By Lex October 28, 2014 @ 12:41 PM
When it’s time to dial up Americana for your big Chinese golf tournament, your party invite plan immediately moves to Morgan Freeman, Chris Evans, and Kenny G. That’s God, Captain America, and a fey alto sax player to make the lingering Communist propagandists happy in their mockery of the U.S. You also invite Jessica Alba because half a billion dudes in China want to bang her too. I can’t imagine how much cash it took to bring these celebrities in formal wear to a golf course in Shenzen, but if you didn’t pay the extra two mill to see Jessica flash her tits at the 19th hole bar, you wasted all the rest.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Jack September 13, 2013 @ 3:08 PM
Natural redhead Nicole Kidman is pressing charges against paparazzo Carl Wu after he knocked her on her Aussie ass during Fashion Week. The photographer was trying to take pictures when he lost control of his bike and crashed into the tallest of Tom Cruise’s former beard. She isn’t hurt but she’s going to press charges anyway, which is what Wu deserves for not knowing that you don’t ride bikes on the sidewalk and wearing a headband after 1985.
Last night was The 85th Annual Academy Awards and I’m completely ashamed to say I watched the entire thing. To sum it up, Seth MacFarlane did surprisingly not shitty, Jennifer Lawrence fell down, the Best Director winner was bullshit, Ben Affleck got snubbed, then didn’t and George Clooney kept getting free scotch thrown at him for smiling every time someone joked he banged and/or will bang somebody like nine-year-old Quvenzhané Wallis (Actual Seth MacFarlane joke.) who already had to deal with Daniel Day Lewis demanding she thank him backstage. This shouldn’t fuck a kid up.
(Images of celebs who showed up to last night’s Oscars with varying degrees of cleavage or dumb-looking faces = Getty)
By brendon November 27, 2012 @ 6:43 PM
The Four Seasons hotel in Beverly Hills should probably let their guests know Nicole Kidman is staying there. I’m not brave, and she’s zombie white, so if I saw her walking the halls at night I would seriously freak the fuck out. “What do you want from me spirit, why have you not moved on!”
(image source = fame/flynet)
By brendon September 04, 2012 @ 2:24 PM
Nicole Kidman looked like she should be sitting on a ventriloquists knee 5 days ago at the US Open, but according to V magazine she’s actually an immortal 19-year-old with a rock hard ass and no pores. “Hello 9-1-1? I ran at Nicole Kidman with a wooden stake but she turned into a bat and flew away, and now I don’t know where she went. Yeah I’m pretty freaked out.”