Natural redhead Nicole Kidman is pressing charges against paparazzo Carl Wu after he knocked her on her Aussie ass during Fashion Week. The photographer was trying to take pictures when he lost control of his bike and crashed into the tallest of Tom Cruise’s former beard. She isn’t hurt but she’s going to press charges anyway, which is what Wu deserves for not knowing that you don’t ride bikes on the sidewalk and wearing a headband after 1985.
Last night was The 85th Annual Academy Awards and I’m completely ashamed to say I watched the entire thing. To sum it up, Seth MacFarlane did surprisingly not shitty, Jennifer Lawrence fell down, the Best Director winner was bullshit, Ben Affleck got snubbed, then didn’t and George Clooney kept getting free scotch thrown at him for smiling every time someone joked he banged and/or will bang somebody like nine-year-old Quvenzhané Wallis (Actual Seth MacFarlane joke.) who already had to deal with Daniel Day Lewis demanding she thank him backstage. This shouldn’t fuck a kid up.
(Images of celebs who showed up to last night’s Oscars with varying degrees of cleavage or dumb-looking faces = Getty)
The Four Seasons hotel in Beverly Hills should probably let their guests know Nicole Kidman is staying there. I’m not brave, and she’s zombie white, so if I saw her walking the halls at night I would seriously freak the fuck out. “What do you want from me spirit, why have you not moved on!”
(image source = fame/flynet)
Nicole Kidman looked like she should be sitting on a ventriloquists knee 5 days ago at the US Open, but according to V magazine she’s actually an immortal 19-year-old with a rock hard ass and no pores. “Hello 9-1-1? I ran at Nicole Kidman with a wooden stake but she turned into a bat and flew away, and now I don’t know where she went. Yeah I’m pretty freaked out.”
Nicole Kidman went to a screening of her movie ‘Paperboy’ at Cannes last night wearing a dress that also acted as a thermometer. So be grateful it’s not Khloe Kardashian wearing it, because then we’d have to see her dick. Or dicks, whatever the case may be. She has to have at least one.
(image source = wenn, bauer-griffin)
Nicole Kidman plays a white trash slut so well in ‘the Paperboy’ that they might as well have called it ‘the Dina Lohan Story’, especially since they’ll both be remembered for the awful thing that came out of their vaginas.
As the Huffingtom Post says…
“The Paperboy” debuted at the Cannes Film Festival on Thursday, and Lee Daniels’ “Precious” follow-up provided attendees with the chance to watch Nicole Kidman urinate on Zac Efron.
“This is a movie that often seems to be missing important transitional scenes or specific inserts,” wrote Vulture’s Kyle Buchanan, “but you had better believe that when Nicole Kidman pees on Zac Efron, that camera is there.”
The “golden shower” happens in a non-sexual context: Efron’s character gets stung by a jellyfish while in the ocean.
The good news is that having an Academy Award winner pee on Zac Efron is an excellent way to get your movie noticed. The bad news is that Kim Kardashian has labeled him a selfish lover for not reciprocating.