounce of their attention on their offspring and don’t acknowledge their own need for independence as women. They are sucked dry by their children, who ultimately leave them as soon as they find suitable mates.”

Dunham herself is Jewish which apparently doesn’t make you funny like I had learned from watching the movies. I’m personally offended at this. Not because of the lackluster stereotyping but because it blows. You’d have thought when the outcast fugly girls finally took power they’d have a more spectacular agenda than jokes from the lodge circa 1950.

The Anti-Defamation league is up in arms because they have a firm understanding of how Google Alerts work. The New Yorker would no way in hell have published this if it came from anyone but a famous feminist blowhard. Its readers should remove their stupid fucking glasses now and admit their bible spoon feeds them pseudo-intellectual baby food and has sold out with the rest of them. Look for them to publish a Britney Spears think piece in the coming weeks while still running ads for 300 dollar safari hats. I get wistful watching things die slowly.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Lena Dunham Is Really Obnoxious And Shit Around The Web

By Jack March 09, 2015 @ 11:30 AM

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Lena Dunham has sworn she wouldn’t marry her boyfriend Jack Antonoff until gay people can get married. Now that that has come to pass she’s up against Antonoff swearing he’d never marry ugly. Classic romantic impasse.

Lena Dunham holds the key to everything, but its buried in her ass. (Dlisted)

Claudia Jordan isn’t old, she’s mature and her tits look spectacular. (Egotastic)

Let’s celebrate the thigh gap with lots of pictures of thigh gaps. (The Chive)

Suge Knight straight up ran over a dude and there’s video. (TMZ)

Kim Kardashian is named one of the most influential people because our culture is doomed. (Huffington Post)

Kate Hudson looks cold. (Drunken Stepfather)

Zoe Kravitz in a bikini will make you want to abuse yourself. (Hollywood Tuna)