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Steve Harvey Had One Job (VIDEO)

Steve Harvey's big bald head is the universalsignal that family safe comedy is coming your way. Harvey fucked up the big moment of the Miss Universe pageant when he declared Miss Colombia the winner and Miss Philippines the runner-up, the opposite of the actual results on the card. Paramilitary juntas in Colombia fired their AK's into the air for naught as producers tipped off Harvey who had to apologize and...read more

Miss Lebanon's Future Seems Bleak

When you leave Beirut on the burrofor the Miss Universe pageant, you're given two instructions. Smile like you're from a better country and don't get fucking near Miss Israel or Hezbollah will decapitate your family and shit down their neck stumps. For two weeks of whatever the hell they do at Miss Universe, Miss Lebanon kept her distance from Miss Israel. But sinister sneaky Jews being what they are, Miss Israel...read more

Miss Universe Costume Contest Went Well

The Miss Universe pageant tried something new this year by having the girls wear costumes that represented their homelands as depicted in 1950's era racist Atlases. Those ones where there were black tribalists with spears in the middle of Botswana. Miss Greece came out as a sheep being fucked by a shepherd being fucked by another guy. Miss India came out answering Microsoft customer service calls with a faux middle...read more

Hang In There Starving People, The Miss Universe Contestants Are Here

Donald Trump shuttled off the half of the Miss Universe contestants who refused to rub his hair piece against their foreign vaginas to the Food for the Poor organizational headquarters in Florida. The sort of good looking girls from around the world didn't actually feed the poor, but they were given a presentation on how that process works. Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. Learn about how to give a man a...read more

Miss Rhode Island is the 2012 Miss Universe

Olivia Culpo, a 20-year-old sophomore at Boston University and current Miss Rhode Island, became the first American in 15 years to win the Miss Universe pageant last night, when she... uh... won the Miss Universe pageant. And of course she won. Look at the neckline on her gown, or on this costume that would be kinda patronizing if a foreigner was wearing it. This girl gets it. I know what people like, and what they...read more

miss universe is here to help

I’m sure some horrific new Chris Brown details will come out soon enough, but until then, look, tits. Because Miss Universe, Dayana Mendoza of Venezuela, is at the Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas this week. I don’t know who is in charge of Venezuela, but they should replace their flag with that banner picture. I started to look up who was in charge of Venezuela but it turns out that no one knows. Mostly because I...read more

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