By Travis April 03, 2014 @ 9:00 AM
“Whiteface” pioneer Nick Cannon went on the Howard Stern show yesterday to talk about the nonstop shitstorm that he’s been brewing for himself, starting with his idiotic whiteface routine and leading up to his list of famous sexual conquests. Despite being married to Mariah Carey and having children with her, Nick bragged last week that he slept with, among other C-listers, Kim Kardashian, and he thought that was cool because people already knew about them. Still, he ended up admitting that he regretted listing the famous desperate women, but that changed yesterday with Howard Stern, as he used the platform to brag about how awesome his sex life is with Mariah, whom he claims has no clue who Kim Kardashian is. This is all pretty remarkable considering the two things that people don’t really give a shit about is where Nick Cannon puts his dick and his comedy.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Travis March 18, 2014 @ 11:00 AM
Based on the holiday photos that Mariah Carey posts on her Instagram account, we could probably make a case that the private greeting cards that she sends to friends and family are downright pornographic. Nick Cannon’s 44-year old wife showed off her St. Patrick’s Day spirit yesterday by posting a special green-tinted photo of her in a bikini on a yacht and another picture that looks like an advertisement for a really bad strip club. Mariah’s mom was actually of Irish descent, so it was tits ahoy as the singer celebrated her heritage. That is, after all, what St. Patrick’s Day is all about, as millions of people get drunk, fight and vomit on each other to celebrate the memory of St. Patrick chasing all the snakes out of a large-breasted woman’s shirt.
By Travis February 14, 2014 @ 10:00 AM
If there’s a celebrity that knows about true love and real marriages, it’s Mariah Carey, because there’s not a person on this planet who thinks that her marriage to Nick Cannon isn’t as legitimate as they come, and totally not orchestrated for attention around the same time that both of them needed boosts in their careers. That’s why Mariah was the perfect star to light up the Empire State Building for the “Love Above All” wedding event in New York City yesterday. Why wasn’t her husband there? Because someone has to stay home and watch the kids and wait for Mariah to Instagram her breasts as proof that she loves him. Duh.
Photo Credits: David Cardiff/PNP/Alberto Reyes/WENN.com
By Travis February 04, 2014 @ 11:00 AM
Mariah Carey’s Instagram account is a mixed bag, because most of the time the 43-year old singer posts pictures of her kids, and her fans think, “Aw, what a sweet, caring, loving mother she’s turned out to be.” But then the rest of the time it’s TITS TITS TITS TITS TITS and MORE TITS, because Mariah’s not an idiot and she knows that there are singers, actresses and models half her age out there, looking a hundred times better. So if Mariah wants to keep morons buying her music and perfumes, she’s going to have to keep attracting dumbasses like me, who see the above photo that she posted yesterday and think, “This fuckin’ lady… but tits!”
Photo Credit: Mariah Carey/Instagram
By Travis December 23, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
While I can’t name a song that Mariah Carey has ever recorded in her career, I do have a pretty great idea of why she’s remained relevant and successful after all these years. The woman who totally married Nick Cannon because she loves him is currently celebrating the holidays with her family in Aspen, and she took some time out to post some photos of her in a bikini on Instagram, because there’s really no better way to tell your fans that you appreciate them than by showing them your giant breasts. Some people like baking cookies and Mariah likes showing off her 44-year old tits. Either way, they’re the gifts that keep on giving.
By Travis December 04, 2013 @ 12:00 PM
Mariah Carey was one of several stars that helped usher in TV’s spirit of capitalism last night at the pre-tape for the 81st Annual Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree Lighting, and her greatest talents were on full display for everyone in attendance. It’s a pretty strong statement that you can put Mariah in Rockefeller Center in front of the nation’s most famous Christmas tree and surround her with adorable young children, and her giant breasts somehow still manage to be the focus of attention. She’s really lucky that she’s so wealthy and has managed her money so well, because in a few years she’s going to need some serious spine-straightening operations or she’ll end up shaped like a question mark.
Photo Credits: Ivan Nikolov/WENN.com