Lena Dunham Is Still A Classic Beauty

By Travis April 08, 2014 @ 11:00 AM

Girls star Lena Dunham was a guest of honor at the Point Honors New York Gala last night, as she received an award for all of the work that she does as an advocate for the LGBTQ community, which is a very formal way of saying that gay people love her. However, the actress still looked about as comfortable on the event’s red carpet as Kim Kardashian in a talent competition. Lena eventually thanked designer Marc Jacobs for her gold gown, which she said gave her “boob I could use,” and it was at that point that every man at the Point Honors Gala turned to each other and whispered, “And that’s why.”

Photo Credits: Getty

Joan Rivers Calls Lena Dunham A Dangerous Diabetes Causing Fatty

By Jack March 27, 2014 @ 2:34 PM

Pickled fashion crone Joan Rivers attacked Lena Dunham’s weight and the message her fat ass sends to girls. It all started when the legendary comedian took time away from luring kids into her gingerbread house oven to go on The Howard Stern Show. The topic of Dunham came up and the dress she wore to a recent event that showed off some tight cellulite above the knee. Rivers took umbrage to this and said that it sends the wrong message to girls. When Stern (who has previously apologized for calling Dunham that ‘little fat chick’) said that her whole spiel is that she doesn’t give a shit, Rivers said,

“But that’s wrong. You are sending a message out to people saying, ‘It’s okay. Stay fat. Get diabetes. Everybody die, lose your fingers. I’m saying if you look the way you look, Lena — and that’s fine and you’re funny — but don’t say it’s okay that other girls can look like this. Try to look better. Try to look better!”

Finally, someone says what everyone is thinking. People are always saying how awesome Dunham is for showing what a real woman with curves looks like.. Those aren’t curves, they’re lumps. Sofia Vergara has curves. She says it’s okay to be fat and proud, and it’s not. I guess it’s okay to be fat, if you must, just not the proud part. Some good does come out of models and actors being so thin and perfect. It fat shames the rest of us obese Wal-Mart Twinkie eaters to get off our gigantic asses and hit the treadmill and not bankrupt Obamacare in its infancy. If suddenly it’s cool to be overweight, that damn falcon faced Joan Rivers will actually be right. I can’t live in a world where Lena Dunham is naked on my TV screen and Joan Rivers deserves a round of applause.

Lena Dunham Shies Away from the Spotlight

By Jack March 14, 2014 @ 12:38 PM

Lena Dunham is threatening to quit acting. But is it really a threat if it’s what everyone in the world wants? In a recent interview for Glamour magazine, Dunham talked about how she is “OVER talking about her body”, which I suppose means she might actually stop bringing it up constantly in conversation and interviews. Dunham has been widely criticized, not only because her naked body looks like a tube of toothpaste pressurized at airplane altitudes, but also because she’s just a second-rate actress.

“I don’t know if I’m going to want to act anymore. I’m always relieved on the days I don’t have to. I’d rather give parts to other women than be the woman having the parts.”

It must be tough being the woman having the parts considering you’re the woman writing and assigning the parts. At some point, even the most self-absorbed feminist needs to fly the banner of being out to help other women. They won’t let you in the front door of the Angry Vagina Club if you don’t spout such lines. But there’s no chance in hell Lena removes herself from in front of the camera. That and haikus about abortions are what keeps her going. Well, that and 4,000 kcals per day.

Lena Dunham Can’t Seem to Get It Right

By Jack March 11, 2014 @ 12:38 PM

Lumpy Loch Ness monster Lena Dunham is at it again when she made a child rape joke after her SNL appearance. It all started when the tatted manatee appeared on SNL, you guessed it, naked. The bit was meant to make fun of criticism that Dunham is unnecessarily nude on Girls. When someone on Twitter asked her what we are all thinking, “Why are you naked all the time” she responded by Tweeting,

“Please tell that to my uncle, mister. He’s been making me!”

Child molestation is hilarious! The Internet jumped down her throat, because everybody on the Internet is right. Dunham apologized profusely and said she didn’t mean any disrespect to people who had been fiddled by their uncles. The fact is, for somebody who pretends not to care what people think about her, Lena Duham cares a shitload. She’s not writing tons of horrific sex scenes for herself because she’s indifferent to public notice. That’s exactly why she is doing it. And why she and her New York inflated minions become so aggressively hostile when her ‘indifference’ is questioned. She’s the most sensitive person in the world, you know, underneath that thick protective layer of comfort food.

Lena Dunham In Her Underwear Is Instant Yummy

By Lex February 26, 2014 @ 1:57 PM

Lena Dunham In Her Underwear At A Photo Shoot For Her Novel
You’ve got to admire Lena Dunham. When most actresses receive two years advanced notice on a showy promotional shoot, they might do a sit-up or lay off the pork rinds every other Tuesday. Not Lena Dunham and not when there’s so many modern options in plus-sized ladies underwear. I couldn’t be happier for the thirteen inmates in this country who have masturbation fixations on tranny Rush Limbaugh in leopard skin bloomers. For the rest of us, shutter your eyes lest you be stuck with the inability to maintain an erection for the next 73 days. I believe that is Lena’s sinister goal as she maniacally sucks on her stockpile of frozen Charleston Chews in her lair high above the upper west side of Manhattan.

I had the chance to read the multimedia Not That Kind of Girl book proposal Lena sent around to various publishing houses in New York a couple years back. It got leaked on the Internet and she sued the crap out of everybody for daring to look at her self-aggrandizing literary pap smear. It had lots of cute life lessons learned being an awesomely talented playwright about topics such as abortion, wacky cab rides on the way to get abortions, and, naturally, the post-abortion gelato. Some fawning maven of New York literati handed Lena several millions of dollars and her left fallopian tube as advance for her book proposal. If the final version  is anything like her endangered circus animal underwear promo pics, it’s going to be a difficult read.

Photo Credit: Lena Dunham/Instagram

Jezebel Offers $10K For Lena Dunham’s Untouched Fat Ass

By Jack January 17, 2014 @ 1:27 PM

Online feminist screech site Jezebel has offered a $10,000 “bounty” on unaltered pictures of Lena Dunham’s Vogue shoot. We told you all about the porcine star of Girls appearing on the cover of the revered fashion magazine. The pictures were immediately considered controversial. Not for the fact that millions of men collectively lost their ability to become erect for 72 hours after viewing, but because the pride of authentic femininity had clearly been Photoshopped in her pictorial. Jezebel thinks this bounty will somehow shame the fashion magazine into admitting their crimes. Bullshit. First of all, everyone knows that magazines like Vogue doctor their photos to remove superficial imperfections as possible. We know Lena has been airbrushed because she’s been kind enough to share every wrinkle, cranny, divot, and crater on her expansive doughboy body over the past couple of years on TV. In the photos, Lena actually looks like somebody you might have sex with and not lie to your friends about. That’s a telltale sign they are fake.

But isn’t the real point here that Vogue decided to put a chunky unattractive woman on their cover just to grab a built-in guilt-free cheesecake biting audience of woman for their otherwise struggling print magazine? Vogue isn’t a magazine designed to empower women, it’s designed to make them feel inadequate so they’ll buy more shit to try and look like the girl on the cover. Though in this case that might mean less trips to Saks and more trips to the spinning hot dog rotisserie at 7-Eleven. Women need to learn to compartmentalize your content like men. You have Jezebel when you want to hate men, and you have Vogue when you want to hate yourself. Don’t try cross-pollinating. You’ll end up with Lena Dunham on your bed.

(Picture Via Vogue)