Even These Tired Armenian Whores Couldn’t Make the VMAs Interesting

By Lex August 25, 2014 @ 6:30 AM

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I don’t know what the hell happened at most of this year’s VMA Awards. I fell asleep when Beyonce was singing something really loud and woke up two hours later and she was still fucking singing. Then she had a staged kiss with Jay Z and slapped him when she saw he was holding a baby she didn’t remember having. The show opened strong when everybody got to pretend that Nicki Minaj’s wardrobe malfunction wasn’t setup or wonder why she was the only one of three singers outfitted with a hands-free microphone so her hands could hold her dress front together. Minor complains compared to the horrible shit for music teenage girls like these days. You know, as opposed to past generations when teenage girls had awesome taste in music.

The true highlight of the evening came when Miley Cyrus won some Nobel award for Wrecking Ball and sent up a dude in her stead to give a speech about homeless young people in America. Miley sobbed in the audience as the former street teen from Oregon handsome enough to have been molested by Gus Van Sant during casting calls for My Own Private Idaho spoke about a charity Miley had set up on her Facebook page to help unsheltered young persons. Miley just met the guy on Tuesday. I guess they bonded super quick. Since she’s promoting a charity it’d be wrong to suggest Miley used him to wipe the slate clean from a year again when she ass ground Robin Thicke’s cock out of his marriage. MTV  is really not ideal viewing for people who ask follow up questions.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, Getty, Splash

Selena Gomez Picked A Great Dress For The VMAs

By Travis August 26, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

A lot of semi- to kind-of-sort-of-famous men and women showed up to last night’s MTV Video Music Awards wearing the dumbest fucking outfits that you’ll probably ever see in your lives, and that includes Miley Cyrus, who dressed like a pre-teen boy from 1983 while sticking her tongue out because people are assholes and tell her that’s cool.

But none of them mattered after Selena Gomez showed up with one of her tits hanging out, and that was really a nice thing for her to do. Sure, it’s kind of creepy because she still looks like she’s 15, and she loses hot points because she keeps letting Justin Bieber stick it in her, but hey – a partial tit’s still a tit.

(Photo Credits: Ryan/Andres Otero/WENN.com)

Katy Perry And Riff Raff Have The Same Stylist

By Travis August 26, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

I don’t know which is worse: A) That Katy Perry showed up to the MTV Video Music Awards last night with her breasts completely covered up by the rug from a late-70s porn set, B) That Katy Perry rocked the stupid rich white lady wearing a grill schtick less than a week after Madonna’s old, veiny ass did it, or C) That Katy Perry stood on the red carpet and made the same stupid face with her dumb $1,000 grill as Riff Raff did on the very same night.

And it’s a trick multiple choice question, because the answer is: D) That Katy Perry has sex with John Mayer after he wrote a song whining about Taylor Swift.

(Photo Credits: Andres Otero/WENN.com)