By Lex February 10, 2015 @ 1:13 PM
Uma Thurman modified her face for a role called I fucked up something awful trying to look younger God please give me a do-over. Some of the kinder celebrity rags are referring to her almost unrecognizable face last night as ‘make-up free’. She’s clearly wearing make up so that seemed rather lazy by way of excuses. Why not blame the harvest moon or GMOs or the dearth of non-asian female engineers. The first twenty roles and $40 million came rather easy, but now you’re losing the leading lady spots to bitches half your age that used to be you. Peyton Manning’s had four neck surgeries to keep himself employed in the NFL. Don’t think he wouldn’t have his face sliced open and tugged up under his hairline if he could add two more shots at a Super Bowl title. Everybody hears the footsteps. You can only hope when they come for you you’ve got an extra $50K lying around and a discreet doctor in Manhattan.
Photo Credit: Getty/Vs Magazine Fall 2014
By Travis May 29, 2014 @ 1:00 PM
Uma Thurman and Quentin Tarantino attended the closing ceremony of the Cannes Film Festival together, since they were both presenters, and they even walked the red carpet together. To the untrained eye, it would just seem like they’re two old friends who worked together on a film 20 years ago, but to us experts in celebrity body language, they’re totally fucking each other’s weird looking brains out. Also, people know that they’re now a couple, so that kind of helps with that theory, too. According to Us Weekly, Uma and Quentin shared a villa in Cannes, after the 44-year old actress finally just gave in to his advances from over the years. Basically, she’s at that point in her life where she’s less concerned about being an awkward but kind of hot actress, and more concerned about making sure she’s financially secure by being the lead actress in all of his movies from here on out.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Lex July 16, 2013 @ 9:43 AM
I feel like Uma Thurman can no longer Kill Bill. Maybe she could bake him a lasagna and poison it or something. Sword fighting seems pretty much out of the question. I’m not sure what happened to Uma Thurman. I guess motherhood. It looks like fucking war.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By brendon October 18, 2012 @ 12:32 PM
A few weeks ago, Uma Thurman was leaving an office with her new baby girl (born July 15th), but before going down some stairs, she was covered in a tarp. Because nothing bad could happen while you’re blindly walking under a tarp carrying a baby.
Oh wait, yes it could. You could trip and kill the fucking thing. It was like a magic trick. The baby was in my arms, now it’s in the street under that cab. Ta-da!
And clearly her parenting skills havent gotten any better since then because yesterday she announced her daughters name for the first time, but don’t say it out loud three times or you might summon a ghost. Her name is:
Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson
Amazingly, that’s still not enough names to choose from and they actually call her ‘Luna’. If this poor girl ever has to write her full name on a standard form it’s gonna look like she just drew a straight line.
(image source of uma and rosalind arusha arkadina altalune florence = fame/flynet)
By brendon October 11, 2012 @ 5:01 PM
In what sounds like it would have been a much much better idea about 10 years ago, Uma Thurman has joined the cast of Lars von Trier’s ‘Nymphomaniac’, currently shooting in and around Cologne, Germany, and described as an “epic pornographic drama”. As in, the actors actually have real sex. With each other. And it’s filmed.
The Hollywood Reporter says…
Nymphomaniac stars Charlotte Gainsbourg as Jo, a self- diagnosed nymphomaniac. One night, an old bachelor, played by Stellan Skarsgard, finds her in an alley, badly beaten. He takes her home to nurse her back to health, while she recounts to him her life of erotic adventure.
Shia LaBeouf, Jamie Bell, Stacy Martin, Connie Nielsen and Christian Slater are also among the cast.
Von Trier is one of the very best directors in the world, but I’m out on this already. For one, I would fight you to the grave if you ever tried to show me Shia LaBeoufs penis. Secondly, if I wanted to see a girl regret her degrading sex life I could do that at home, for free.
(image source of uma in new york nine days ago = inf)
By brendon March 26, 2012 @ 5:57 PM
I’m glad that Uma Thurman (who is pregnant) looks like hell in these pictures because not only is she in St. Barts, but she’s on a yacht in St. Barts. How fucking exclusive does your fancy vacation have to be? I would never waste money like this if I was rich, except for getting a dog with dollar signs on it like the one Richie Rich had, because that would be awesome.
(image source = fame/flynet)