There’s nothing wrong with being the spastic bony girl with scoliosis who’s not horrible looking. Personally, I dated nothing but in high school. By senior year, I could unclasp a bra wrenched beneath a corrective back brace with a single hand. That impressed the shit out of many mid-tier state school recruiters. Still, I keep feeling this whole Miley Cyrus is the worlds hottest woman meme is some kind of wicked high school prank by Maxim to get Miley all dressed up for the prom only to be doused with a bucket full of pig’s blood. After Miley mind-explodes the mom from Eight is Enough, she’ll probably pyro up Maxim. Nobody will bother to grab a hose.
Maxim held a party to honor their awkward selection of Miley Cyrus as the Hottest woman in the known universe. I think this is one of those times in life where you make a poor choice, realize your mistake, but you’re too embarrassed to tell anyone you fucked up so badly so you go along with it way too far. That pretty much describes my first marriage. If Maxim is smart, they’ll suck up their pride and get out before Miley takes the labradoodle they rescued together.
Photo Credit: PCN, WENN
It’s hard to keep track of whether or not Miley Cyrus is still with Hunger Games star Liam Hemsworth, because she’s just so damn hot. Look at her at Monday night’s Met Gala in New York City, proving why Maxim named her No. 1 on the Hot 100. No man deserves to cage such heat, especially when he’s not even the best Hemsworth brother.
But despite whatever conflicting things people are reporting, Liam and Miley are at least still dating, according to Miley, and that’s not cool with Liam’s brothers, Chris and Luke. US Weekly reports that Liam’s brothers actually staged an intervention for him in April, trying to convince him to end his relationship already.
And I’m not sure how that worked, but I assume that they first held a mirror in front of him and then made him look at pictures of Miley. He couldn’t have lasted more than a few minutes with that kind of torture.
(Photo Credit: Getty)
Erin Heatherton. Jessica Gomes. Bar Refaeli. Kate Upton. Charlize Theron. Olivia Wilde. Miranda Kerr. Mila Kunis. Rosie Huntington-Whitely. Malin Akerman. Ashley Benson. Emma Stone. Zoë Saldana. Chrissy Teigen. Brooklyn Decker. Chanel Iman. Marisa Miller. Behati Prinsloo. Eva Mendes. Rashida Jones. Irina Shayk. Beyonce. Adriana Lima. Blake Lively. Freida Pinto. Rosie Jones. Kelly Brook. Angelina Jolie. Natalie Portman. Emilia Clarke. Keira Knightley. Vanessa Hudgens. Amber Heard. Selena Gomez. Katy Perry. Scarlett Johansson. Victoria Beckham. Jennifer Lawrence. Emma Watson. Ashley Greene. Alana Blanchard. Alessandra Ambrosio. Julianne Hough…
Those are all just names that I thought of off the top of my head in the split second after Miley Cyrus revealed on Twitter that Maxim named her No. 1 on this year’s Hot 100 list. After those and probably a few dozen more, and after I walked down the street and pointed to random women and objects, I’d then possibly mention Miley.
(Photo Credit: Getty)
Wow, she’s even got the finger biting thing going on now. She’s in Elle. It’s official, Miley Cyrus is a grown up model. And a self-described singer. I think she’s supposed to be married soon too to the brother of the guy who plays Thor. It’s all happening so fast for Miley Cyrus. I hope she tattoos these special moments in Chinese characters on her body so she never forgets.
Photo Credit: Elle UK
You can’t stop the kids from growing up. It seems like just yesterday I was lying about never masturbating while watching Hannah Montana. And, now, little Hannah is all grown up into a mature semi-spastic girl in leather. I need a little time to digest this. I might have to go back to the Hannah Montana tapes for a little to wean. Then move slowly, but quite decidedly, into these V magazine titty-grabbing photos. A man needs a masturbation plan. A man without one is just fapping in the wind.
Photo Credit: V Magazine