Megan Fox Is Acting Badly

By Matt July 01, 2014 @ 9:11 AM

Megan Fox

I’d always assumed Megan Fox’s crappy acting was directly related to her complete lack of acting talent. Fucking assumptions wing me again. Apparently, her dramatic performances are grade school level because she just doesn’t give a shit:

“It’s so hard to be a working mom especially when your heart is not in your work, when your heart is with your family”

You can get fired from Sizzler for being uninspired around the salad bar, so why is Fox still getting offers? She’s hot, just like a ton of other women in this town who will push their tits up in a low cut top, slap on some tight jeans, and mouth any lines or Michael Bay’s junk as needed to secure employment. Once talent is no longer in play, that funnel top is fucking huge.

“I’m looking for movies that will shoot in Los Angeles, for projects where I can shoot in and out in 10-20 days.”

Gotcha, sexy Meryl Streep. Hollywood needs to work around your breastfeeding and tumble-time play schedule. Maybe all of this nonsense is just Fox lowering expectations for her upcoming role in Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles. Maybe she is going for that Johnny Depp aloofness in an attempt to cast the detached nature of her performances as a struggle with inner turmoil. Or maybe she’s just an entitled Guess model who has already blown her Transformers money on Bugaboos and is looking for some easy paydays. If she got naked as April O’Neil, all of these questions could easily go away.

Photo Credit: Instagram, Esquire

Megan Fox Looks Good With Mom Tits

By Lex April 02, 2014 @ 2:19 PM

Megan Fox Debuts Post Baby Body On The Set Of 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' In Los Angeles
I guess they’re still shooting scenes for the Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles. Either that or Megan Fox is postpartum nuts and performing her April O’Neil shtick on the streets of Los Angeles hoping somebody steals her unattended babies. Michael Bay seems to have this TMNT shit finally under control as they continue into their eleventh year of filming. I think the computers actually completed most of the movie during the Bush Administration and they’re just not telling the humans as a sort of payback for fucking up the turtles origin story. It’s almost time for the virgin nerd army to assemble and collectively bitch one octave higher than the standard male vocal pitch. If and when you meet one of these argumentative geeks, speak to them in a calm manner until such time as they reveal an easy strike opportunity to their man-boobs. Then fire without hesitation and watch them crumple like a cleric with no magic points.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, Splash

Megan Fox Is April O’Neil On The Set Of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

By Travis July 24, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Megan Fox and Will Arnett spent yesterday filming some scenes for the upcoming Michael Bay-produced Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot in Manhattan, and it’s kind of sad that I almost forgot that Megan was still an actress. Remember when everyone used to think she was the hottest woman on the planet? Man, those were fun times.

Now she’s dressing up as April O’Neil, which should get some folks in the nerd community revved up, but even if she rolled up to Comic-Con in a turtle van, she would have had a hard time cracking the Top 50 in terms of hottest women dressed as slutty comic book characters. I’m all for comebacks, but we’re going to have to try a little harder, Meg.

(Photo Credit: Ivan Nikolov/

Megan Fox Jumps On Trampoline

By Lex May 08, 2013 @ 2:12 PM

Megan Fox In Tight Pants Filming Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles In New York
Megan Fox jumping on a trampoline in stretch pants and a tight top. Fuck all the tortured souls developing their craft down at the Lee Strasberg Institute right now. This is what you call acting.

Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin, FameFlynet, INF, PCN, WENN

Megan Fox Gets Down to Business

By Lex May 06, 2013 @ 3:12 PM

Megan Fox On Set Of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle In NYC
When Megan Fox arrives on set, it’s time for the real acting to begin. This time, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The film sparked an uproar early on among computer science majors when it was suggested this origins movie would give the turtles an alien background, not make them real earthbound mutants. Unless you’re getting laid by a girl in thick glasses you really need to not engage in these types of conversations. They’ll only lead to early onset diabetes. It’s going to be dumb either way. But Megan Fox has three mouths to feed now, so I’m guessing she’ll show a lot of cleavage. It’s on my go-list.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, Splash

Megan Fox is in Esquire, might be insane

By brendon January 15, 2013 @ 4:38 PM


Megan Fox is in the new issue of Esquire, and if anyone thought she might be another one of these stars who has their interviews filtered through a publicist, this should put an end to that. Because she’s candid. Psychotically candid.

Others in her situation have found release in booze and pills. Fox has found hers in church.
“I have seen magical, crazy things happen. I’ve seen people be healed. Even now, in the church I go to, during Praise and Worship I could feel that I was maybe getting ready to speak in tongues, and I’d have to shut it off because I don’t know what that church would do if I started screaming out in tongues in the back.”

Luckily, weirdness is right at home in Esquire, who fag upeverysingleinterviewand profile they ever do with a hot girl by studying her features the way a serial killer would right before turning her into a lamp.

The symmetry of her face, up close, is genuinely shocking. The lip on the left curves exactly the same way as the lip on the right. The eyes match exactly. The brow is in perfect balance, like a problem of logic, like a visual labyrinth. It’s not really even that beautiful. It’s closer to the sublime, a force of nature, the patterns of waves crisscrossing a lake, snow avalanching down the side of a mountain, an elaborately camouflaged butterfly. What she is is flawless. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her.

Are… are we still talking about Megan Fox? What was all that about a labyrinth and butterflies and an avalanche? It’s like Esquire is trying to sell us a racehorse.