Photo Credit: Getty, Pacific Coast News
Photo Credit: Getty, Pacific Coast News
Mariah Carey decided that instead of simply attending the Fresh Air Fund Salute to American Heroes Gala last night in New York City with her tits hanging out like she normally would, she’d make an adventure of journey to the event, and share it with everyone on Vine and Instagram. Her idea of humor seems to be sexually-transmitted from her husband, Nick Cannon, who is about as funny as a dozen babies in a wood-chipper, because she thought it would be a trip to put on her tit-revealing gown and take the subway and a cab to her big event. But along the way, to prove what a pair of huge tits of the people she is, she stopped to let normal people compliment her on her gown, because she’s really just like the rest of us, except much wealthier and locked into a fake marriage that nobody believes is real.
Now that her marriage to Nick Cannon is supposedly on the rocks, it’s time for Mariah Carey to turn the breast exposure up to 10 and let any 30-year old actors out there know that she’ll soon be single and looking to assist in boosting their careers, so long as they’re willing to sign a contract and maintain an image of love and happiness, no matter how transparent it may be. So the best person to help her do that is controversial photographer Terry Richardson, who was the man behind her recent shoot for Wonderland magazine. This time, Mariah made sure to pick out some sexy lingerie that not only accentuated her most prized assets, but she also brought her kids along to take what I’m sure will end up being her Christmas photo this year.
Photo Credits: Terry’s Diary
It’s very possible that Mariah Carey is some kind of evil sorceress, the way that she seemingly can’t age and somehow manages to be the mystical force that keeps Nick Cannon employed and successful despite the fact that he is horribly untalented. In fact, her love for posting photos that reveal the majority of her breasts is one of the only reasons I even know what Instagram is, and now she’s using that magical power of hers to make us care about something called Wonderland magazine. Mariah is on the cover of the upcoming issue that will be released on Friday, and the way that the publication’s art designer chose to capture her with a simple white background just artistically magnifies how precious and priceless her 45-year old body really is. Now if she could just remove the spell that she cast on Nick to stop sharks from tearing him limb from limb while we all watch, this world could be a truly beautiful place.
Photo Credit: Mariah Carey’s Instagram
“Whiteface” pioneer Nick Cannon went on the Howard Stern show yesterday to talk about the nonstop shitstorm that he’s been brewing for himself, starting with his idiotic whiteface routine and leading up to his list of famous sexual conquests. Despite being married to Mariah Carey and having children with her, Nick bragged last week that he slept with, among other C-listers, Kim Kardashian, and he thought that was cool because people already knew about them. Still, he ended up admitting that he regretted listing the famous desperate women, but that changed yesterday with Howard Stern, as he used the platform to brag about how awesome his sex life is with Mariah, whom he claims has no clue who Kim Kardashian is. This is all pretty remarkable considering the two things that people don’t really give a shit about is where Nick Cannon puts his dick and his comedy.
Photo Credit: Getty
Based on the holiday photos that Mariah Carey posts on her Instagram account, we could probably make a case that the private greeting cards that she sends to friends and family are downright pornographic. Nick Cannon’s 44-year old wife showed off her St. Patrick’s Day spirit yesterday by posting a special green-tinted photo of her in a bikini on a yacht and another picture that looks like an advertisement for a really bad strip club. Mariah’s mom was actually of Irish descent, so it was tits ahoy as the singer celebrated her heritage. That is, after all, what St. Patrick’s Day is all about, as millions of people get drunk, fight and vomit on each other to celebrate the memory of St. Patrick chasing all the snakes out of a large-breasted woman’s shirt.