Uma Thurman’s Face Settled

By Lex May 18, 2015 @ 8:52 AM

Uma Thurman Low Cut Green Dress At Yacht Party In Cannes
Remember when you couldn’t sleep without the lights on because Uma Thurman disfigured her face and it reminded you of the time you watched your ceramic monkey melt in the house fire your dad lit for insurance? If you’d listened to the Eastern European human trafficking experts on surgically altering faces, they all said, you need to give the face time to settle. Colonel Steve Austin didn’t clock sixty miles an hour during his first bionics test run. Uma Thurman looks great now. Not fake great like her supporters pretending she didn’t resemble a frightened marsupial post-surgery. But real young woman cheek bones and tits great. I’m happy for her and the process. Move your IMDB birthday up ten to fifteen years and get some leading roles in movies Hollywood doesn’t make for women.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

What The Fuck Happened To Uma Thurman And Shit Around The Web

By Jack March 19, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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It’s a shame what Uma Thurman did to her face. I’m sure it says something about sexism and ageism in Hollywood, but for the time being we should probably just focus on outing the name of her plastic surgeon.

See the horror for yourself. (Huffington Post)

St. Patrick’s Day might be over but liking redhead hotties is a year round thing. (The Chive)

Claudia Romani’s bikini pics are all about her killer thumper. (Egotastic)

Lacey Wildd, who already has monstrous tits, wants to go QQQ. (TMZ)

Paulina is a sexy Canadian model and she is all kinds of naked here. (Drunken Stepfather)

Michaela Schaefer poses in bondage gear and pokies. (Hollywood Tuna)

Edita Vilkeviciute models some skimpy bikinis just for you. (Popoholic)

Uma Thurman Looks Different

By Lex February 10, 2015 @ 1:13 PM

Uma Thurman Looks Different
Uma Thurman modified her face for a role called I fucked up something awful trying to look younger God please give me a do-over. Some of the kinder celebrity rags are referring to her almost unrecognizable face last night as ‘make-up free’. She’s clearly wearing make up so that seemed rather lazy by way of excuses. Why not blame the harvest moon or GMOs or the dearth of non-asian female engineers. The first twenty roles and $40 million came rather easy, but now you’re losing the leading lady spots to bitches half your age that used to be you. Peyton Manning’s had four neck surgeries to keep himself employed in the NFL. Don’t think he wouldn’t have his face sliced open and tugged up under his hairline if he could add two more shots at a Super Bowl title. Everybody hears the footsteps. You can only hope when they come for you you’ve got an extra $50K lying around and a discreet doctor in Manhattan.

Photo Credit: Getty/Vs Magazine Fall 2014

Quentin Tarantino And Uma Thurman Are A Thing

By Travis May 29, 2014 @ 1:00 PM

Uma Thurman finally just said fuck it

Uma Thurman and Quentin Tarantino attended the closing ceremony of the Cannes Film Festival together, since they were both presenters, and they even walked the red carpet together. To the untrained eye, it would just seem like they’re two old friends who worked together on a film 20 years ago, but to us experts in celebrity body language, they’re totally fucking each other’s weird looking brains out. Also, people know that they’re now a couple, so that kind of helps with that theory, too. According to Us Weekly, Uma and Quentin shared a villa in Cannes, after the 44-year old actress finally just gave in to his advances from over the years. Basically, she’s at that point in her life where she’s less concerned about being an awkward but kind of hot actress, and more concerned about making sure she’s financially secure by being the lead actress in all of his movies from here on out.

Photo Credit: Getty

Uma Thurman In a Swimsuit

By Lex July 16, 2013 @ 9:43 AM

Uma Thurman In A Swimsuit Vacationing With Her Family On A Yacht In Saint Tropez
I feel like Uma Thurman can no longer Kill Bill. Maybe she could bake him a lasagna and poison it or something. Sword fighting seems pretty much out of the question. I’m not sure what happened to Uma Thurman. I guess motherhood. It looks like fucking war.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Uma Thurman gave a dumb name to the baby she almost killed

By brendon October 18, 2012 @ 12:32 PM

uma_thurman_trips

A few weeks ago, Uma Thurman was leaving an office with her new baby girl (born July 15th), but before going down some stairs, she was covered in a tarp. Because nothing bad could happen while you’re blindly walking under a tarp carrying a baby.

Oh wait, yes it could. You could trip and kill the fucking thing. It was like a magic trick. The baby was in my arms, now it’s in the street under that cab. Ta-da!

And clearly her parenting skills havent gotten any better since then because yesterday she announced her daughters name for the first time, but don’t say it out loud three times or you might summon a ghost. Her name is:

Rosalind Arusha Arkadina Altalune Florence Thurman-Busson

Amazingly, that’s still not enough names to choose from and they actually call her ‘Luna’. If this poor girl ever has to write her full name on a standard form it’s gonna look like she just drew a straight line.

(image source of uma and rosalind arusha arkadina altalune florence = fame/flynet)