I always read these stories about how older married couples rediscover long since forgotten romantic photos of themselves and it reminds them of their young love. Just kidding. I don’t read. I saw that in a Cialis ad during a hockey game. But this seems like the kind of shit old married couples do when they’re not trying to poison each other for insurance payoffs.
And I can relate. Sometimes, I forget how much I want to bone Sofia Vergara until my dick falls off and God tells me I’m done. But then I see some sexy shit like Sofia’s 1998 calendar photoshoot and I remember how amazing the sex was on the honeymoon we never had. I just look at the restraining order from her attorneys and smile wistfully at the sunset like that dude in the Cialis ad who knows he’s about to do his 60-something wife something fierce.
(Yeah, I added the music. You hate it. Everybody hates everybody else’s music. Deal with it.)
Sofia Vergara and her boyfriend Nick Loeb seemed to be in a good mood as they walked around Miami yesterday, which is surprising because it was just a few hours after he (allegedly) got thrown out of a New Years Eve party for yelling at her and tearing her dress.
“Nick appeared to get really angry after Sofia took a picture with a stranger, and started screaming at her. Nick had to be pulled off Sofia by security. Her dress got torn in the melee. This happened right in front of everyone in the VIP section.”
“Four security guards grabbed Nick and threw him out of the back door of the club, with Sofia following behind.”
Oh terrific. So he was roughing her up in the middle of a crowded room, then they were both out back with no witnesses. Well thanks fellas this is much better. The girls of Miami must feel really safe with such conscientiousness security guards.
I still feel like Sofia Vergara is incredibly underrated as an actress because not only is she really good on ‘Modern Family’, but she’s really funny too, and that’s exactly the kind of thing I would say to her in person while pretending not to stare at her tits.
(image source of vergara filming ‘fading gigolo’ in new york today = splash)
Sofia Vergara was on Katie Courics daytime talk show this week, because apparently that’s a thing that exists now, and said she’s glad she rejected the advice from her clearly gay or jealous publicist who pressured her to get a breast reduction when she started out in Hollywood. The concern was that her natural 32F breasts were too big, a sentence that is just complete gibberish and makes no sense.
“At the beginning it was hard, and she (my publicist) used to tell me, ‘Maybe you should get to a more normal, standard size.’”
“(My mom said), ‘God is going to punish you, you can’t chop your boobs out. It’s crazy. All the women are risking their life to get boobs.’ So I didn’t do it.”
Umm… uh, yes. That’s right ladies. God hates breast reductions, he was very clear about that. He said, “Thouth with big tittys are the most blessed and wonderful, so why would you want them smaller. What are you, a dyke?”
Sofia Vergara walked around New York last night with her pants unbuttoned, and she hasn’t come right out and said anything but the obvious explanation is that she was masturbating and wants to have sex with me. Message received, mon amour.
Sofia Vergara is on the cover of the May issue of GQ in Mexico (other articles: “Summertime Sombreros”, “A Car Without An Our Lady of Guadalupe Decal”, “Deodorant?”) and even though the photo shoot is actually just a Vanity Fair shoot from last year, they did replace this see-thru picture with a much much better one. Which I then sat here and clumsily x-rayed because I’m such a big winner.