Miley Cyrus woke up the world this morning with dirty puns about Woody Allen tapping her for his upcoming Amazon TV series project. Amazon originally announced the TV project last year but once Mia Farrow’s kids stopped accusing Allen of fingerings in the attic he no longer needed the immediate publicity cover. The Miley Cyrus selection is curious given the fact that Miley Cyrus can’t act and her bridgework is so off-putting. Allen has a habit of working with the same veteran New York acting crew over and over again then picking one less talented young chick from Los Angeles because 50-year old New York stage actresses don’t swallow.
Fuck yeah ! Stoked to be in Woody Allens first series!!!!! I had claimed 2016 to be my year of ‘chillin the fuck out’ but next to my bed for a few years now has been this portrait of W.A. & I was looking into his eyes when I got the call to be apart of the cast and work alongside the bad a$$ Elaine May & da dude himself! 1960zzzz here I cummmmm.
That’s the kind of social media post employers are supposed to review before hiring. She seems like a fun girl, but is she really Marketing Department material? Outlets like Netflix and Amazon understand the digital audience well enough to know that nobody under forty knows who Woody Allen is but Miley’s Q rating among millennials is off the charts. She’s like that guy who could bring booze to the high school party. You have to invite her. Here she cums.
Macklemore made yet another song apologizing for being a white guy in a black dominated business that rips off hip hop culture. He compared himself to Iggy Azelea and Miley Cyrus and Elvis, to name just a few horrible horrible people who like himself aren’t giving back the huge gobs of money.
The Miley Cyrus attention train keeps rolling on. Depending on how serious you believe she takes her own shtick, she’s either the world’s biggest self-aggrandized circus clown or she’s a genius marketer who’s found a raunchy niche that prints endless amounts of money. It could be a combo. How does she get Maxim magazine to name her the sexiest woman in the world before they slip into oblivion, rake in $100 million on a tour featuring German sheizen video antics, and make herself over as an established old school celebrity in a Very Murray Christmas? It’s either blessed fortune rained down by a God who forsook her in the lineage department or its some kind of feral dog street smarts. The social phenomenon probably says more about our world than shifting views on radical Islam or why women think cheesecake doesn’t make you fat if you consume it in small, individually wrapped portions. Nice Caitlin Jenner impersonation. Can I borrow fifty bucks?
Feminists are lauding the symbolism of female celebrities infantilized by the male dominated media culture as reckoned in Miley Cyrus’ profound new music video, BB Talk. They are neglecting to mention this video was put together by the same dude that did Blurred Lines they called out for being super exploitative and rapey. It seems pretty clear Cyrus’ song is about how dudes love her to act cutesy and baby like while they’re fucking her. But only because that’s what all the lyrics are about. The disturbing visuals challenge you not to get a hard-on thinking about fucking Miley as a 5’3″ baby in a diaper. Challenge lost. Wait, is there a poopie in that diaper? If this weren’t all about making money, it would be far more disturbing.
The girls with pay for your own iPads at Jezebel wanted to remind everybody on the heels of the Very Murray Christmas special on Netflix that Bill Murray was once accused of beating his wife, by his wife, during their divorce proceedings. No crimes was ever charged or adjudicated. Mia Farrow rules apply to people you hate. Men. And that anorexic blond Republican chick on Fox.
Thanks for the timely reminder. I was about to marry him. Hillary Clinton wants to believe all rape claims de facto, because she missed that day at Yale when they taught Constitutional law.
Jezebel pulled up a bunch of quotes from people who know Murray calling him a major asshole. That’s certainly suspicious. Then they Googled ‘Bill Murray abuse’ and found 36 million results. The first one being the Jezebel story on Bill Murray being accused of abuse. I Googled ‘feminist bullshit’ and got nearly a million results. There’s definitely something there.
Cut to the fucking point, Jezebel. There’s a man out there you don’t like who got away with being a womanizing drunken louse and now young men look up to him and it burns you on the inside. Near the vagina you had ritualistically named after an Egyptian goddess in the meditation room at Soul Cycle. It’s okay to hate Bill Murray. Just fucking say, I hate Bill Murray. So much time saved on the other 2,000 words of bullshit. Now you can get to Whole Foods before the vegan muffins begin to sprout. ‘Lex Hates Women’, 440,000 results. Hangman is coming, mama.
Terry Richardson and Miley Cyrus locked in a photo studio with nobody to say the word ‘gross’. Suck on this. Squat on that. Pretend you’re relocating a Syrian refugee into your twat. Why is Akram weeping? Two more hours until my mom picks me up. I think your cock just fixed my overbite.