By Lex August 29, 2014 @ 1:38 PM
Rihanna works hard and plays harder. That’s so fucking Bajan. But even she knows you can’t get loaded every single day of the year. When her zits start bursting and dousing the kids in the front row, she goes full temperance.
When I feel like my skin has had it, I cut all the alcohol completely and overdo the water.
If you think being an alchy who has to worry about her complexion is easy, think again. It’s enough just to worry about being fired or arrested or having sex with David Spade on accident. Now you have to worry about covering your whiteheads before a Vogue shoot? I’d turn directly to heroin. It’s a natural appetite suppressant and outside of the sallow skin and the dead eyes, your smooth as a naked cat. Until you quit and your body turns into one giant scab. But quitters never win.
Seems sensible enough.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Matt August 21, 2014 @ 10:58 AM
Some guy hung around outside of Rihanna’s house for three hours before he was scared off by a security guard. The cops caught the guy and since hanging around outside an auto-tuned pop singer’s house is not illegal they made some shit up and charged him with vandalism. The police think the guy is just a random petty criminal but Rihanna’s security guards claim he is a stalker. I’m going to trust the cops over the guys who tried to be cops and were denied based on background checks and the inability to run a flight of stairs. Claiming every sketchy asshole to be a stalker is definitely self serving publicity wise. The guy who stole the generator out of my garage at three in the morning was probably totally obsessed with me. He just wanted something of mine and is probably jerking off to it right now. I can’t change what happened but I’ve been leaving my keys in the car so I can make some new fans.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex August 20, 2014 @ 11:59 AM
Rihanna is making waves again. I don’t know, people say that. This time it’s not for singing tracks into a computer for re-assembly, but for sticking her paw into her pants on Twitter. She captioned the photo “school. kills” which is something not quite as provocatively inane as watching Rihanna finger her vagina through her transparent weed and cigarettes shorts. Rihanna’s public relations are run mostly by she and her buddies getting wicked fucking high and thinking of stupid things to do on the Internet that will get even stupider people like me to…. fuck.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, FameFlynet
By Lex August 11, 2014 @ 10:02 AM
Rihanna and Eminem are tearing it up. I read that on some kid’s review of their Monster Tour which already started in Los Angeles. It wasn’t a profound review, but at least it wasn’t tainted by music industry ad dollars. At some point next week the mini-tour heads to Detroit where the duo will likely be swallowed up in the third world malaise that swirls around the Motor City like a dust cloud. They’re pretty big stars so I imagine the Detroit City Police Department will task RoboCop with scouring the 80,000 abandoned buildings in the city in search of Rihanna’s elaborate nose ring. You never know what you’ve got until it’s gone, so stare at Rihanna’s tits now.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, Splash
By Jack August 06, 2014 @ 11:58 AM
Canadian douche rapper Drake put up a picture of his ex-girlfriend Rihanna with the numbers 666 superimposed on her badger face during one of his shitty concerts. Rappers have basically become the guys who can’t let go of office romances gone bad so they’re eternal dicks about it until somebody has to quit.
Look into the face of the beast. (Huffington Post)
Valerie Van Der Graaf looks all hot writhing around in a bed. (Drunken Stepfather)
Cristina de Pin and her ridiculous booty hang out on the beach. (Hollywood Tuna)
So, Katy Perry is a witch now and is casting love spells. (Dlisted)
Do you want to see Juliana Mueller wearing lingerie in a barn? (Popoholic)
I have been staring at these gifs of Alison Brie’s tits bouncing for the last half hour. (The Chive)
Ana Braga has some big old titty balls. (The Superficial)
(Image Via Instagram)
By Jack July 28, 2014 @ 12:56 PM
There are rumors that the other woman that Jay Z has been fucking is none other than Rihanna. You’ve got to hand it to Jay Z, if you’re going to fuck around, make it count. We all learned that lesson from Bill Clinton. Poke your dick where no guy will ever blame you, assuming his wife isn’t standing in the same room.
Read all about Jay Z’s cheating heart and wandering dick thing. (The Superficial)
Check out healthy boobed Francia Raisa in a birthday bikini. (Drunken Stepfather)
Emanuela De Paula in lingerie is highly fappable. Go on, you know you want to. (Popoholic)
The new Wonder Woman outfit was clearly designed by a wonder man. (Dlisted)
Jenny McCarthy denies fat shaming her fat cousin fat Melissa McCarthy (Huffington Post)
Deborah Ann Woll looks hot as vampire fuck in a blood red dress. (Fox News)
Rita Ora likes to show off her titty balls. (Hollywood Tuna)