Miley Cyrus Tits Raise Money for The AIDS

By Lex October 30, 2014 @ 9:27 AM

Miley Cyrus Wears Exposing Bondage Outfit To amfAR Gala LA
The AIDS research group amfAR delivers the A-list celebrities for their balls around the world like no other charitable cause. You might last a short stint in the business as a Holocaust denier, but you hesitate to support The AIDS and you have signed your death notice.

The girls love showing off their tits at these The AIDS events. It’s kind of a dream scenario. You can flash your yabbos to tons of powerful men and none of them will try to cop a dirty feel. I once spent a week working with a team of gritty lesbians. I found it the most liberating experience ever. The chance to bitch about not getting pussy with other women was more than therapeutic. I don’t care how hard-up your buddy is, he’s got conversationally nothing on a butch dyke who hasn’t aggressively fisted a bored housewife in over six months.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Getty

Miley Cyrus Explained in Two Words Or Less

By Lex October 22, 2014 @ 8:45 AM

Miley-Cyrus-Munching-on-Money

Wrong hole.

Miley Cyrus Topless Because You Can Do That Shit In Australia

By Lex October 14, 2014 @ 11:02 AM

Miley Cyrus Sunbathes Topless With Cheyne Thomas While In Australia
Fuck if I didn’t just praise Miley Cyrus. Why remind the world that god forsook you with little soy eating boy mammaries? Nobody escapes the dry wit of genetics.

Photo Credit: MTRX/AKM-GSI

Miley Cyrus Is Doing Alright

By Lex October 14, 2014 @ 9:06 AM

Miley Cyrus Performs In Bedazzled Leotard In Australia
Miley Cyrus went on Australian morning television and declared the key to happiness is a whole bunch of empty phrases while fully aware the real answer is being super fucking high and getting laid often. Which it truly is. When you’re twenty one and you can cover off all the deadbeats in your family with a check you don’t even notice and you’ve still got resources for a pony, dank, and all the twat pleasing you need, what else are you missing? Miley might do all sorts of rodent faced creepy shit on stage but she’s not a cunty fucker like Justin Bieber who will take a life before his run is complete. She’s just a chick who wants to play dress up and fuck and bank some cash. The more that sinks in, the more I realize Miley Cyrus might be my favorite person in Hollywood.

Photo Credit:INF

Miley Cyrus’ Homeless Hero Jailed

By Matt October 09, 2014 @ 5:42 AM

Miley Cyrus’ homeless guy she let speak out for the rights of struggling male models at the MTV VMAs is going to jail. The devilishly handsome shelter dweller Jesse Helt violated his probation by breaking into an apartment so he could get drug money to achieve that heroin tramp look aspiring models crave. And also he probably wanted the heroin. When he appeared on the MTV awards show with Cyrus, the authorities took notice. He’ll be spending the next six months in jail where he will have ample time to brush his teeth and figure out his purpose in life, which is almost certainly not giving bullshit speeches about the perils of not landing the Hugo Boss campaign to crowds full of screaming teenagers who can’t fathom your pain.

Miley Cyrus Looks Rough

By Matt September 30, 2014 @ 6:06 AM

Cyrus

Miley Cyrus wants everyone to know she has been partying it up in Rio. She posted a series of photos explaining she was hungover during her show, because that’s what you want to hear when you shell out $500 bones to watch her spread her perineum on a Jumbotron and maybe come close on a few high notes. Professionalism in the music business really flew out the window when performers stopped singing or playing instruments or wearing pants. Normally with this kind of party lifestyle a young lady’s looks can go straight to shit. With Cyrus this is kind of redundant and maybe she will age herself to resemble an adult woman and not a hairless keepsake for pedophiles to hang from the rearview of their vans.

When your job is to change costumes and move your lips to the words for an hour it doesn’t really matter how fucked up or hungover you are. I wouldn’t mind seeing her perform under the influence of krokodil heroin just for a scientific control. My guess, both shows would suck.

Photo Credit: Instagram