Ben Affleck was almost todays big winner, because this morning in Santa Monica, Feathers Jones (NOTE - I don’t know their names) was threatening to look like even more of spaz while catching a football than Affleck did 14 months ago. Tuffy Jonas looks as gay as any guy chasing after other guys can possibly look with his pants still on, but Affleck still big times them.
Here, he keeps a sharp eye on the linebacker, who in this case is a girl in a suit. Just to make sure you understand which one I’m referring to, I mean the woman playing football in the mud while wearing high heels.
Although this effort proved unsuccessful, Ben took what he learned to the fourth quarter. There, like the mighty cobra stalking it’s pray, Ben lay in waiting. And then struck.
Attacking the defenses only weakness, Ben ran several feet down the field, and this black guy in the brown sweater pushed the ball over to him.
Two distinct paths now lay before Bens feet. One forged from gold and lined with flowers. The other cast in iron and mangled with thorns. Rising up like a phoenix from the ashes, Ben tippy toed over a 5 foot woman in a scarf, more or less caught the ball, and drank from the cup of victory.
The Jonas Brothers sang all of their amazing hit songs last night in Toronto, but it was a feast for the eyes as well when the boys took to the sky and showed off their athleticism (video of it here). Thanks in part to a trampoline, they flew to heights of zero feet, risking it all as they soared parallel to the stage.
And last night the dangers became all too clear when Joe Jonas, perhaps light-headed from all the gentle hopping, failed to land his twisty jumping-jack thing. He recovered nicely though and reset by sticking a little hop, a move he practices at home in his cheerleading skirt. I’m just glad he wasn’t hurt as he mocked the laws of gravity. I thought I was watching ‘the Matrix’ for a second there.
The Jonas Brothers have a lot to learn about being famous celebrities. In fact everyone at the VMAs this year were pretty low key with the dressing room riders.
(Christina Aguilera’s) demands reportedly included four black bath towels and a dressing room decked out with vanilla-scented candles, not to mention a space heater and two bottles of Verve Clique champagne to give her a little kick before the show.
The Jonas Brothers are said to have insisted on apple juice at room temperature for their backstage needs and added eight Red Bull Sugar free beverages, plus 6 regular Red Bulls and 24 pieces of California sushi rolls as part of their dressing room package.
These guys are fags. I would have been like Alfred Molina in Boogie Nights. High as fuck in just a bathrobe, a shirtless Japanese boy throwing fire crackers, peacocks, guns, sirens, some hot Asian girl with big tits dressed as a snow bunny. Just total madness. I like to think if I were famous I would request all that stuff. I request that stuff now it's just no one gives it to me. Fuckers.
