Combining her two super powers of memorizing the street address of every single abortion clinic in Manhattan and making tranny Rican street walkers in the Bronx feel good about their looks, Lena Dunham is launching a website in September called Lenny. The site is named after her vibrator that Jesus gave legs to escape when he learned of the toy’s ungodly fate. In the vein of Gwyneth Paltrow’s cult of personality Goop site, Lenny will be a must visit for millennial women determined to be shitty girlfriends and wives and ultimately super alone:
The website will be about keeping abortion safe and legal, keeping birth control in your pocket, and getting the right people elected, all while wearing extremely fierce jumpsuits.
Goop lies to you and tells you you can be healthy and pretty. All Lenny can promise is that you’ll look and smell better than Lena after she barrels out of the Golden Corral drunk on ribs. My Planned Parenthood app already keeps my nearest abortion options pinging on my Google maps and I have no desire to dress like the working girl who slept through the evacuation alarms at Chernobyl. Lena Dunham isn’t going away. She’s just going to appeal stronger and stronger to an ever shrinking audience of the world’s most annoying people. She’s the Insane Clown Posse of the Upper West Side.