Lena Dunham Knows Abortion and Fashion

By Lex July 20, 2015 @ 10:29 AM

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Combining her two super powers of memorizing the street address of every single abortion clinic in Manhattan and making tranny Rican street walkers in the Bronx feel good about their looks,  Lena Dunham is launching a website in September called Lenny. The site is named after her vibrator that Jesus gave legs to escape when he learned of the toy’s ungodly fate. In the vein of Gwyneth Paltrow’s cult of personality Goop site, Lenny will be a must visit for millennial women determined to be shitty girlfriends and wives and ultimately super alone:

The website will be about keeping abortion safe and legal, keeping birth control in your pocket, and getting the right people elected, all while wearing extremely fierce jumpsuits.

Goop lies to you and tells you you can be healthy and pretty. All Lenny can promise is that you’ll look and smell better than Lena after she barrels out of the Golden Corral drunk on ribs. My Planned Parenthood app already keeps my nearest abortion options pinging on my Google maps and I have no desire to dress like the working girl who slept through the evacuation alarms at Chernobyl. Lena Dunham isn’t going away. She’s just going to appeal stronger and stronger to an ever shrinking audience of the world’s most annoying people. She’s the Insane Clown Posse of the Upper West Side.

Lena Dunham Makes It About Her And Shit Around The Web

By Jack June 26, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Lena Dunham is pressuring her mongoloid boyfriend Jack Antonoff to marry her now that there is marriage equality throughout the land. I’d jump that train while you have the chance. This caboose has traction.

Read all about Lena’s latest narcissitic tantrum. (Huffington Post)

Kaili Thorne in a teeny tiny string bikini. (Egotastic)

Bristol Palin is, once again, preggers outside of marriage, #blessed. (TMZ)

Bar Refaeli’s tits are spectacular in these bikini pics. (Drunken Stepfather)

This is Amanda Gullickson and these are her yabbos. (Hollywood Tuna)

Amber Heard doesn’t need a bra, y’all. (Popoholic)

Mirror, mirror on the wall who has the biggest tits of all. (The Chive)

Women of Hollywood Can’t Catch a Break

By Lex May 28, 2015 @ 11:36 AM

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It’s hard to imagine a more self-evidently pointless task than asking a group of successful women in Hollywood how Hollywood denies success to women. But it’s now the daily sport of magazines and trade papers who have editors demanding horrible sexism in Hollywood stories because that’s their agenda. We used to say, because that’s their job, but, you know, times change.

In the big Hollywood Reporter piece on how tough the industry is on female comedic actresses, a bunch of the funny ladies gripe about how the business is so heavily looks based and superficial, without mention to that fact they are all superficially good looking and working sixteen jobs. Dunham is the home on prom night outlier, but don’t think she too doesn’t suffer fools:

I heard a guy on my show say into his microphone: ‘I hate this job. I can’t wait to be back on a show where there’s a man at the helm.’ Later, that same guy came up to me at lunch and said, ‘You’re really enjoying that buffet, aren’t you?’ He’s the worst person alive. I hope he reads this, which he won’t because he’s drunk.

Dunham declined to name the guy because she’s classy, or she’s just making shit up again as she has routinely in the past to support her arguments. This article complements the recent interview with Maggie Gyllenhaal about how she was informed she was too old to play the love interest of a male character in his 50′s.

There are things that are really disappointing about being an actress in Hollywood that surprise me all the time. I’m 37, and I was told recently I was too old to play the lover of a man who was 55. It was astonishing to me. It made me feel bad, and then it made me feel angry, and then it made me laugh.

That’s a whirlwind of emotions that I’d bet my life didn’t get past anger. Gyllenhaal also refused to mention any details, like the role, the producer, the director, the actors involved, or provide any context to the sexist charge because questioning this authenticity of this anecdote is in it itself sexist. I’m certain the sewing slaves assembling these ladies’ outfits are passing around the Hollywood Reporter and lamenting what $150,000 an episode of oppression must feel like. It’s okay to cry, Thiri Aung. Now back to the work bench in your diaper. Your fifteen seconds of me time is over.

Lena Dunham in Lingerie Selfie

By Lex May 26, 2015 @ 9:12 AM

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Lena Dunham posted a photo of herself in lingerie because she’s super body positive. Also, because she’s being paid by a lingerie company.  It’s long been Dunham’s dream to make one million men taste the remnants of the grilled cheese sandwich they never quite digested in the fourth grade. That part of the Internet where girls equate showing off your fat naked body on Instagram to the Montgomery Bus Boycott went into a tizzy:

Lena Dunham’s lingerie photo is her latest body posi effort on social media, and power to the writer and actress for once again being badass and fearless when it comes to showing off her body… Dunham wore a pistachio green, lacy set from Lonely Lingerie, a company who makes “intimates for ladies who view lingerie as a love letter to themselves,” as opposed to, say, being something solely utilized to entice a lover. Can we veer off topic for a second for me to say that I’m in lurve? What a refreshing concept! — Amy Sciaretto, Bustle.com

Power to Lena. Not the power to lay off the carbs or the power to resist burning an innocent dude in your book with implied rape allegations, but the power to not entice a lover with this lingerie. I’d have to call this a success. Amy Sciaretto might be in lurv, but your visual love letter to yourself just cost me a decent erection for the next ninety-six hours. I’m sending you a copy of The Feminine Mystique and a poncho. I call truce.

Lena Dunham Makes Good

By Matt May 14, 2015 @ 7:22 AM

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After posting photos of her muffin top oozing out of her leggings and repeated photos of her dog eating beef pho, Lena Dunham decided on an insurance policy and put up a photo of her Girls co-star Jemima Kirke in her panties. Even hard core punk bands who threw jars of piss at their audience occasionally put out a radio friendly song. At least the ones who lasted. Dunham probably recognizes there’s a finite market for obnoxious unattractive women. Pepper in some of your cute friends and we’ll all talk about what a doll you are. Just try and stay in the back row of the photos. Your rants on the heroism of underarm hair go over much better once we’re in our refractory period laying on the couch next to your half indoctrinated gal pal from the Palisades who you haven’t yet introduced to the unjustness of blow jobs. Keep talking. I’m watching the game out of my left eye.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Lena Dunham Is Comfortable In All of Her Skin

By Matt May 13, 2015 @ 6:33 AM

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Lena Dunham posted a grotesque muffin top photo which is most likely designed to empower women by giving them the ability to kill men’s boners until the seas rise another three centimeters from global warming and swallow us whole. Dunham mentions this is her exercise gear, which might put Equinox out of business or at the very least riddle their billboard with book clubs focussing on work about lost cats:

“… Forgot my workout gear so had to snag a size large bra and a size small pants.”

Do whatever you want but don’t forget the XL cummerbund. It’s great Dunham recognizes there’s a problem and is attempting to better herself. Her Instagram was predictably heaped with praise because she’s trolling fat chicks for compliments the same way Dana DeArmond’s butthole pics are trolling dudes to fulfill her Amazon Wishlist. Unfortunately Dunham’s fan base has been tricked into thinking pointing out someone is fat equals body shaming. Chanting it at the bus stop might be. Acknowledging a health issue is not. Continue heaping praise on Dunham for no other reason than being out of shape, but you’re belying her high blood pressure meds. They make for great table talk.

Photo Credit: Instagram